Learn how to manage your own wellbeing while caring for someone else. Get information and tips on looking after your mental health and finding support.
You might be caring for someone with a physical health problem, a mental health problem, or both. For mental health problems, you may face slightly different or additional challenges.
This page lists some of these, along with advice and suggestions that have helped other people.
You might have difficult thoughts like:
You might have concerns, such as feeling:
"Caring for someone with a mental health condition is hard. The invisibility of the illness can make it feel like you're not a 'real' carer. Trust me: you are. And you're making a huge difference to someone's life."
If you don't do many physical caring tasks, you may not really see yourself as a carer. But there are lots of other ways you might support someone. For example, you might:
You may find that other people, such as family and friends, don't see you as a carer either. It may help to show them this information.
You may feel frustrated that you can't make someone feel better, or as if you're not 'enough' to make them happy. But like physical health conditions, mental health problems can affect anyone. No one can prevent someone else from having a mental health problem.
You're probably helping a lot more than you think. If possible, try talking to them about how you help already. Try to build up a clear idea about what you can do and accept parts that you can't do alone or things that you cannot change. Accepting what's possible and being aware of your limits might make you feel less helpless.
If you haven't experienced a mental health problem, it can be difficult to understand what it's like. Ask them to try and explain – but remember it isn't always easy to describe. You could both look at our mental health information, blogs and short videos. These resources might help them find something that puts it into the right words.
Learning about a mental health problem and hearing from other people might be useful for you. It can help you understand what the person is experiencing and how you can help.
It's hard to know how much care to give or what to do for the best. You may be worried that they're becoming too dependent on you. Or you might feel that things you do aren't really helpful in the long term.
Some people won't feel willing or able to tell you when their mood has changed and what they need. This can make it really hard for you. It's understandable if you sometimes get things wrong. Over time, you might be able to interpret their feelings and needs from their expressions and behaviour.
They might not always be able to explain what would help in the moment. Some people find it helpful to set up little systems for communicating. For example you could talk about colours as different needs:
When someone is unwell, it can sometimes be easier to say 'I'm feeling amber' than to find the words. Different things work for different people – try to find something that suits you both.
You might find it helpful to seek out online mental health support. Online support comes from people who have mental health problems, or who support others. You could join Mind's community Side by Side. Our resources on mental health problems each contain a section for friends and family, which you might find useful.
It can be very emotionally draining to be worried about the safety of someone you love. It's important to make sure you support yourself too. Our pages on self-care and support for carers list some ideas you can try.
You might be worried about how other people will treat them – or how they will treat you as a carer.
Stigma and misunderstanding can be upsetting. Especially coming from friends or family, colleagues or healthcare professionals. It can make mental health problems feel difficult to talk about. But it's important to remember you are not alone.
If you're worried about what others think, you could try the following:
"I just want other carers out there to know they are not alone. Take all the support you can, read the articles on Mind and understand what you, your family and your loved one are dealing with."
Mental health problems can affect moods, emotions and behaviours. You may feel as if their personality is changing and they're not the person they used to be. This can affect your relationship. Your relationship might feel unbalanced, or like you only do 'caring' things together.
It can help to try and see the mental health problem as something separate from you both. Try to think of it as an external challenge to deal with together. Have a look at our section on the positive side of caring for someone.
They may need support but can't or won't reach out for help. Or they may refuse to accept any help you offer. It's understandable for you to feel frustrated, distressed and powerless if so.
Sometimes you might be able to recognise signs they are becoming unwell. You could try and prepare for this by making a list of signs together while they are well. This can make things easier to talk about when you do notice things changing. You may need to decide together how they want you to help if they become unwell again.
It's important to acknowledge that there are always limits to the support you can offer. Our page on helping someone seek help explains more about what you can and cannot do.
Lucy from Mind answers one of the hardest questions we get on our helpline – can you make someone get help?
You might find that they say or do upsetting things sometimes, such as when they're unwell. People tend to take difficult feelings out on those closest to them. They may:
It's understandable that you might feel upset and hurt. Try to:
Your mental health is important too. You need to decide how much support you can offer and when to put your own needs first.
Watch Chloe, Ally and Kate talk about what it's like to care for someone with a mental health problem and how they look after themselves.
The mental health system is complicated. It can sometimes be difficult to access the services we need. You may find yourself having to fight for the right support for them.
"While I helped him with the day-today things he found overwhelming, I also was mentally his carer too. I was combating his negativity every day, trying to cajole him into keeping going."
Looking after a young person with a mental health problem can create additional strains and worries. You may:
It's common to think that as a parent you 'should' be able to cope. But you don't need to do this on your own and help is available. Talk to people around you and ask for their help. If you don't have family, friends or a community you can turn to for support, there are other options.
This information was published in May 2021. We will revise it in 2024.
References are available on request. If you would like to reproduce any of this information, see our page on permissions and licensing.