About self-harm

What is self-harm?

Self-harm is when you hurt yourself as a way of dealing with very difficult feelings, painful memories or overwhelming situations and experiences. Some people have described self-harm as a way to:

• Express something that is hard to put into words
• Turn invisible thoughts or feelings into something visible
• Change emotional pain into physical pain
• Reduce overwhelming emotional feelings or thoughts
• Feel more in control
• Escape traumatic memories
• Have something in life that they can rely on
• Punish themselves for their feelings and experiences
• Stop feeling numb, disconnected or dissociated
• Create a reason to physically care for themselves
• Express suicidal feelings and thoughts without taking their own life

After self-harming, you may feel a short-term sense of release or control. This can make you more likely to depend on it and less able to stop.

But it's likely that difficult feelings will return soon after. This can include feelings of guilt or shame.

Talking about self-harm

Watch Ben, Lechelle, Debbie and Zainab talk about the reasons behind their self-harm, the different ways they have learned to cope and how they think friends and family could have supported them.

How do people self-harm?

There are lots of different ways that people self-harm. Some people always use the same method. Others hurt themselves in different ways at different times.

If you self-harm, it's important that you know how to look after any injuries and that you have access to the first aid equipment you need. LifeSIGNS has information on first aid for self-harm.

If you're worried about an injury or not sure how to look after it, see your GP or a pharmacist.

One of my biggest barriers to getting help was actually not admitting to myself that I had a problem. I used to tell myself that it wasn't 'real' self-harm.

Why do people self-harm?

There are lots of reasons why people self-harm. It's different for everyone.

For some people, self-harm is linked to specific experiences and is a way of dealing with something that's happening now or in the past. For others, the reasons are less clear and can be harder to make sense of.

People of all ages and backgrounds can self-harm. There is no one typical person who hurts themselves.

Any difficult experience can cause someone to self-harm. Some reasons include:

• Pressures at work or as a student
• Stress, especially a sudden increase in stress
• Money worries or losing your job
• Abuse or bullying, including sexual, physical or emotional abuse
• Bereavement or other losses, such as the breakdown of a relationship
• Homophobia, biphobia and transphobia
• Low self-esteem
• Loneliness
• An illness or health problem
• Living with a neurodiverse condition, such as autism
• Living with mental health problems, such as depression, anxiety, personality disorder or bipolar disorder

Sometimes people use stigmatising language about self-harm, for example that it's attention-seeking. Comments like this can leave you feeling judged and alone.

But some of us might use self-harm to bring attention to how we feel. Remember that there is nothing wrong with wanting to have your feelings taken seriously.

A lot of people keep their self-harm private, so it can also be painful to have your behaviour misunderstood in this way.

No matter your reasons for self-harm, you deserve sympathy from those around you, including health professionals. And if you don't know or understand the reasons for your self-harm, you're not alone. And you can still get help.

I started self-harming when I was 15 or 16. I can't remember why I started, but that's what I did.

Published: August 2024

Next review planned: August 2027

References and bibliography available on request.

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