The misconceptions surrounding SAD

Imagine spending half the year happy and then one day waking up and feeling different.

You can’t work out why and you try and continue on with your day. The next few days seem darker, longer and the overwhelming sense of ‘why is everything such a struggle?’ it hangs over you like a dark cloud.

"Then it hits you, it’s the time of year."

Seasonal Affective Disorder or SAD affects thousands of people every year but it is clouded in misconceptions and a lack of awareness and understanding. I have SAD and have struggled with it ‘officially’ for the last four years, although unofficially I have probably experienced the disorder for a lot longer.

I think that SAD has always been a part of my life. As some of my family members suffer from the same disorder it makes it easier to admit to feeling down and I have people who understand what it feels like and know it’s real.

I love the summer, I love the sun and warm weather. Winter, on the other hand, fills me with dread. Even though I love fireworks, Christmas and other winter festivities  I will never understand how people can love the winter months and find the nights cosy. For me, SAD creeps up on me during October and begins to ease in March…

"During this time I feel down, upset and ready to cry at even the tiniest thing."

Depressed and  anxious , I don’t see the fun in anything. I have a lack of appetite and getting out of bed every morning feels like climbing a mountain. 

Things I would normally do, like going to a gym class and socialising with friends, are a struggle. Putting on a mask every day at work to try and act ‘normal’ and ’ok’ is tiring.

So what has helped me? There have been numerous ways I have learnt to control my SAD. The biggest being accepting that I suffer with it and becoming more aware of when it hits so I can get help.  

A wake up lamp, which gradually lights up the room before my alarm goes off so I wake up to a bright environment has worked wonders at making the darkest of morning bearable and helping me to start the day with a positive mindframe. Staying active, not isolating myself and trying to keep to the same routine as summer has also been key.

Before I was diagnosed with SAD, I attended the odd exercise class but wasn’t exactly active. But SAD has completely changed this.

"The year I got diagnosed I was at my lowest and I didn’t want to do anything involving leaving the house."

During this time my mum told me if I joined a gym she would help pay for the membership. This changed my life.

I started going to classes a few times a week and not only did it push me to live a healthier and active life but it became a hobby I love and became a mental release.

For me that hour in the gym became an escape, I didn’t worry about anything and once I was there I felt more positive and optimistic thanks to the endorphins.I’ve never looked back.

"SAD doesn’t have to be negative, it can also be a positive."  

Now I keep this up in the summer months and push myself to stick on my trainers and go even when all I want to is lie in a ball and feel sorry for myself.

Something else that I have had to accept is the use of anti-depressants. There is such a stigma around these tablets and this was the hardest part for me to come to terms with. I didn’t want to take them and truthfully still don’t feel 100% happy about the fact I do or other people knowing I do.

My GP understands my problem and has helped me gain access to counselling. The best advice I was given about SAD was the Dr’s analogy:

“If you had winter asthma then we would give you an inhaler, you have SAD so we give you tablets to help for a few months”