Helping someone else with menopause

Support from my wife is crucial too, and being able to talk through symptoms that are presenting themselves, sometimes to just let her know what is going on with me, so she can help in her own ways and understand a bit more too.

Learn more about menopause

Learning about menopause will help you understand what they're going through. It may also help you know how to support them.

You could learn more by reading about other people's experiences, listening to podcasts or watching videos.

It can also help to challenge stigma about menopause, if you can. For example, if you hear someone trivialising menopause or using stereotypes. You could try explaining your experiences or share some information.

But it's not always easy or safe to challenge people. So it's ok if you don't feel able to do this.

Offer emotional support

• Be kind and patient. Remember that everyone's experiences are different. Try not to rush them or make them feel guilty for struggling.
• Remind them of things you value about them. The effects of menopause can have a big impact on self-esteem. It may help to share things you appreciate or value about them. These can be big or small things.
• Check in with them. Make time to contact them or ask them how they're feeling. This could be through visiting, calling or texting. Or if you live together, this could be through making time to talk.
• Help to distract them. Sometimes helping to distract someone from difficult feelings can be useful. Try suggesting activities or tasks, such as watching a film or going for a walk. Or you could start something and let them know they're welcome to join in when they feel ready.

My husband worked away a lot and I lived away from my family. I could feel quite isolated. Having lost my mum in my 30s, I think I would have sold my soul for a phone call at this point.

Follow their lead

When someone we care about is struggling, we may want to say or do something to 'fix things' for them. But this is often unhelpful and can make people feel like you don't understand.

Listening to someone and letting them know you care is sometimes the most helpful thing you can do.

Someone going through menopause may also need to make some difficult decisions. For example, making choices about treatment. Or about lifestyle changes.

Try to respect and support these decisions. Remember that they know their own body and mind. Be careful not to share misinformation about menopause treatment. And if you have concerns, focus on sharing your feelings, rather than telling them what they should do.

Even just to say what is wrong and to share my feelings out loud to someone who cares, this helps so much.

Offer practical support

• Offer help with practical things. The symptoms of menopause can be overwhelming, physically and mentally. Offering more support with practical tasks may help them feel less stressed. Or it could give them time to focus on taking care of themselves.
• Support them to access treatment. For example, you could talk through their options with them, help them prepare for appointments or go to appointments with them.
• Make plans for difficult times. Talk together about what might help them on difficult days. For example, if they're struggling with brain fog, they may ask you to remind them of things more often. 

My friends and family were so supportive and I feel incredibly lucky to have had that.

Be flexible

• Remember that their needs might change. For example, sometimes they may want to talk about how they're feeling. But at other times they may want some time alone. It's understandable to find this difficult or confusing. Try to ask them what they need before making assumptions.
• Adjust plans. If you do things together which are more difficult because of the effects of menopause, ask if there are changes you could make. For example, if they find crowds more stressful than they used to, you could go to places that are quieter.
• Adjust your space. If you live with them, or if they visit you, there may be ways you can make your home more comfortable for them. For example, you could try to make it cooler. Ask them if there's anything you could do that may help.

Look after yourself

Supporting someone else can sometimes be difficult and stressful. It can feel especially difficult if someone is acting differently or doesn't seem themselves around you. You may worry they have a problem with you.

But try not to take things personally, especially if they've told you that you're not the problem. And remember that your mental health is important too.

Our pages on coping while caring for someone else, managing stress and improving your mental wellbeing have more tips on how to look after yourself.

Supporting someone with mental health effects of menopause

Some mental health effects of menopause include experiencing feelings of depression, anxiety or anger. People may also experience panic attacks, paranoia, phobias or suicidal thoughts.

If someone already has a mental health problem, menopause can make symptoms worse or more difficult to cope with.

Our website has information on supporting someone with:

• Depression
• Anxiety, including information on how to help someone who is having a panic attack
• Anger
• Paranoia
• Phobias
• Suicidal feelings

Our A-Z of mental health lists all of our information topics. Many of these include information for friends and family.

Published:  September 2024

Next review planned: September 2027

References and bibliography available on request.

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