Self-care for menopause

The message I’d like to give my younger self going through the menopause. It’s really grotty – but you’ll come out different, stronger. You’ll be surprised at yourself, proud. The calm. The stillness that follows. A kind of peace that’s worth waiting for after the tumble dryer existence.

Getting started

It's not always easy to take care of our wellbeing. Or to know where to start. Especially if we're already feeling tired or low. You might find it helpful to:

• Only try what feels comfortable.
• Give yourself time to figure out what works for you. Different things work for different people.
• Take it step by step. If the first step feels too hard, try to break that up into even smaller steps.
• Make small lifestyle changes that feel doable, rather than trying to change everything all at once.

Remember that good days for your wellbeing won't always be the same. We don't always have the same levels of energy or motivation. Be kind to yourself and do what feels right for you at the moment.

It might feel hard right now, but remember that menopause won't last forever.

Coping with brain fog

Brain fog can be very frustrating, frightening and distressing. These are some tips you could try to help manage it:

• Make lists on paper, sticky notes or record things on your phone.
• Use calendars, diaries or phone reminders.
• Have set routines.
• Do tasks in a certain order each time.
• Focus on one thing at a time instead of trying to multi-task.
• Break tasks into very small steps and try to focus on each step one at a time.
• Talk aloud to yourself. For example, saying the steps of a task while doing it. Or repeating the item you need when entering a room.
• Reduce distractions.
• Exercise your brain using games or puzzles that focus on memory or concentration. Or try learning a new skill or hobby.
• Tell the people around you about brain fog, how it's affecting you and how they could help. For example, you could ask them not to take it personally if you forget something. Or ask them to send you more reminders than usual.
• Ask for reasonable adjustments with work or studying.

Peer support

Making connections with people who have similar or shared experiences can help. You could try talking to other people about menopause to share feelings, experiences and advice.

For example, you could:

• Look for menopause support groups in your local area. You could search on the Hub of Hope website for groups or services near you. Or ask your GP or local Mind what's available in your area.
• Join a free Menopause Café event, either in person or online.
• Join Side by Side, Mind's supportive online community.
• Find support through social media.
• If you work or study, see if there's a menopause group or society you can join. Or try to start one yourself.
• Ask at your local community centre or place of worship about any menopause groups or events.
• Talk to your friends and family about menopause.
• Check out our pages on peer support for more information.

If you're seeking peer support online, it's important to look after your wellbeing and safety. We have more information about looking after your mental health online.

Starting to be more open about menopause has given me the ability to make social and emotional connections with other women.

Think about what you eat and drink

What we eat can affect our wellbeing, including our mood and energy levels. You may find that changing what you eat or drink makes the effects of menopause easier to cope with.

Everyone's different, so try to make food choices that work best for you and your situation. Our food and mental health pages have more information.

You might feel like using drugs or alcohol to cope with any difficult feelings. But in the long run they can make you feel worse. See our pages on recreational drugs and alcohol to find out more.

If you have a difficult relationship with food and eating, our pages on eating problems have information and tips which may help.

Try to keep active

Physical activity may help with the effects of menopause. You could try activities like yoga, walking, swimming, dance or strength training. The most important thing is to choose an activity that works for you and your life.

Try to build physical activity into your daily routine, if possible. It doesn't have to be anything big. If you aren't used to being active, start off small and try to find something you enjoy.

Our pages on physical activity, exercise and mental health have ideas for most abilities. They include things you can do at home. If you have mobility problems, the NHS website has a page of sitting exercises that you could try.

Pelvic floor exercises may help if you struggle with pain during sex or leaks from your bladder or bowel. The NHS has information on how to do pelvic floor exercises.

Try to improve your sleep

Menopause can have a big impact on our sleep. And how well we sleep can impact our wellbeing. Everyone's sleep patterns are different, and it's important to do what works for you.

These are some ideas you could try:

• Establish a routine around bedtime. This will help to set a regular sleeping pattern.
• Try to wind down before bed. Do a relaxing activity, like listening to music. Or try a relaxation exercise before you go to sleep. It may also help to avoid having caffeine before your bedtime, as this could keep you awake.
• Try to make your sleeping environment comfortable. Small changes can help. For example, it might help to use thin bedding or a fan to help you feel cooler.
• Remember that it won't last forever. Sometimes worrying about when we'll fall asleep or how many hours of sleep we'll get can make us feel even worse. Just lying in bed and resting can also help your body and mind.
• Have a plan for times you can't sleep. It might help to get up and do something relaxing to calm your mind and distract yourself. For example, you could read, listen to a podcast or music, or do something creative like colouring.

See our pages on sleep problems for more information. And more tips to improve your sleep.

Our page on treatment for menopause has information on treatments which may help improve your sleep.

Eye masks are another way I try to destress, often accompanied by a podcast. Or a good book (even rereading a book I have read several times).

Coping with intrusive thoughts or rumination

Having intrusive or distressing thoughts is common in menopause. And you might find yourself thinking things over again and again. This isn't helpful for our wellbeing but it can be hard to stop doing.

There are some tips you could try to manage these thoughts:

• Remember that often, the more we try to get rid of a thought, the more it comes into our mind. Try to sit with the thoughts that come into your head, rather than trying to get rid of them or make them better.
• Try naming the thoughts. For example, you could think or say to yourself "there's that intrusive thought again" or "here's that thought that makes me feel scared".
• Exaggerate or make fun of intrusive or upsetting thoughts. This can sometimes make the thought less powerful.
• Use a grounding object. Keep a small object with you to hold and focus on when you feel bothered by your thoughts. For example, you could use a stone, a fidget toy or a piece of fabric.
• Remember that just because you have a thought, it doesn't mean that you agree with it or that it's true. Sometimes it's just a thought.
• Focus on what you can and can't control. It may help to make a list of the things you can change, and the things you can't. Try to accept the things you have no control over.
• Challenge negative things you say to yourself. Think about how you'd talk to a friend and try to talk to yourself like this.
• Write down all of your bad or negative thoughts to get them out of your head. You could then throw these notes away or delete them.

I have a diary to write thoughts down in no order, no grammar or punctuation just words to get them out of my system. I also use the notes section on my phone for this if I am out and about.

Learn about menopause

Learning more about menopause could help you feel more in control. It can also help you speak up for yourself and your needs. This includes learning about any options for treatment and support. 

You could:

• Find information about menopause. You could visit The Menopause Charity's website or the NHS's web pages on menopause. Read our tips for finding reliable information online. 
• Read, watch and listen to other people's menopause stories. This could be through TV, news articles, podcasts, videos, books or social media.
• Ask people in your life about their experiences of menopause.
• Make plans for what you may need to help you cope with the effects of menopause. This could be now or in the future.
• Get involved with campaigns to raise awareness or fight for better menopause services.
• Track your symptoms. You could use the Menopause Charity's symptom list, or a symptom tracking app. See our page on finding reliable mental health information online for tips on finding apps that are safe and reliable.

What I found helps me is researching the symptoms I have and realising that they are connected to menopause and this gives me hope to hang in there and get through any tough moments.

Make your needs a priority

It can be difficult to prioritise your own needs. You may have lots of responsibilities which mean that looking after yourself is the last thing you think about. Or you may feel guilty or unable to make time for yourself.

Menopause can be a time to make changes so that your needs become more of a priority. For example, you could:

• Say no more often.
• Ask people in your life for help and support. For example, if you live with other people, ask them for more help with household tasks.
• Take regular breaks.
• Ask for things that might make you more comfortable. This might include taking a seat by a window, or going somewhere less crowded.
• Find ways to make tasks easier. For example, making quicker, more simple meals.
• Seek support and treatment. It can feel like the effects of menopause are just something we have to live with. But sometimes we need the right treatment or support to get on with our lives. And it's always ok to ask for help.
• If you're in work, see if your employer has a menopause policy. There might be things you could ask for, such as flexible working. Our information on getting support at work has tips for talking to your manager.
• Ask for reasonable adjustments at work, in education, or when using services. For more information on what you might be eligible for, see our legal page on reasonable adjustments.

Be kind to yourself

Being kind to ourselves can make a big difference to our wellbeing. Here are some things you could try:

• Spend time in nature. Our information about nature and mental health includes ideas for being in nature and ways to bring nature indoors.
• Try a relaxation technique. Relaxation can help you look after your wellbeing when you're feeling stressed, anxious or busy. Find out more about relaxation.
• Do little things to make yourself feel better. This could be singing along to your favourite music, lighting a scented candle or putting on your favourite body cream.
• Avoid comparing yourself to others. Society and the media can give us unachievable ideas about how we should look and feel. These ideas are unhelpful and untrue.
• Write a compassionate letter to yourself. You could acknowledge how distressing your thoughts and feelings are. But also remind yourself that you can get through this.

I made sure I did things for me, from the simplest things like walking my dog to a glass of wine and a good old natter with friends. I even dated. It was a whole new world out there!

Try new things

Trying new things, helping others or being creative can have a big impact on our wellbeing and self-esteem.

You could:

• Keep a journal. This may help you express yourself and understand your feelings better.
• Volunteer. Using your time to help others can give you a sense of purpose, help you meet people and boost your self-esteem.
• Find ways to make a difference. You could support a cause that's important to you. Or you could find ways to do small acts of kindness for others.
• Learn something new. You could join a class or take part in online learning. Learning a new skill can be enjoyable and help boost your confidence.
• Try something creative. You may find it helpful to do something creative, like drawing, taking photos or baking. This might help distract you from difficult thoughts or feelings. Or it may help you to understand yourself better or express difficult things in a safe way.

I try to focus on something practical such as my knitting or crochet. This is a skill I learned which I can now do to occupy both my hands and my head when I am struggling.

Make a self-care kit

A self-care kit is filled with things that normally comfort you and help you relax. This could help when you're struggling.

For example, you could include:

• Your favourite book
• Pictures or photos
• Hand or body creams
• A stress ball or fidget toy
• Blankets or comfy clothes

Or you could make a digital self-care kit on your phone. You could save photos, music, videos, messages or sayings that you find helpful. Or notes to remind yourself how to manage difficult situations.

Focus on the present

Paying attention to the present moment or your senses can help. This is sometimes called mindfulness.

You can use techniques such as meditation or breathing exercises. Or you can practise mindfulness by paying more attention to your senses while doing things you do each day. For example, while washing up or eating.

Practising mindfulness can help to improve sleep and manage stress. It may also help you feel less overwhelmed. Or more able to cope with difficult thoughts or feelings.

Our pages on mindfulness have more information. This includes some exercises you could try.

Using distraction methods and focusing on something else for a moment – all positive and useful advice that I still use today.

Practise self-care for mental health problems

Menopause can affect our mental health and wellbeing in many different ways.

Our pages on different mental health problems have self-care tips for a range of experiences. These include anger, anxiety and panic attacks, self-esteem and suicidal feelings.

Visit our A-Z of mental health for information on lots of mental health problems. 

Published: September 2024

Next review planned: September 2027

References and bibliography available on request.

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