How to open up about your mental health

It can be hard to talk about your feelings with people close to you.

You might worry about upsetting them. Or feel nervous about what they'll think. You might feel like you need to keep how you feel to yourself.

But often, telling someone how we feel is the first step towards being feeling better.

Whenever you feel ready to start a conversation, these tips might help.

Although the people around me were aware of my struggles, I very rarely spoke about them. The more I started to do this, the better I felt.  

Find a way of communicating that feels right for you

It could be a face-to-face conversation. Or you might find it easier to talk on the phone, or over text. You could choose to write down how you feel in a letter.

With my family, checking in with them via WhatsApp is usually what works best. But we also make time to chat in person.

Find a good time and place

There may not be a perfect time to talk about your mental health. But it can help if you're somewhere quiet and comfortable.

You could try to find somewhere you aren't likely to be disturbed for a while.

Choose who to open up to

Think about who you want to talk to about your mental health. It's OK if you want to talk to lots of people, or just one person you trust.

You might want to talk to different people in your life about different things. Who you talk to might depend on the support you need or other things happening in your life.

Not everyone will be able to give you the support you need. And who can support you might change over time.

Try not to take this personally. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. And there are other options out there for support if you need it. Like peer support groups or mental health helplines.

You could talk to your doctor. Our page on how to get help from your GP has more information.

In our own words: when I talked to my friends and family

Watch these young adults share how people have reacted to them talking about their mental health problem, good and bad.

Choose how much you want to share

You can choose how much you want to share with people. You don't need to tell everyone everything if you don't want to.

You might feel cautious about how much to open up at first. Especially if you feel like there's a lot to say. Or you aren't sure.

In some cases, you might want to let someone know you're struggling, but not share any details.

In other cases, you might want to tell them a lot more about how you're feeling and why.

How much you share might depend on:

• What kind of support you need
• How your mental health problem is affecting you
• How well you know the person you're sharing with
• How much the person you're talking to knows about mental health
• Where and when you're opening up
• Whether you’ve opened up about your mental health before, with this person, or with anyone

Share what feels right for you with who it feels right to share it with.

It would depend on who I'm speaking to within my friends or family as to how I would navigate it. It would also depend on if I was seeking their help. Or if I was just letting them know what's going on for me

Practise what you want to say

You could do this in your head. Or you could make some notes.

The person you're speaking to might have questions. You might want to think about how to answer these. Use words that feel natural to you.

Conversation starters

It can be hard to know how to talk about your mental health. We asked people with mental health problems how they would open up. These are some of their suggestions.

Starting the conversation:

• "I've not been feeling great. I really need someone to listen."
• "I want to let you know what's going on for me."
• "I'm struggling at the moment, feeling a bit lost and unsure of myself."
• “It's hard for me to talk about what I'm feeling. I’m worried about being judged. But I really want to talk to you about this.”
• “Is this a good time to talk to you about how I’ve been feeling?”
• “I'm not OK right now.”
• “Do you know much about mental health? I'd like to talk to you about it.”
  

How your mental health is affecting you:

• “Recently I've been feeling…”
• "Difficult times for me are when…"
• “I'm not OK or just a bit tired. This is affecting my life.”
• “I'm worrying all the time. About money, work, relationships, the future.”
• “I don't feel I have an interest in things I used to enjoy.”

How they can help you:

• “Please remember I'm still the same person.”
• “Please don't judge me.”
• “It's OK if you don't know how to make things better. I just want to be able to tell you how I'm feeling.”
• “It would help if you could send me a text now and then to check in.”
• "I was thinking of going for walks in my spare time. I wondered if you might want to join me for one of those?"

Offer examples that help you explain

Perhaps you've come across a phrase somewhere that captures how you feel. Or a story that resonates with you.

You could use this as a starting point for your conversation.

For example, it could be:

• Something on a TV show or in a film
• Lyrics to a song or poem
• Something you've read in a book, blog or article
• Something you've seen shared on social media

The words could come from a real person or from something creative or fictional. They're all valid ways to helps you to explain something about yourself.

Our website has lots of explanations of different types of mental health problems. You could show the other person these information pages, if that feels useful.

My family have used Mind to learn about the conditions I've been diagnosed with. They've been great and wanted to know more so they could support me.

Suggest things they could do to help

This might just be listening and offering emotional support. Or there may be practical things they can do.

You might want to talk to them more, for ongoing support. Or you might feel that it's enough to be able to share what you've been going through.

Our resources on how to help someone else have examples of ways they could help you.

And our free online resource, conversations in the community, could help show them how to make it easier for you to talk.

Don't expect too much from 1 conversation

It's unlikely that talking about your mental health will just be 1 conversation.

You might not be ready to talk about everything at once. You might need to take time between talks.

Understanding mental health problems can also take time. It's hard to predict how someone will react, even when they care about you.

For example, they might:

• Be shocked at first
• Not understand right away
• Say or ask things that make you uncomfortable - especially if they don't know a lot about mental health

Try and give them some space to learn if you can. If possible, plan to come back to the conversation with them again. This can give you more chances to explain what you're going through.

Remember that opening up about your mental health can be a process. And what we need changes over time.

Trying to open up to others is a big step, and it can be hard work. You might want to plan some wellbeing activities for yourself afterwards. Our page on how to improve your mental wellbeing has some ideas.

I’ve spoken to my closest friends and family about my eating disorder …Sometimes they don’t know what to say about my eating disorder and that’s fine because they’re loving and non-judgemental and that’s all I need. 

What if it goes badly?

Some of us have a bad experience of trying to talk to others about our mental health. The person you told might not have believed you or taken you seriously. They might have said things that upset you.

This can be really hard. Sometimes it might make our mental health worse. And it might make you feel like you can't talk to other people.

It's important to remember that just because someone reacted badly, it doesn't mean everyone you talk to will have that reaction.

If a conversation goes badly, you could:

• Try to give them some time to process what you've told them.
• Let them know they've have upset you, if that feels OK. They might not realise what they said wasn't helpful.
• If possible, give them some information on mental health that can help them understand. Like Mind's information.
• Talk to someone else you trust about the experience.
• Try peer support or a helpline where you can talk to someone who will understand.
• Do some self-care. Our pages for types of mental health problems have lots of self-care tips.
• If someone has negative attitudes about mental health, it's important not to blame yourself.

What if I don't have any friends or family I can talk to?

You might want to talk, but not have anyone in your life just now who it feels safe to talk to.

It can feel especially hard if that's part of the reason why you're struggling.

For example, if you're experiencing:

• Bereavement – you might've lost a person you used to confide in
• Relationship breakdown, or being estranged from family
• Cultural differences between you and the people close to you
• Loneliness or social isolation

But whatever you're going through, you're not alone.

Finding peer support

Getting support and encouragement from people who've been in a similar situation can also be really valuable.

Even if they can't change what you're going through, they can understand your experiences.

For example, Side by Side is a supportive online community run by us at Mind. And our pages about peer support groups have lots more suggestions.

Side by Side describes itself as a safe place to share experiences and listen to others, and for me it has been just that. You’ve got other people around you who are going through something similar. 

Helplines and listening lines

There are various emotional support helplines you could call. There's someone who wants to listen.

Some helplines offer a text chat feature instead of talking.

Find details on our page about mental health helplines.

Talking to your doctor and employer

You might want to open up to your doctor. Particularly if you're looking for support and treatment for your mental health. This may be as well as speaking to someone close to you. Or instead.

Our page on how to get help from your GP has tips for having this conversation.

If you're employed, you might have worries about opening up about your mental health at work. Our pages on mental health at work have tips for talking to your employer.