Social anxiety

Many of us feel anxious in some social situations. But social anxiety is more than just feeling shy or nervous. Social anxiety is when social situations make you feel very worried, stressed or afraid. 

This can have a big impact on your life. But there are things you can try that can help.

'It’s normal to be a little scared' everyone kept saying, and they were not wrong. Indeed it is normal to be scared. I guess what they didn’t catch is how scared I was. 

What is social anxiety?

Social anxiety is a form of anxiety and phobia. It impacts how we interact with other people, and how these interactions make us feel. It’s sometimes called ‘social phobia’.

You might feel social anxiety when:

• Interacting with people and having conversations. This could be in a group. Or talking to people 1-on-1. It could be in person, over the phone, or in video calls. It can involve things like shopping. Or talking to someone in authority.
• Doing things around people. Like eating or drinking.
• Performing in front of other people. Like giving a speech.

You might be anxious about what people think about you when you do these things. Or you might worry something bad will happen.

It’s different to just feeling shy. For example, it’s very common to feel nervous when meeting new people. But with social anxiety, the symptoms are very intense. They might make it hard to interact with people at all. And it might be very hard to make the feelings go away.

You may feel social anxiety in all types of social interaction. Or might only feel it in certain situations. For example, you might feel very anxious about talking to people 1-on-1, but feel fine giving a speech to a crowd.

Social anxiety can last for a short time or a long time. It can also go away and come back over your life.

Is social anxiety a mental health problem?

Social anxiety is a type of anxiety disorder and phobia. It can be diagnosed as a mental health problem if:

• You’ve had symptoms for a long time. Usually at least a few months.
• The symptoms are very intense or hard to cope with.
• It impacts how you live your day-to-day life. Like if the worry you feel stops you from interacting with people. Or makes you feel very overwhelmed when you do.

If your social anxiety is having a big effect on you, there is help available. You don’t need a diagnosis to access many types of support.

Our pages on how to manage anxiety and worry and treatment for anxiety have more information.

Social anxiety and different backgrounds

Your background and lifestyle can impact your experience of social interaction.

Different cultures and backgrounds have different ideas of what ‘normal’ social interaction looks like. This can impact how often we interact with people. And what we feel comfortable doing around them.

Your lifestyle might also limit how much you interact with people. For example, if you live or work in a very remote area.

These differences might mean you act in ways that seem anxious. Particularly if you’re in a social situation you’re not used to. But this doesn’t always mean you have social anxiety.

Doctors should consider these things before diagnosing social anxiety.

What are the symptoms of social anxiety?

Social anxiety can impact the way you feel in social situations, and how you act. You might feel these symptoms when you’re in a social situation. Or when you think about them.

Everyone’s experience of social anxiety is different. You might not feel all these symptoms. And the symptoms might change in different situations.

Physical symptoms of social anxiety

You might:

• Blush or feel very hot
• Sweat
• Shake or tremble
• Have panic attacks
• Breathe very fast and heavily
• Get a churning feeling or pain in your stomach
• Feel light-headed or dizzy
• Have a fast, thumping, or irregular heartbeat
• Feel sick or be sick
• Find it hard to speak
• Cry or feel like you will cry
• Tense your muscles – this might make them feel very sore
• Feel like your throat is closing 

Emotional symptoms of social anxiety

You might feel:

• Tense, nervous or unable to relax
• Like your mind is racing
• Like the world is speeding up or slowing down
• Like people are looking at you, talking about you or judging you
• Afraid of what people think of you
• Very alert and on edge
• Like you’re not good enough
• Disconnected from your mind or body (called dissociation)
• Humiliated or embarrassed about things you do, even if other people didn’t notice
• Worried about being rejected
• Dread about social plans – even if they’re nice plans
• Like you can’t stop thinking about how you acted around other people

Social anxiety can cause sleep problems. It can also impact your self-esteem and lead to depression.

I felt very disassociated in social situations. Like there was a sheet of glass between me and the rest of the world. My mind would tell me that I had nothing interesting to add to a conversation, so I would end up saying nothing at all.

How social anxiety can make you act

Social anxiety might make you do certain things to avoid symptoms, or make them less intense. This is sometimes called having ‘safety behaviours’. They might make us feel safe, but they can make our social anxiety worse.

You might not realise you’re doing these things. It might feel very normal.

You might:

• Avoid interacting with other people
• Avoid eye contact with people
• Speak very softly, or not speak at all
• Pick, pull or bite parts of your body – like your skin, nail, lips or hair
• Avoid doing things in front of people that make you worried or self-conscious – like eating
• Worry about an interaction for a long time before it happens
• Prefer jobs and hobbies that don’t involve other people
• Talk a lot to help you manage the conversation, or speak very fast
• Feel like you shouldn't say what you think
• Use alcohol or recreational drugs to cope with social interactions

We’ve more information on safety behaviours in our self-care for phobias page. There are also tips on how to overcome them.

The symptoms of social anxiety can feel very intense. You might feel like you have to avoid social interaction, even if this means you avoid other people completely. Or miss important events in your life.

This might happen if your symptoms have been very overwhelming. Or if you’ve had them for a long time.

In some cases, your social anxiety might make it hard for you to leave your home. This is called agoraphobia.

I avoided more and more social situations until the only place I went was work. And I felt horribly anxious whenever I had to have a meeting or interact with my colleagues.

What causes social anxiety?

Social anxiety can be caused by many different things. It might build up gradually over time, or it might happen very suddenly.

It can happen after a bad experience of interacting with people. This might just be 1 experience, or a lot of bad experiences that build up over time.

You might not always know why you feel anxious or what caused it.

The cause of social anxiety can be the same as the causes of other kinds of anxiety. This can include things like past experiences, or genetic factors.

Our causes of anxiety page has more information.

Physical and mental health problems

Social anxiety can also happen as part of other mental and physical health problems. This can be for lots of reasons. For example:

• You might be worried about people noticing symptoms of your health problem. And how they might treat you.
• Your health might limit how much time you spend with other people. This can make socialising harder.
• Some social interactions might make your health feel worse. Like triggering symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder.
• You might have experienced discrimination or stigma because of your health problem. This can make you cautious about interacting with people.

ADHD and autism

Those of us with attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) or who are autistic are more likely to experience social anxiety. This can be for lots of reasons. You might find it hard to relate to certain people. Or feel they don’t understand you. This can make some socialising difficult.

You might also have experienced bullying, discrimination or poor treatment from other people because of your ADHD or autism. This can also make you feel anxious about interacting with others.

Our pages on ADHD and mental health and autism and mental health have more information.

How do I overcome and manage social anxiety?

Social anxiety can feel very overwhelming. But it's possible to reduce the impact social anxiety has on you. Some of these tips might help.

Understand your feelings

It can be helpful to take some time to understand how your social anxiety makes you feel. This can make you more aware of what makes you anxious.

Understanding how situations make us feel isn’t about avoiding them. This information can help us prepare for situations that make us anxious. And slowly build up our confidence.

For example, you can try and remember a time where you felt very anxious and think about:

• What specific things made you feel anxious
• How your body felt
• How you felt emotionally
• What you were thinking about at the time, or afterwards
• What things made you feel better

Challenge your thoughts

Social anxiety can make us think bad things about ourselves. For example, you might tell yourself that no one likes talking to you. Or feel like people are always judging what you do.

These thoughts might feel very true. Or feel like they protect you from something bad happening. But they can be barriers to overcoming anxiety.

It can help to try and challenge some of these thoughts. This can help you break unhelpful patterns of thinking.

You could:

• Ask yourself if you’re focusing on the most likely thing to happen. Or just the worst case scenario.
• Challenge yourself to think of positives to socialising  – not just negatives.
• Think of nice things people have said about you. Or nice things you think about yourself.

Our tips to improve your self-esteem page has more ideas you can try.

I found gradually exposing myself to more anxiety-inducing situations and recording what I feared would happen vs the reality of what actually happened very helpful.

Try not to focus on yourself

Social anxiety can make us feel very self-conscious. We might focus a lot on our own thoughts, feelings and actions. This can make it seem like other people are focusing on them too.

It can sometimes help to try and notice more about the present moment. You can try:

• Noticing details about other people or objects
• Focusing on what other people are saying
• Grounding techniques – like noticing things you can see, smell, touch and hear

This can help you feel more connected with other people. And less focused on yourself.

Some of us find mindfulness helpful. But others find this can be difficult. It might make social anxiety feel worse because you notice your negative thoughts more. 

Skills such as grounding techniques and mindfulness made me feel confident that I knew how to manage the anxiety which had felt out of control

Try self-help guides

Some people find self-help resources help them manage their anxiety. These can include books, online guides, and online programmes. They aim to help you challenge the thoughts that are behind social anxiety. And guide you through steps to overcome it.

Self-help resources include:

• Books. Reading Well has a list of books recommended by experts and people with lived experience.
• NHS resources. Some NHS trusts have guides and workbooks to help manage social anxiety. Some of these are available online. Or you can ask your GP.
• Online programmes and resources. Some self-help programmes are available online. Your GP might be able to give you free access to approved online programmes. Or you may be able to find some guides for free. It can be hard to know if online guides are safe and reliable. Our information on looking after your mental health online might be helpful.

I learned to control my anxiety and work with it instead. Since then I have felt like my social life has flourished in a way I would have never imagined.

Take things slowly

Social interaction can feel very overwhelming. Particularly if you’ve had social anxiety for a long time.

It can be helpful to take things slowly and build up to interactions bit by bit. This can help you adjust to socialising more comfortably.

Our self-care for phobias page has more information on exposing yourself to things that make you anxious. And how to do this slowly.

I started small – first one was going to the bakery and saying the order myself.  Then very, very slowly built up to longer interactions, with more people.

Our information on how to manage anxiety and worry and self-care for phobias have more tips.

And our how to help someone who has anxiety page has tips on how other people can support you.

Social Anxiety Alliance UK has information about social anxiety and lists some support groups and forums.

What are the treatments for social anxiety?

There are treatments available if social anxiety is impacting your day-to-day life. Or if your symptoms are very hard to manage. They include talking therapy and medication.

Some of these treatments you can refer yourself to. For others, you might need to speak to a GP first. Our page on how to get help from your GP is a good starting point.

Our treatment for anxiety and coping with phobias pages also have more information on getting help. This includes guidance on what to do if your anxiety makes it hard for you to seek help.

Therapy took time, but slowly I built up my pile of evidence, that taught my brain how to cope with social situations.