Self-care for personality disorder

If you've been diagnosed with personality disorder, it might sometimes feel like a struggle. But there are things you can do yourself that may help.

Not everything will work for you, and different things might work at different times.

My mind and body seem to need so much stimulation it's almost painful. I have channelled this into exercising, mainly weights and strength training, and also into reading and I love puzzles.

Coping with feeling overwhelmed right now

If you're experiencing lots of difficult feelings, it can feel overwhelming.

Try to focus on one thing at a time. These tips may help.

If you feel angry, frustrated or restless

You could:

• Try a breathing exercise
• Turn up your favourite music, and dance or sing
• Do something with your hands, like making or fixing something
• Do something creative like colouring, drawing, creative writing or making music
• Write in a journal
• Take a shower - some people find taking a cold shower in particular can help

See our page on how to manage anger for more tips.

If you feel depressed, sad or lonely

You could:

• Get comfy and watch your favourite TV show
• Read a favourite book
• Write all your negative feelings on a piece of paper and scrunch or tear it up
• Listen to a song or watch a video you find uplifting
• Write a comforting letter to the part of yourself that is feeling sad or alone
• Call or text a friend you've not spoken to in a while
• Cuddle a pet or a soft toy

See our page on self-care for depression for more tips.

If you feel anxious, panicky or tense

You could:

• Make yourself a hot drink and drink it slowly, noticing the taste and smell, the shape of the mug and its weight in your hand
• Take ten deep breaths, counting each one out loud
• Write down everything you can think of about where you are right now, such as the time, date, colour of the walls and the furniture in the room
• Take a warm bath or shower - this can help change your mood by creating a soothing atmosphere and a distracting physical sensation

See our page on self-care for anxiety and panic attacks for more tips.

If you feel dissociative or spaced out

You could:

• Breathe slowly
• Listen to sounds around you
• Walk barefoot
• Wrap yourself in a blanket and feel it around you
• Eat or sniff something with a strong taste or smell

See our page on helping yourself with dissociation for more tips.

If you want to self-harm

You could:

• Draw or put a plaster on the area of your body where you want to harm yourself
• Massage the area where you want to harm yourself
• Find creative ways to express these feelings, through writing songs or poetry, drawing, movement or singing
• Have a very cold shower

See our page on helping yourself if you self-harm for more tips.

Helping yourself long-term

There are tips you can try to help how you feel in the longer-term.

Talk to someone

Talking to someone could help with any difficult feelings. This includes if you feel isolated by your diagnosis and experiences.

It can be hard to talk when you're not feeling well. You may feel like no one understands what you're going through. Sharing our information could help if you find it difficult to explain what you're experiencing.

If you don’t feel you can talk to the people around you, you could contact a helpline. For example, you can talk to Samaritans for free on 116 123 about anything that's upsetting you. See our page on mental health helplines to find more options.

Try peer support

Peer support brings together people who've had similar experiences. If you've been diagnosed with personality disorder, this may help. Especially if it feels hard for others to understand what you're going through.

There are lots of ways to find peer support. You could:

• Ask your local Mind about peer support
• Ask your NHS trust about Service User Networks in your area – these are peer-led groups for people diagnosed with personality disorder
• Try an online peer support community, like Mind's Side by Side

Visit our pages on peer support groups to learn more. 

Following individuals online with personality disorder who post about what they experience, warts and all, helps me feel so much more ‘normal’.

Try DBT self-help techniques

Dialectical behavioural therapy (DBT) helps you learn skills to manage your emotions and behaviour.

There are ways to try some DBT skills yourself. For example, using self-help materials on the DBT Self Help website. These include diary cards, exercises and behavioural analysis sheets.

There are also workbooks you can buy to help learn DBT skills at home. And DBT apps you can download. See our page on finding reliable information online for tips on finding apps that are safe and reliable.

But it can be difficult to learn DBT techniques by yourself. Doing DBT by yourself may not work as well as working with a trained therapist. Self-help techniques might help if you're on a waiting list for treatment.

Keep a mood diary

Recording your moods could help you spot patterns, such as anything that triggers difficult experiences. Or notice early signs when they're beginning to happen.

Try noting down difficult thoughts or feelings. You could do this in a diary or mood tracking app.

Noting things down can help get them out of your head. This could make them feel less overwhelming. You can then reflect on them when you feel calmer. Or talk about them with someone you trust.

Be kind to yourself and make a note of what's going well too. Recognise steps you've taken or new things you tried. They don't need to be big things. It could be taking a shower, going for a walk or texting a friend.

If I’m happy, I’m sky high, but if I’m depressed, I want to hurt myself and can often feel that life is not worth living

Plan for difficult times

You might not always feel able to tell people how you're feeling or what help you need. It might help to create a crisis plan.

This plan can explain what would keep you safe if you're struggling. And what you'd like to happen in an emergency.

Your plan could include:

• The names and contact details of people you trust. These are people you can ask for help if you're feeling distressed.
• Details of a safe place you can go for support. This could be the home of a friend, family member, or someone else you trust.
• What you can do to make your environment safe. For example, removing things you could use to harm yourself.
• How to recognise warning signs that you might have a crisis. This could be any changes in your feelings or behaviour that might show you're having a hard time.
• The names and contact details of professionals who can support you. For example, your local crisis team.
• Details of helplines and listening services. These have trained professionals who can listen to how you feel and keep you company. This could help if you're feeling distressed.
• Any practical needs. For example, if you have children or pets, make a note of who can look after them when you're unwell.
• What treatments you would like to have or avoid when you're in crisis.
• When you'd like people to consider hospital treatment for you.

If you can, try to make the plan when you're feeling a bit better. It helps if you can think clearly about what you might need when you're struggling.

You could also make the plan with someone you trust, such as a friend or therapist.

Developing a crisis plan can take some time. It's ok if you feel overwhelmed by it or don't know what to write. It might help to complete it in a few stages.

There are many different types of crisis plan. See our information on planning for a crisis for more information.

Look after your physical health

Looking after your physical health can make a difference to how you feel. This can be hard if you struggle with negative thoughts about yourself. But taking small steps can make things feel less overwhelming.

Here's some ideas:

• Try to improve your sleep. Sleep can help give you the energy to cope with difficult feelings and experiences. See our tips to improve your sleep for more information.
• Think about what you eat. Eating regularly and keeping your blood sugar stable can make a difference to your mood and energy levels. See our pages on food and mental health and eating problems for more information.
• Try to do some physical activity. Finding activity that works for you could really help your mental wellbeing. See our pages on physical activity, exercise and mental health for more information.
• Spend time outside. Spending time in green space can boost your wellbeing. See our pages on nature and mental health for more information.
• Take care with alcohol or drug use. You might use drugs or alcohol to cope with difficult feelings. But they can make you feel a lot worse. And they may stop you from getting the support you need for your mental health. See our pages on recreational drugs, alcohol and addiction for more information.