Helping someone with PMDD
If you're supporting a partner, friend or family member who is experiencing PMDD, it can be hard to know how to help. But there are lots of ideas you can try.
This page covers:
- Take it seriously
- Try to understand
- Ask them what helps
- Be patient
- Reassure them
- Plan around their monthly cycle
- Support them to seek help
- Look after yourself
I still can't bring myself to tell a lot of friends and colleagues what has gone on, due to the pervading attitude of 'women's problems / it's just your period'.
Take it seriously
Some people with PMDD find it hard to explain what they're going through. It's particularly difficult when others dismiss their experiences as "just that time of the month" or "just something all women experience".
These misconceptions are not true. And they can make it hard for anyone who experiences PMDD to open up about how they feel.
It's important to understand that PMDD can have a large effect on someone's life. The symptoms are real, and can be very difficult to cope with.
I have a terrible relationship with my sister because she just refuses to understand or acknowledge my PMDD. I'm fortunate my parents are as understanding as they can be, but for a non-PMDD sufferer PMDD is really difficult to understand.
Ask them what helps
PMDD can affect people in different ways, so it's important to ask what things they'd find most helpful.
They may just want emotional support. Or there may be practical things you could do. For example, helping with tasks such as household chores or food shopping could take some of the pressure off them.
Be patient
Even with support, someone with PMDD may have times when they're irritable. They may act differently to how they usually do. It can be hard to support someone if they don't seem to appreciate help.
It's not easy, but you may need to be more patient than usual. Remember that this won't last forever and their symptoms should get better within a few days.
When they experience their symptoms, they might say or do things that upset you. If this happens, it can help to wait until after the symptoms have passed before bringing it up. That way they may feel more able to talk about it.
Reassure them
When they experience symptoms, you can try to reassure them that the symptoms will soon pass. Let them know that you're there to support them and that they're not alone. It often helps to just know that there's someone around who understands.
Some people with PMDD experience suicidal feelings. This can be difficult to cope with, for both of you. See our pages on supporting someone who feels suicidal for information about how you can help.
My partner is very supportive and that helps so much and really does mean the world to me. He makes my world feel very safe when I feel very lost.
Plan around their monthly cycle
PMDD symptoms happen at specific times in the menstrual cycle.
If you can predict when the symptoms are likely to start, you can plan things in advance that might help. For example, you could schedule time to help out with daily chores. Or you could plan activities to help them to relax. You could make sure you're around to offer your support.
It might also help to avoid planning any activities during times that they might find difficult.
Support them to seek help
Our information on treatments for PMDD and self-care have information on getting support for PMDD. You could also encourage them to seek help from their GP.
But not all healthcare professionals are aware of PMDD or fully understand it. Some people can face barriers to getting the treatment and support they deserve.
It can help to remind them that PMDD is a recognised condition like many others. And that they deserve treatment and support.
Knowing that you're there to support them could help them to keep trying, if they do face barriers. You could even consider becoming their advocate. See our pages on advocacy for more information.
Look after yourself
Supporting someone can be really hard. It's common to feel overwhelmed at times.
Try to look after your own mental health too. This will help you to have the energy, time and distance you need to be able to offer support. You could:
- Set boundaries and don't take too much on. Decide what your limits are and how much help you can give.
- Share your caring role with others, if you can. It's often easier to support someone if you're not doing it alone.
- Talk to others about how you're feeling. You may not want to share too much with the person you're supporting. But talking about your own feelings with someone you trust can help you feel supported too.
See our pages on coping while caring for someone else for more suggestions on what you can do, and where you can go for support.
Published: October 2024.
Next review planned: October 2027.
References and bibliography available on request.
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