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Talking to a young person about their mental health

A guide for trusted adults, like parents, carers, guardians and family members, on how to talk to young people about mental health and wellbeing.

Read this page in Welsh (Cymraeg)

Supporting young people

Our mental health and wellbeing can change at any time. Sometimes we feel good, and sometimes things feel harder to cope with.

When supporting a young person, it's important that they feel able to share how they're feeling. It's also important that you feel comfortable and confident asking them how things are going.

It can help to check in regularly and make time for young people to talk about how they're feeling, if they want to. You don't have to wait until they're struggling with their mental wellbeing.

This page is for trusted adults who want to check in with a young person they're supporting.

For information on talking to them about your own mental health, see our page on parenting with a mental health problem.

The hardest step while struggling with mental health is being able to talk about it. But it's a good and rewarding thing to do, and it takes the stigma away from it.

Understanding mental health and mental wellbeing

Before feeling like we can talk to a young person about mental health and wellbeing, we should understand what these terms mean.

While we all experience these things differently, we can broadly define them as:

  • Mental health is about how we think, feel and behave. Our mental health is on a spectrum which can range from good to poor. We might also experience mental health problems, and might need professional support.
  • Mental wellbeing is about how we're feeling right now, and how well we can cope with daily life. Our wellbeing can change from moment to moment, day to day, or month to month.

I need more information

We have more information to help you learn about mental health and wellbeing.

These pages are for adults:

Go to intro on mental wellbeing
Read about mental health problems

These pages are for young people:

Get info on mental health
Go to page on mental wellbeing
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Our mental health and wellbeing can change often. This is why it helps to check in regularly with young people to talk about how they're feeling.

Signs of poor mental health and wellbeing

It can be hard to know if a young person is struggling with mental health or wellbeing. We all react differently when we're going through a difficult time or feel like we can't cope.

During a time of poor mental wellbeing, you might notice certain signs, see something different, or not notice anything at all. Some signs could also relate to a young person's physical health or something else entirely.

We don't need to treat each sign as an immediate warning of poor mental wellbeing. A lot of the time, it's about noticing changes in these behaviours and actions, especially sudden changes.

The signs in the list below relate to general feelings of poor mental health and wellbeing.

These examples are not the same as the signs that doctors might use to diagnose a mental health problem.

For example, a young person might:

  • Seem distant, or not like their usual self
  • Have trouble with relationships, like spending less time with people or getting into conflicts more often
  • Avoid things they do regularly, like socialising or going to school, college or work
  • Not chat, smile or laugh as much
  • Seem less confident
  • Change the way they dress, like wearing baggier clothes or long sleeves in hot weather
  • Seem more worried or nervous
  • Find it hard to cope with things in the news, like climate change
  • Talk about concerning feelings or ideas, or do these things
  • Lose interest in or not do activities they normally love
  • Seem restless or unsettled a lot of the time
  • Smoke, vape, drink or use drugs to cope – for more information, visit the FRANK website
  • Eat too much or too little
  • Find it hard to concentrate
  • Look tired, which might be related to sleep and mental health
  • Not take care of their hygiene or appearance like they used to
  • Self-harm, which can come in lots of different forms
  • Do repetitive behaviour, like tapping or checking things a lot
  • Cry, shout or feel angry more than usual
  • Use social media in a different way, or more or less than before
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A change in social media use can sometimes be helpful and positive. Some young people use it to get information or peer support, and to connect with others who have similar interests.

As part of a regular check-in, you can ask them how social media is affecting their wellbeing.

What if I don't notice any signs?

It can be difficult to pick up on signs, especially if you don't live with them or spend lots of time with them. Some young people might also ‘hide’ signs they're struggling, which is why it helps to know how to talk openly about mental health.

Just because they don't show any signs, it doesn't mean you shouldn't check in with them.

When supporting a young person, you might also find it hard to tell the difference between:

  • Signs related to poor mental wellbeing
  • Behaviours related to hormones or teenage development

There might be some overlap, but checking in regularly can help them feel more comfortable about sharing their feelings as time goes on.

I have a very open support system, and can interact and speak to with my friends and family at any time – Muwahhid, 15

How to ask about their mental health and wellbeing

When supporting a young person, lots of us feel uncertain about what to say when it comes to mental health and wellbeing.

If we're finding it hard to start up a conversation, it helps to feel prepared. We don't need to have a long chat every time, we might just want to check in to see how they're feeling.

This section has guidance on:

Planning ahead and feeling prepared

If it's your first time talking to them about mental health and wellbeing, some of these ideas might help:

  • Try to find a time and place that suits you both. The time might never feel ideal, but it helps if you both feel calm and comfortable. This could mean talking in a quiet place, or while doing an activity together.
  • Practise what you want to say. You could write things down or practise in your head or aloud. Parents and carers could also talk to someone on the YoungMinds Parents Helpline. Other trusted adults can find helplines on our useful contacts page.
  • Try not to feel discouraged at your first attempt. They might not respond well the first time, or might not want to engage at all. You can try again another time when they feel ready.
  • Remember to give them the space they need. Pressuring them to share everything right away might make them less willing to talk. Tell them you're there for them and let them come to you. It's important to respect their boundaries – they might not want to share or talk about certain things with you.

My [younger] brother doesn't like talking. I can see him struggle too, but he doesn't want to talk, so I don't push it. I will be here for him until he wants to talk.

Choosing the best way to communicate

We all prefer to communicate in different ways. Find out what feels best for them by asking what they'd find most comfortable.

You might want to talk face-to-face, but if either of you find this difficult or overwhelming you could:

  • Talk on the phone
  • Send texts or voice notes to each other
  • Write notes or letters to each other
  • Agree on certain emojis they can send as a code for how they're feeling
  • Talk while walking or driving
  • Talk during an activity together, like cooking, playing a game or watching TV

It can take time to work out how you want to communicate with each other. There is no perfect time or way to talk – it's different for all of us and you're trying your best.

I've always found just being present with them, giving them the attention they need, and doing an activity together allows them to open up and relax. I can be myself around them and not focus heavily on the conversation being about their mental health.

How to start the conversation

If you're feeling nervous about talking, you might feel more confident having some phrases to open the conversation.

If you want to start checking in regularly with them, even when things seem to be going well, try using conversation starters like:

  • “How are things going at school/college/training/work?”
  • “If you ever need to talk to anyone, you know that I'm here for you?”
  • “It seems like you're feeling okay about ___, but you can always talk to me if you want to.”
  • “You seem really happy about ___! I'd love to hear more about it.”
  • “I remember you told me that you were upset about ___ last week. How are you feeling about it now?”

If you've noticed some signs of poor mental wellbeing and want to ask how they are, try using conversation starters like:

  • “This might be difficult for us to talk about, but I'd like to ask you about something.”
  • “I noticed that you've been feeling ___ lately. I wondered if you want to talk about it?”
  • “You've [not seemed yourself/not been seeing your friends as much/not been going to college very often] in the past couple of weeks. Is there anything you want to talk about?”
  • “I noticed that you were acting a little differently recently. I know you might feel like you can't talk to me, but I can help you find people to contact if you want to talk about ___.”

You could also find information or examples from something on TV, online or in a book that they might relate to. For example, you could ask:

  • “Have you been watching the series about ___? It made me think about how you told me you felt last week.”
  • “What do you think about the character who's going through ___?”

What you could say after talking

Whether it's the first time you've spoken or it's a regular chat, you can end your conversations in different ways. You could try to:

  • Reassure them that you're still there for them
  • Tell them that you'll support them if they need you
  • Ask how you can help them and what they'd like from you
  • Ask if they want your help getting support from someone else, like a teacher, doctor or another trusted adult
  • Do something afterwards together that you enjoy, like listening to music or playing a game you both like
  • Remind them that there is help and you will get through it together
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Try to be patient if they feel upset or the chat doesn't end in a positive way. Remember that you can also finish by pausing to take a break.

You might both need some time to reflect, but could pick up the conversation again later.

How to be a good listener

One of the best things we can do is listen to the young person we want to support.

To show that you're listening to whatever they want to share about mental health and wellbeing, try to:

  • Give them your full attention. Make sure you won't get distracted, for example by turning off your phone notifications. You can do an activity while you speak, as long as you're doing it together – it shouldn't be something one-sided.
  • Show you're open and not judgemental. Try using positive body language, like uncrossing your arms or sitting at the same level as them.
  • Allow them to talk when they want to. Some young people find it hard to talk when they're not ready. And you might find it hard to know when to give them space and when you should talk. Remember that texting or writing each other letters is also a valid way of communicating. Try sharing our tips about getting ready to open up.
  • Ask open questions. Ask questions that encourage them to share more, so that you can just listen. For example, you might say “can you tell me what that's like for you?”. Questions like “are you okay?” might only get a yes or no response.
  • Repeat some parts aloud. After they tell you something, repeating it back can help you check you understand what they mean. It also shows them that you're actively listening.
  • Stay with the silence. It can feel hard, but you don't have to fill any silent moments. Being a good listener also means letting them pause or giving space for them to explain. They might want to set boundaries about how often or when you'll respond, especially if they feel more comfortable texting or writing.
  • Remember that you don't need to fix problems immediately. They might just need to speak about how they're feeling right now. But you can ask them how they want you to support them.

Make sure to take breaks or set up regular times to check in – it doesn't need to be a single, lengthy conversation.

Approaching people with mental health problems in an open and compassionate manner really helps. I've come across a few mental health workers who haven't been compassionate and open with me, so it didn't feel like I could open up to them.

Telling people what they've shared

When young people share information with certain professionals, it should be kept confidential. But if they share with another trusted adult, it's less clear when their information will be kept private.

If a young person feels worried that you'll tell someone what they've shared, they might find it hard to talk to you about their mental health and wellbeing.

It can help to explain when you would need to tell other people. Or to ask the young person about what they want to share and with who. You can set these types of boundaries together.

Confidentiality and boundaries around sharing might come up in different ways, for example:

  • Sharing with organisations or services. If you work with them in an after-school club, you might need tell their school or college if they're at risk of being hurt, or hurting themselves or others. Or in other cases, you might need to tell a doctor or the police.
  • Telling their siblings or other family members. Others might have noticed some signs, feel confused or have questions about what's going on. It could also help to have regular discussions all together about understanding feelings.

Understanding confidentiality and mental health

Find out more about what this could mean for young people.

Go to confidentiality info
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Think about who needs to know, what they need to know and why.

Try asking yourself if it's important to tell someone else in order to keep the young person safe.

If they don't want to talk

It can be hard if a young person doesn't want to talk, or they change their mind about talking.

They might feel more comfortable talking to or getting support from someone else. Or it could be that they don't feel ready – try reading and sharing our page on opening up about mental health.

You might want to try out different ways of starting a conversation. Or you might need to be patient and build trust with them over time. If you keep showing you're there for them, they might feel more able to open up to you.

Remember that they might have a reason for not wanting to talk.

You might feel stressed by home life or work, they might be under exam stress or have problems with their relationships. Try to talk when you're both feeling calm.

If things are getting too much, suggest taking a break and agreeing to talk again at another time.

They might feel scared that people will think differently of them or react in a negative way, especially because of stigma. Or might think you won't understand what they're going through.

There are many ways to show support for whatever the reason might be, for example supporting someone who is LGBTQIA+.

They might have concerns about damaging or changing the type of relationship you have.

Remind them that it's okay to talk to a different person, but you're here when they're ready.

You could suggest talking elsewhere, like in a park or open space. Or they might find it easier to talk to a trusted adult in a different environment, like a teacher at school.

Getting support in a mental health crisis

You might be supporting a young person who feels overwhelmed, or like they want to hurt themselves or someone else.

Either of you can:

If you feel worried that they may attempt suicide, or have seriously hurt themselves, this is an emergency. You should:

  • Call 999 and ask for an ambulance
  • Go to A&E at the nearest hospital, if you can

Other ways to offer support

We can support young people with their mental wellbeing in lots of ways, but we should always ask what they'd prefer. Different young people will want support in different ways, at different times.

You could:

  • Help them with practical things, like registering with a doctor or getting ready for an appointment.
  • Share information about mental health and read through it together. Doing this regularly might help to improve your conversations. Find pages to share in our information hub for young people.
  • Encourage them to do things they normally enjoy, like watching a film or doing sports.
  • Offer support for stressful things, like exams, discrimination or difficult things in the news.
  • Check up on their physical health, like making sure they're eating well and sleeping enough.
  • Support them to help themselves, which can also improve their confidence. You can share self-care tips from our information hub on looking after yourself.
  • Talk about how you're feeling sometimes. If you can be open about your own mental health and wellbeing, it might help them to open up.
  • Show them that it's okay to ask for help for mental health, if you need it. Some young people see adults as very independent and don't realise that we might need support at any age.

Talking about mental health and wellbeing with them is important, but remember that it's only 1 part of your lives. Keep talking about things you've always talked about together, and treat them the same as before.

Taking care of your mental wellbeing

Looking after your own wellbeing might give them positive examples of ways to look after themselves.

This should also help you feel more able to support them. It's difficult to help others if we're experiencing poor mental health.

Go to wellbeing tips for adults

As a young person experiencing mental health problems, I found talking with others incredibly difficult. What helped me open up, was to learn about other people's experiences. It gave me the confidence to open up and talk.

Where can I find more help and support?

After talking to them about mental health and wellbeing, you might feel they need more support than you can offer.

Here are some things that could help both you and the young people you support:

Useful contact details

Lots of charities, services and organisations offer support for mental health and wellbeing.

See contacts for young people
See contacts for adults supporting young people

Published: July 2025
Next review planned: July 2028

We spoke to young people, parents, carers and guardians who agreed to give quotes for this page. Their experiences are not related to the people shown in the photos.

References are available on request. If you want to reproduce this content, see our permissions and licensing page.

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