Understanding suicidal thoughts

Many people think about suicide at some point in their lives. 

You're not alone. We're here for you.

Content warning: this information might be upsetting or difficult to read. You may want to take your time reading it. 

My suicidal feelings and thoughts are some of the worst things I've ever experienced. I felt lost, hopeless and as though I was losing control.

What are suicidal thoughts?

Suicide is the act of intentionally taking your own life.

Suicidal thoughts can mean:

• Having abstract thoughts about ending your life
• Feeling that people would be better off without you
• Thinking about methods of suicide
• Making clear plans to take your own life

Some of us use the phrases 'suicidal feelings' or 'suicidal ideation' to describe these experiences.

Anyone can experience suicidal thoughts.

Suicidal thoughts might build up gradually or happen very suddenly. They can be more or less severe at different times. They may change quickly. You might experience them for a short amount of time or feel like they're constantly there.

If you're feeling suicidal, you may find these feelings overwhelming or distressing. Some of us who experience suicidal feelings might find them comforting or reassuring. This reaction might be scary or confusing for you.

But you're not alone. Many people think about suicide at some point in their lifetime.

I felt that the only way out was to disappear.

What does it feel like to be suicidal?

Different people have different experiences of suicidal feelings. You might feel unable to cope with the difficult feelings you're experiencing. You may feel less like you want to die and more like you cannot go on living the life you have.

It's common to not understand why you feel this way.

How you might think or feel

• Hopeless, like there's no point in living
• Tearful and overwhelmed by negative thoughts
• Unbearable pain that you can't imagine will end
• Like you don't want to exist
• Useless, not wanted or not needed by others
• Like you don't want to die, but living is too difficult
• Desperate, as if you have no other choice
• Like you can't think of anything else and suicide is always on your mind
• Powerless, like you can't do anything to stop it
• Self-hatred, feeling worthless and low self-esteem
• Like everyone would be better off without you
• Cut off from your body or physically numb

What you may experience

• Poor sleep, including sleeping too much or not enough
• A change in appetite or sudden changes to your weight
• No desire to take care of yourself, for example not showering or eating like you normally would
• Wanting to avoid others
• Not being able to focus on or enjoy things you normally like
• Reckless or risky behaviour because you don't care what happens to you
• Making a will or giving away possessions
• Struggling to communicate
• Talking or writing about death and wanting to die
• Urges to self-harm or use recreational drugs and alcohol

First I withdrew from social engagements and work, then from everyone. My basic self-care diminished and I was barely washing or eating.

Video: talking about suicidal feelings

Watch Graham, Miriam, Alicia and Lee talk about what it feels like to want to take your own life. And ways they've learned to cope.

Video: men and suicide 

Watch Lee, Rohan and Graham talk about their experiences of masculinity and feeling suicidal.

What causes suicidal thoughts?

Suicidal thoughts can be triggered by a specific event. Or you may not know what's caused you to feel this way. It might be a mixture of things.

If you're feeling suicidal it's likely that you've felt increasingly hopeless and worthless for some time. It could be a build-up of experiences. And you might find it overwhelming to think about.

These are examples of things that commonly cause suicidal thoughts. But there are many more. If an experience you've had isn't listed here, it doesn't mean it shouldn't be impacting you.

Some common causes of suicidal thoughts are:

• Mental health problems
• Physical health problems, including chronic pain
• Problems with work, including work stress, redundancy or not being able to find a job
• Problems in relationships, including break-ups and issues with family or friends
• Experiences of prison or the criminal justice system
• Abuse
• Experiences of discrimination, stigma or hate
• Housing problems, including homelessness
• Drug and alcohol addiction
• Trauma, including trauma from experiences in childhood
• Loneliness
• Social pressure, such as people making you feel like you need to do certain things or act in a certain way
• Shame, such as feeling like you haven't achieved what was expected of you
• Bereavement, including losing a loved one to suicide
• Money problems
• Not being able to get mental health support or other support you might need

If you're not sure why you feel suicidal, you may find it even harder to believe that there could be a solution. But whatever the reason, there is support available to help you with these feelings.

Can medication cause suicidal thoughts?

Certain medications can cause some people to experience suicidal thoughts. Or they can make suicidal thoughts worse. These medications include:

• Antidepressants. Research shows that some people experience suicidal thoughts when taking antidepressants, particularly selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs). This is more common in people under the age of 25.
• Benzodiazepines. A type of sedative medication that can cause suicidal feelings for some people.
• Some antipsychotics.
• Some medications for other conditions and physical health problems. 

You can check the patient information leaflet that comes with your medication to see if there are any side effects that can impact mood.

If you experience suicidal thoughts while taking medication, you should talk to your GP as soon as possible. You can also talk to a pharmacist or NHS 111. You can report side effects to the Yellow Card scheme.

It’s not that I want to die – I just want the pain to stop. But it swallows me so quickly.

How long will I feel suicidal?

How long suicidal thoughts last is different for everyone.

Some of us may have these thoughts for a short time. And some of us may experience them for a long time. It's common to feel as if you'll never be happy or hopeful again.

They might go away and come back over our lives. And they might be triggered by different things or have a different intensity at different times.  

But treatment and support can help you overcome or manage suicidal thoughts.

There are also things you can do. Our tips for coping with suicidal thoughts page has some ideas you could try. These include getting support for how you're feeling, as well as support for practical things that might be contributing to your feelings. For example, housing or money problems.

Telling other people you feel suicidal

The earlier you let someone know how you're feeling, the quicker you'll be able to get support.

But it can feel hard to open up to people.

You may want others to understand what you're going through. But you might feel:

• Unable to tell someone
• Unsure of who to tell
• Concerned that they won't understand
• Fearful of being judged
• Worried you'll upset them

If you feel like this, you could show our pages on how to support someone who feels suicidal to someone you trust. This can be a good way of starting the conversation. It could also give them suggestions of how they can help you.

You can also write down your feelings on paper, in a text, or in an email if saying them out loud is too difficult.

Our page on talking to friends and family has some more tips.

If you don't feel you can reach out to anyone in your life, there are services that are there for you. We list some on our useful contacts – suicidal thoughts page.

It's important to remember that you deserve support. You're not alone and there is support out there.

I opened up communication with my little brother who has always been my best friend. Things didn’t feel as scary anymore.