How to help someone who's dissociating

If someone you care about dissociates or has a dissociative disorder, it can be hard to know how best to support them.

You might find their experiences difficult to understand. But there are lots of things you can do to help.

Looking after yourself is important too. Read on for suggestions of some things you can try.

Try to be patient and understanding

If somebody you care about experiences dissociation, they may not always respond to you as you'd expect. So:

Ask them what would help – but be aware that they may not always be able to tell you
Try to be accepting – listening patiently and with acceptance can make a big difference if they want to tell you about their experience
Suggest other ways they can make sense of their experiences – it can be really hard to describe dissociation so art, music or journalling may be useful
Learn more about dissociation for yourself – see our useful contacts for dissociation and dissociative disorders page for help
Check with them what types of intimacy feel ok – touching and intimacy can be difficult for some people who dissociate. Try not to take it personally and talk about this together

If they experience shifts between different identities, it can help to:

Think about how you'll communicate with different identity states - they may each respond best to different things so being flexible can help
Find a way of relating to each identity state – this can really help, even if some are harder to relate to than others
Try to stay calm - it will help if you can be a safe and soothing presence. Even if they're upset, angry or scared

To help them get the right professional support, you could:

There may be times when you can't offer them the support they need. Think about who's the best person to contact at these times.

For more information have a look at our page on helping someone else seek help.

You could think about practical ways you can help them feel prepared for dissociative episodes. This can help them feel safe. For example:

Help them avoid certain triggers. They may have triggers that bring on dissociation and flashbacks. Understanding how to spot these means you can help them avoid certain things. You may also feel more prepared for dissociative symptoms when they do happen.
Support them with grounding activities or visualisation. You could offer to try different things and figure out what works best for them. See our coping with dissociation page for ideas on grounding and visualisation.
Carry things with you that help them ground themselves. For example, a small bottle of perfume, an essential oil, something smooth to touch, a photo or anything personal that helps.
Ask what extra support they need, listen and adapt. There might be times where they need extra help to stay safe. Talk to them about what situations they might need extra support with, and what you can do to help.

If someone is hurting themselves or struggling with suicidal thoughts, it can be very scary. For support and information see our pages on supporting someone who feels suicidal and supporting someone who's self-harming.

It's important to look after yourself too. For example, you could:

Find a therapist for yourself – see our resource on talking therapy and counselling for information on how to find your own counselling or psychotherapy
Try some of the coping strategies from our guides on coping while caring for someone else and how to improve your mental wellbeing
Connect with people who have similar experiences – for example through Mind's online community, Side by Side, or other forms of peer support