How meds and the crisis team helped me recover from psychosis

In June 2023 my partner Rhys started to notice odd behaviour from me – going to his parents without him, trying to buy an £80,000 range rover that I couldn’t afford, talking strangely, doing things his parents had told me not do like lighting their fireplace. So, he rang my mum and explained that he thought there was something going on with me.

My mum had noticed the same. And to be fair, so had I – I’d told her I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown, but we just laughed it off. At one point I said I’d do dinner for myself and my 5 family members but only provided a tiny quiche. I had broken down in tears to Rhys stating I wasn’t sure what was going on, but I felt something was happening to me. I became unkempt, not doing my makeup, and not showering.

“I became paranoid, thinking that everyone was looking at me. Mum noticed this, and thought that I may be having an stress-induced psychotic episode.”

A few days later, my mum and I were due to go to Venice to meet my auntie and cousin. Mum and Rhys decided that I needed a break to unwind as I was undergoing a tough degree course in mental health nursing. When we got to the airport we had parking booked, but after driving around for ages trying to find it, I decided to park in short stay (even though we were going for 4 nights), which racked up a bill of £416 I became paranoid, thinking that everyone was looking at me. Mum noticed this, and thought that I may be having an stress-induced psychotic episode, but it was too late to go home at that point.

Mum had warned my auntie and cousin that I was not well before our flight so when I saw them, they embraced me with open arms. Looking back, I see how caring my family were. I was sick multiple times in Venice, not eating properly and losing weight rapidly. It was scary as I had never struggled with food before. I was so fatigued that every restaurant or cafe we stopped in I would fall asleep on the table.

All I wanted in Venice was Rhys, so every morning I tried to find a flight home and leave the apartment. My family had to hide the key and my passport to stop me. One night there was a huge storm. I tucked myself up under the duvet, thinking I was controlling it. Mum came in to check on me as she thought I may be scared, but I told her everything was fine because I was controlling the storm.

Mum tried to calm me and help me sleep as I wasn’t sleeping well.

My family hoped that when I got back home I’d recover. But I couldn’t even remember how to toast a bagel or do my makeup. When Rhys went to work he took me to Mum’s because he was scared that I would leave the house.

Mum asked her friend, a nurse, to come over and offer some advice. Even though my mum is also a nurse, she had never had a child go through this before. Mum’s friend told her to get the mental health crisis team involved immediately and they came over the next day to see me.

The crisis team were amazing and got me assessed immediately and put on an antipsychotic. They came to see me every day for a week until they referred me to GRIP, which stands for Gloucestershire Recovery in Psychosis. It was a struggle initially and I also went through a period of very low mood. I felt a worthless burden and that everyone was better off without me. I was also so worried about how all of this might affect my course and that I may not be able to do it anymore. But that was not the case.

When the medication kicked in I started to feel better. My psychotic symptoms began to disappear.

Just one month after my episode I had to sit a series of exams. Well, I smashed them all. Since then, I have successfully completed two placements and my second year of university. With the support of my psychiatrist, I have also stopped my medication and am now receiving Cognitive Behavioural Therapy which is really helping.

When things were at their bleakest, I thought it would be impossible to make such a complete recovery, but I have. So, my message for anyone out there who is having a bad psychotic episode or is struggling with their mental health in any way is that there is hope. The dark does become light again.