How I stopped self-harming thanks to STOP

In 2020, if someone had told me that by 2024, I would be sober from self-harm, I would have laughed. Back then, my life was a chaotic dance of crisis: relying on services, on medication and attending crisis cafes, the crisis team, and A&E. Yet, here I am now, free from all of those, living a life that 2020 Catherine could only have dreamed about!

Growing up, I didn't understand what mental health really meant. I thought the panic attacks I experienced were a sign of childishness and weakness. However, everything changed when I turned 18 and was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), and borderline personality disorder (BPD). It was a lot to take in, but it finally put a name to the turmoil I had been experiencing for years.

“I was told that I would likely be under their care for the rest of my life because of my self-harm tendencies and BPD.”

My journey towards healing began with counselling at my local college. From there, I was put under the care of the mental health team. They told me that I would likely be under their care for the rest of my life because of my self-harm tendencies and BPD. At first, it felt like a life sentence, but slowly, with every therapy session, I started to see a glimmer of hope.

One of the techniques that played a significant role in my recovery was S.T.O.P:

“Take a step back: I took this literally at times, physically stepping back from situations that triggered me.”

Stop: When I felt overwhelmed, I learned to pause. This was a critical moment because it gave me a chance to step back from the intensity of my emotions.

Take a step back: I took this literally at times, physically stepping back from situations that triggered me. It created a physical space that allowed me to gather my thoughts.

Observe: Instead of being consumed by my emotions, I learned to observe them. This detachment helped me see my emotions as passing clouds rather than overwhelming storms.

Proceed accordingly: Armed with a clearer perspective, I could then decide how to proceed. Sometimes it meant seeking support, sometimes it meant finding a distraction, but it always meant making a conscious choice rather than succumbing to my impulses.

Through consistent practice of techniques like S.T.O.P and understanding the concept of the "escalator" in therapy, I slowly gained control over my impulses. The "escalator" metaphor helped me understand how small triggers could quickly escalate into overwhelming emotions, but also how I could step off the escalator at any point by using coping mechanisms.

“I learnt to analyse my relapses, understand my triggers, and build a toolbox of coping mechanisms tailored to my needs.”

Four years on, I am proud to say that I have been sober from self-harm. It hasn't been easy, and there have been setbacks along the way, but each setback became a lesson. I learnt to analyse my relapses, understand my triggers, and build a toolbox of coping mechanisms tailored to my needs.

If I could offer one piece of advice to others struggling with their mental health, it would be this: Learn as much as possible from everything – the relapses, the ups, and the downs. See each experience as an opportunity for growth. Identify your triggers and build yourself a recovery toolbox filled with techniques that work for you.

Recovery is not a linear journey. It's messy, it's challenging, but it's also incredibly rewarding. Today, I am proof that with determination, support, and the right tools, it is possible to reclaim your life from the grip of mental illness. So, to anyone out there who feels like giving up, know that it does get better. You are stronger than you think, and there is hope even in the darkest of moments.