Tips and support for coping with trauma – for 11-18 year olds

How to cope with trauma

If you're experiencing trauma, there are some things you can try to look after yourself. Different things work for different people at different times.

If you've tried something and it hasn't worked, try to be gentle and patient with yourself. Recovery is a process with ups and downs.

Remember, it's always OK to look for support for trauma. 

Recovery from trauma isn't the same for everyone because there's not 1 way to heal – Kristina

Coping with trauma now

Trauma can cause difficult feelings. It can make us feel unsafe even when we're safe. If you're struggling with this right now, these tips and ideas could help you cope in the moment.

It's also always OK to seek support. You don't need to try these tips first before asking for help. For ideas, see our tips on getting support for trauma. 

Picture somewhere that's safe for you

This could be somewhere real, or somewhere you create in your thoughts. You could draw, paint or write about your safe place to help bring it to life. Imagine what it feels like to be there. You could think about the layout, what it sounds like or what it smells like.

Try and imagine your safe place when you're relaxed. This can make it easier to get to it when you're overwhelmed.

Connect with your senses

Some of us find it calming to pay attention to where we are physically:

• Try to notice what you can see, hear, touch or smell around you. Go through 1 sense at a time.
• Use objects to help you. For example, if you're feeling anxious, you could touch or cuddle something soft. Or, if you're feeling spaced out, you could hold an ice cube or splash cold water on your face.

Distract yourself

Distracting yourself from painful memories and feelings can help in the short term. For example, you could:

• Try to remember the lyrics of a song you like
• Count your footsteps while walking
• Focus on the sun, wind or rain outside
• Listen to music
• Watch your favourite TV show

Try a breathing exercise

Focusing on your breathing could help you to feel calmer. A breathing exercise only takes a few minutes, and you can try it anywhere.

The Childline website has lots of activities to try to help you relax, like breathing exercises, in the Childline Calm Zone.

Recovery isn't a straight line… it's OK to have good days and bad days… this doesn't mean you're back to square 1 – Yanisha, 18

Coping with trauma in the longer term

Over time, there are different ideas you can try to help you cope with trauma.

It's OK if you don't feel ready for some or any of these ideas. But if you do feel able, they might help you to start taking small steps forward.

Plan ahead for triggers

There might be things that remind you of traumatic experiences. Like places, smells, sounds or words. It can help to be as prepared as you can for these.

Try to plan what you'll do in advance and have things ready to help you cope. Like making a playlist or sensory box to use after a triggering situation.

Make a sensory box

You can create a box full of things that you find nice or comforting to see, touch, hear or smell. This can help you focus on the present. You could use the box when you feel triggered. Your box could include things like:

• Playdough
• A soft blanket
• A fidget toy
• Pictures you find comforting

Make a safety plan

Having a safety plan means you have quick ways to remember your warning signs that you're struggling with trauma. It can include ideas of what to do if you notice these signs.

You can also create a safety plan with a trusted adult or share your own plan with them. This can help them to support you in a way that works for your needs.

Look after your physical health

This can be really hard to do if you're struggling with trauma. But doing small things, like getting out of bed or washing your face, could help you feel better over time.

Sleep can also affect your physical wellbeing. For ideas that could help, go to our page of tips to improve your sleep. You can try things like keeping something nearby to comfort or distract you after a nightmare.

If you feel able, trying to do some physical activity may help you feel better too.

Think about your routine

A routine means doing things regularly at the same time, like eating, sleeping and moving your body. Doing these things at the same time daily or weekly could help you feel better. You could also add some relaxing activities into your routine. Like listening to comforting music or reading.

Think about activities you enjoy and build them into your routine. This might give you some space to recognise the positive things about yourself and your life. And the parts of you that exist beyond what you've been through.

Express your memories and feelings

When traumatic memories and feelings come up, it can help to distract ourselves in the short term. But in the longer-term, trying to find ways to express your memories and how they make you feel may help. This could help you get them out of your head.

You could:

• Write memories down
• Talk to someone about them
• Dance
• Paint
• Make music
• Knit

Before you try this, it might help to have a safety plan in place. This could include a list of people you can speak to if you feel overwhelmed. 

Getting support for trauma

If you're struggling with difficult feelings, it's always OK to ask for help. Even if you're not sure whether you're experiencing trauma.

Here are some ideas of where you could look for support for trauma. You might find that some options don't work for you, or that you're not ready to use them right now. Take your time to think through what might be best for you.

Someone you trust

Asking for help can feel really scary. You might feel nervous about telling someone about a traumatic experience. Especially if you've heard stigmatising views about trauma. You may worry that they won't understand or might judge.

But opening up is often the first step to getting the help and support you need.

You could talk to a friend, family member, partner, teacher or anyone else you feel comfortable with. They could:

• Listen to you
• Help you feel less alone
• Support you to make a safety plan for difficult times
• Help with practical things, like booking appointments
• Help you find support

It might help to show someone this information if you think they won't understand. It might also help to read our information about opening up to people you know. It includes more ideas and conversation starters you can try.

If you'd prefer to speak to someone you don't know, you could:

• Have a confidential chat with a counsellor by contacting Childline or The Mix
• Look for a helpful organisation or service on our useful contacts page

Talking about my traumatic experiences with trusted others was validating, because it reminded me that my reactions were reasonable – CJ, 18

Your doctor

Your doctor, or GP, can help with both your physical and mental health. It's always OK to ask them for support.

They might ask you about how traumatic experiences are affecting you. And how long you've been experiencing these effects. This will help them think about what support they could offer you.

To support with trauma, they might offer you:

• More information about trauma.
• A follow-up appointment to see how you're feeling over time. This appointment should happen within 1 month of your first appointment.
• Details of local organisations that can help.
• A referral to talking therapies, where you can talk to someone about your feelings and experiences.
• A referral to a specialist mental health service, like Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS). Find out more about CAMHS.

Talking to your doctor about trauma can be scary. It might help to:

• Bring someone you trust with you to support you. They could help you explain your experiences and ask questions about your options.
• Write down what you want to say before the appointment. Look at the effects of traumatic experiences and write down any that you recognise.

You can see a doctor or nurse at any age on your own. But they might try and encourage you to speak to your parent or carer about what's going on.

For more information, see our page on visiting your doctor.

Your school, college or work

At school, college or work, you can get support from:

• Teachers
• School nurses
• Mental Health Support Teams (MHST)
• Student support teams
• Managers

They might be able to offer you support, like counselling. Some workplaces also offer something called an Employee Assistance Programme (EAP), which could include mental health support. We have more information about how to get mental health support at work.

If you've been diagnosed with a mental health problem that counts as a disability, they should also make ‘reasonable adjustments’ for you. Find out more in our information on understanding your rights.

Peer support

Peer support involves talking to other young people who've had similar experiences to us.

This can help us feel less alone and more understood. But for some of us it might not be helpful. Hearing about other people's trauma might trigger us. Or we might compare our trauma to others and feel bad about ourselves.

If peer support doesn't feel right for you, that's OK. But if you think it might help to try it, you could:

• Look for your nearest local Mind service for young people, by using our online map
• Use the filters to find organisations offering peer support on Hub of Hope
• Talk to other young people on message boards like The Mix or Childline

Charities and support organisations

Some charities and other organisations offer support if you've gone through traumatic experiences. For example:

• Hope Again has information and resources for young people living with grief.
• Refuge supports women, children and young people who have experienced domestic abuse. Their helpline is available 24/7 on 0808 2000 247.
• Safeline has information and support for young people and adults who have experienced, or are at risk of, sexual abuse and rape.
• Victim Support offers emotional and practical support for people affected by crime and traumatic events. Their helpline is available 24/7 on 0808 1689 111.

For more examples, go to our useful contacts for grief, trauma and abuse.

Getting treatment for trauma

There are different treatment options available for trauma depending on what you're experiencing. Different things work for different people.

If you've tried something and it hasn't worked, try and be kind to yourself. It's always OK to go back to your doctor if you're not sure something is helping you.

Trauma-focused cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT)

This is a type of talking therapy with a trained therapist. Your doctor might offer this if you have a diagnosis of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). It can help you look at your thinking patterns and behaviours, to help you find new ways of coping.

It usually involves:

• Talking about what you've been through
• Finding ways to feel in more control of your fear and distress

It usually lasts between 6 to 12 sessions, once a week.

Eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing (EMDR)

This is usually only offered if you have a PTSD diagnosis and trauma-focused CBT hasn't worked for you.

It involves remembering your traumatic experiences while moving your eyes. Your therapist usually guides your eye movements with their finger.

It's not very clear how EMDR works. But it seems to reduce some symptoms of PTSD, like being easily panicked.

Talking therapies

If you're not offered trauma-focused CBT, other types of more general talking therapy could still help with difficult feelings.

For example, counselling involves talking through problems in a safe and non-judgemental space. You could ask your doctor if they can refer you for talking therapies.

Talking therapy gave me a safe space to process things without judgement, which proved to be very valuable and beneficial to my mental health.

Arts and creative therapies

This is where you use creative activities to express your thoughts and feelings, like:

• Music
• Drawing
• Painting
• Dancing
• Drama
• Playing games

You can ask your doctor if this is available in your area. You might also find arts and creative therapies offered at some local Minds.

Medication

Health professionals don't usually prescribe medication for PTSD or complex PTSD if you're under 18. This is because there isn't enough evidence to suggest that medication helps prevent or treat PTSD in young people.

But in some cases, they might offer medication if you've been diagnosed with another mental health problem related to trauma. For example, they might offer medication alongside talking therapy for a diagnosis of depression.

Find out more about mental health medication on the Young Minds website. 

Trauma-informed care

You might hear the term ‘trauma-informed’ to describe the care that some services aim to provide. It means that a service tries to understand how traumatic experiences can affect us.

Trauma-informed services try to avoid doing things that would make the effects worse. For example, they aim to:

• Help us feel safe
• Help us trust them by being open and honest with us
• Listen to what we want and explain our choices clearly
• Ask us how they could make their service better
• Support us to make our own decisions and actions
• Think about our specific needs, like cultural or religious needs

If a service says they're trauma-informed, it's OK to ask for more details. Like examples of how they collect and use young people's feedback about their service.

What if I struggle to get the support I need for trauma?

Getting support for trauma isn't always easy. We might struggle to get any help, or to get help that works for us. This can feel very distressing.

Problems with getting support can also be re-traumatising. This means they remind us of our traumatic experiences and affect us in a similar way.

This doesn't mean that everyone is treated badly. We may have a positive experience and get the help we need. But some of us may:

• Have long waiting times for support
• Struggle to get a diagnosis of PTSD or complex PTSD, even if we think we need this
• Feel that the support we're offered isn't right for us, or doesn't feel safe
• Find that our support ends too soon
• Feel uncomfortable with phone or face-to-face appointments
• Find that our cultural, religious or specific needs aren't met
• Feel like our voice isn't heard
• Experience discrimination
• Hear unhelpful views from health professionals
• Have a difficult transition from child to adult mental health services (AMHS)

If you're struggling with getting treatment and support for trauma, you can try some of these ideas:

• If you're not happy with how a health service is treating you, tell them about your concerns. For example, you could ask your doctor questions about the support they're offering. It's also OK to say ‘no’ to anything you disagree with.
• Ask for a different type of appointment. For example, if you don't like talking on the phone, you could ask for a face-to-face appointment instead.
• Ask to see a different doctor. You can also ask to speak to someone of a particular gender. For example, if you've been abused, you may feel unsafe seeing anyone who is the same gender as your abuser. There might not always be someone else available, but it's always OK to ask.
• Talk to someone you trust. This could be a trusted adult like a parent, carer or teacher. They might be able to help you work out what you want to do next. They could also go to appointments with you to help you talk about your needs.
• Find an advocate. They can help you understand your rights and tell people what you need. For example, they could help you write emails or letters, or go to meetings with you. To find out more, see our information on advocacy.
• Make a complaint. If you feel you've been treated unfairly in healthcare, you have a right to make a complaint. To find out more, see our information on complaints.
• Understand your rights. Knowing your rights can help you realise when you're being treated unfairly and tell someone about it. For example, you have rights about whether your doctor can share what you've told them. To find out more, see our information on rights.
• Focus on your wellbeing. Trying to get help can be very tiring. It's OK to take a break and focus on other ways to look after your wellbeing. Like making a sensory box or building a routine. These activities might also help you cope if you're on a waiting list for support.

If you're reading this and some of it sounds like you, I'd want you to know that what happened to you matters, even if other people don't see it. You're not weak for struggling, and it's OK to ask for help, even if you're not sure exactly what you need yet – Yanisha, 18