Tips for building confidence and self-esteem – for 11-18 year olds

How to build your confidence and self-esteem

Building your confidence and self-esteem might need some time and patience. But there are lots of things you can do to improve the way you feel about yourself and your abilities.

Making changes can feel like a big step. Start by trying 1 or 2 new things until you find what works for you. Small changes can make a big difference.

This page has tips and ideas that could help you feel more confident and improve your self-esteem.

Be kind to yourself

Being kind to ourselves can feel hard, especially when we're struggling with low confidence or self-esteem.

Here are some tips and ideas you can try:

• Recognise and challenge unkind thoughts. Try to talk to yourself as you would talk to a good friend. You could ask yourself ‘How would I comfort someone else if they felt like I do?’ or ‘What advice would I give someone if they were feeling like I am?’
• Celebrate yourself. Try writing down things you like about yourself, things other people like about you, or your strengths and achievements. Doing this regularly can help us feel more confident – we all deserve to celebrate ourselves.
• Repeat positive thoughts and ideas. It might help to repeat positive statements to yourself. You could say ‘I am enough’, ‘I'm worth it’ or ‘I deserve to be kind to myself’. Or you might prefer to write them on a piece of paper and stick them somewhere you see often, like inside your diary or bedroom door.

We spoke to young people who shared their advice and ideas on what it means to be kind to yourself:

Think about your relationships

It might help improve our confidence and self-esteem by thinking about how certain relationships are making us feel. Try asking yourself ‘Who makes me feel good about myself and boosts my self-esteem?’ or ‘Does anyone around me make me feel bad about myself?’

If you can, try to spend more time with people who make you feel good about yourself, and less time with people who make you feel bad about yourself.

Something that really helped was finding my ‘tribe’ and people who are interested in the same things that I am, and look like me, talk like me – Sola, 18

Practise self-compassion

Compassion means showing warmth, understanding, care and love towards someone. Self-compassion is about offering these qualities to yourself.

Practising self-compassion can help us to be less critical of ourselves. You could try to:

• Use physical touch to soothe yourself. See how it feels to give yourself a hug when you feel upset. Or you could try something else that helps your body feel comforted, like wrapping a blanket around yourself.
• Take self-compassion breaks. Some of us find it helpful to take daily breaks to recognise how we're feeling and offer ourselves kind words. You could say ‘I'm trying my best’ or ‘I'm enough’. Or you could use the break to try journalling, drawing, meditation or to pray.
• Write a self-compassionate letter. Write down why you're feeling bad about yourself or any challenges you're experiencing. Next, imagine someone close to you wrote these things about themselves and respond by writing a letter that offers words of comfort and support.

Keep connected

Connecting with other people can make us feel more confident. You could try to:

• Get in touch with someone you identify with and trust
• Do something fun with family, friends or partners
• Be kind to others
• Volunteer
• Join a new club or class

Try something new

Trying new things can give us a sense of achievement, which can help us to believe in ourselves more.

You could try to:

• Learn how to play an instrument
• Learn some phrases in a different language
• Play a new video game or board game
• Do a creative activity, like drawing, painting, writing, music or making videos
• Do a physical activity, like a sport, dancing or type of yoga
• Grow or collect some plants or flowers

I have always relied on my hobbies and interests to keep me feeling good, even on bad days, and learning to understand my feelings has helped me learn to spend more time on things that make me happy!

Reflect on how you feel about your body

Many of us struggle with how we think and feel about our body and the way we look, also known as body image. But we all deserve to feel positive, confident and comfortable.

If you're struggling with body image, here are some things you can try:

• Start to recognise how social media affects the way you feel about your body
• Unfollow accounts that make you feel bad about your body or the way you look
• Follow accounts that make you feel good about yourself
• Talk about your body with compassion and acceptance
• Try not compare yourself to others – remember that social media often doesn't show how people look in real life
• Find things about your body that you're grateful for
• Open up about how you're feeling with people you trust
• Visit the YoungMinds website for more information about body image.

Don't be afraid to unfollow accounts which make you feel bad about yourself, promote unhealthy ideas about food or don't create real images.

Practise being assertive

Being assertive is about speaking up for ourselves in a way that's honest and respectful. It also means letting people know what we want, but in a positive way.

While we all have different ways of communicating, everyone's ideas, thoughts and feelings matter. And when we accept that ours matter too, it's easier to be assertive.

To practise being assertive, you might need to practise:

• Giving your opinion
• Saying how you feel
• Asking for what you want or need
• Disagreeing with others in a respectful way
• Offering ideas and suggestions
• Saying ‘no’ without feeling guilty
• Speaking up for someone else

Asserting yourself can feel hard at first, and it takes time to feel comfortable doing this. Try to be compassionate with yourself throughout and don't put pressure on yourself to try everything at once.

Think about what you expect from yourself, not what others expect from you.

Here are some things you could try:

• Pay attention to what you feel, need and want. Being aware of these can help you communicate them to others.
• Practise giving your opinion. For example, if someone asks whether you want to go to the park or cinema, instead of saying ‘I don't know’ or ‘I don't mind’, say ‘I would prefer to go to the cinema.’
• Practise asking for things. For example, ask for help if you're struggling with your schoolwork or ask someone to stop doing something that bothers you.
• Find a role model who is good at being assertive. Think about what behaviours or phrases they use. If you feel comfortable, maybe practise these in the mirror.
• Be respectful to others. For example, try allowing others to speak and finish what they're saying before sharing your opinion. It's also about being kind and remembering that people have different communication styles.

Think about setting goals

Building confidence and self-esteem can feel like a journey. You might learn new things about yourself and discover what works best for you.

It might help to set goals for what you want to do. You don't have to plan or reach all your goals at once, but small steps can lead to big changes.

Here are some helpful tips for setting goals:

• Break big goals down into smaller tasks that feel easier to handle
• Focus on no more than 1 or 2 goals at a time
• Try to be specific about what you want to do
• Think about how you'll celebrate if you achieve a goal
• Think about how you'll show yourself compassion if things don't go as planned

I have an achievements jar where I write at least 1 thing I achieved that day (and date it) and put it in the jar.

Look after yourself

Looking after our physical and mental wellbeing can help to build our confidence and self-esteem. And feeling confident or having high self-esteem can be good for our wellbeing.