Understanding self-harm – for 11-18 year olds

Self-harm can take many different forms, like:

• Cutting, biting, hitting or burning ourselves
• Hitting things, like punching a wall
• Poisoning ourselves, like taking overdoses
• Doing things that are bad for our health, like drinking too much alcohol or having unsafe sex
• Not taking care of ourselves, like not eating or washing
• Digital self-harm

We might hurt ourselves in other ways too. Or we may hurt ourselves and not think of it as self-harm.

Knowing more about what self-harm can look like can help us know when we need help and support.

Self-harm can come in different forms. I didn't know I was self-harming during the biggest part of it.

We might hurt ourselves in non-physical ways. Like hurting our feelings or thinking badly about ourselves. Non-physical self-harm might not be recognised or understood in the same way as physical self-harm behaviours.

Non-physical self-harm might include things like being self-critical, insulting ourselves or digital self-harm.

Digital self-harm

Digital self-harm is where we use social media and the internet to hurt ourselves. This can include: 

• Sending hateful or abusive messages to ourselves, or about ourselves, online 
• Looking for or spending a lot of time in conflicts online 
• Searching for information that is harmful or discriminates against us or people like us
• Engaging with or creating online content that promotes self-harm

Lots of people might think that only girls self-harm. Doctors or services for self-harm might see girls more often, but that doesn't mean they're the only ones who need support.

Anyone can self-harm, no matter what their gender is. And myths like this might make it harder for us to seek help. Especially if we don’t feel like we can get help, or we think people will judge or misunderstand us. 

Anyone can self-harm at any age.

But it may be harder to know what self-harm means when we're younger. We might not think of what we're doing as self-harming. Or not have the words to ask for help.

Some of us might hide that we self-harm, and some of us might not. Our self-harm might not be visible. Or we might not even know we’re self-harming.
 
But self-harm can bring attention to the fact that we need support or reassurance. 

Someone might call self-harm attention-seeking because they don't understand. Or they may focus on what we're doing, rather than the reasons behind it.

The myth that self-harm is attention-seeking can make shame and stigma worse. This can make it harder for us to ask for the help we need. But there are lots of different support options for self-harm that might help. 

Sometimes we might try different ways to keep ourselves safe and to prevent self-harm. These are also not attention-seeking. 

Remember: you deserve help and support.

Some people might think that we self-harm because we're copying people we know who self-harm. But there are lots of reasons why we might self-harm. And just being close to someone who's self-harmed doesn't mean we'll self-harm too.

But we might:

• Start to see self-harm as a ‘normal’ response or way to deal with difficult feelings or experiences.
• Learn ways to harm ourselves from someone else.
• Find friends that also self-harm or struggle with their mental health. This might be because of a shared understanding. Or because we worry about others judging us. 

For whatever reasons we self-harm, finding the right support is really important. We also have tips to support another young person who self-harms. 

Some of us self-harm once and then never do it again. Or we may hurt ourselves over a long period of time. No matter how long we self-harm for, it isn’t just a phase. And it's important not to ignore it.

Being told it's ‘just a phase’ or to ‘stop it’ won't help stop self-harm. It might make some of us feel worse. This could lead to us hurting ourselves more.

We all need to feel understood. And with the right support we can learn new ways to cope with our feelings.

If we self-harm, it doesn't always mean we're thinking about ending our life. 

Sometimes we use self-harm to cope with difficult feelings and experiences. It might feel like only thing that can help us at the time. But there are other things that can help, which you can find in our tips for coping with self-harm. 

Some of us who self-harm might also experience suicidal feelings. But it doesn't always mean we want to die.

If you have seriously hurt yourself or feel like you might attempt suicide, this is an emergency. Call 999 straight away to make sure you get help.

Social media and online forums do not always cause self-harm. They can provide helpful sources of support to manage self-harm, like:

• Sharing distraction and coping methods
• Sharing things that have gone well
• Talking to other young people who understand
• Getting support from other organisations

It's important to find safe and trusted information about self-harm. You can use websites like Mind, Alumina or Childline.

But social media can also bring up difficult feelings. Some people might:

• Share images of self-harm 
• Post detailed descriptions of self-harm
• Encourage others to self-harm through comparing or ‘competitions’
• Bully others online

We might also engage in digital self-harm.

If you come across triggering content like this, you can block and hide things from your feed.  

You can report anyone you're worried about, or who seems to be trying to make others feel worse. You can find self-harm reporting guidelines that might help on the Internet Matters website.

Don't fall down a rabbit hole of searching for self-harm on social media, it does more harm than good.

We might not even know we're self-harming. Or we might self-harm in ways that others can't see, or that doesn't leave scars or injuries. Or we might hide self-harm.

We might hide it because we feel ashamed or worried about how others will react. Or because we don't want to feel like a burden.

We might also not recognise our self-harm. It can look like other things, like behaviours we might show when we're angry. So it may take longer for someone else to notice, or for us to get help.

Self-harm can look different for all of us. Sometimes we might compare ourselves to others and feel like our situation isn't serious enough to ask for support.

We don't need to feel ashamed of self-harm. Talking about things can help.

Self-harm might relate to different types of mental health problems. But if we self-harm, it doesn't always mean we have a mental health problem like depression.

Whether you have a mental health problem or not, you can still get support for self-harm.

Remember: mental health is about how we think, feel and act. Looking after our mental health is important, whether we have a mental health problem or not.

With the right help and support, we can reduce self-harm and then stop self-harming.

But it might not always be easy. Recovering from self-harm is a process which can look different for all of us.

For some of us, recovery might be about managing the urge to self-harm or finding new ways to cope. For others, it might be about finding safe places to talk about how we're feeling. Recovery is not always about reducing or stopping self-harm completely.

Sometimes we might come across challenges in the process, and that's okay. This is about learning what does and doesn't help us.