Why I walked 6,600 miles for Mind
James, from North Wales, explains how his mammoth mission of walking the coast of Great Britain led him to making friends, saving a life, and finding love.
This blog contains references to suicide.
Hello, I’m James Lloyd and I walked 6,600 miles around the entire coast of Great Britain in aid of Mind, who helped me recover to mental wellness.
I wrote my first blog for Mind after beginning my journey over 2 years ago! I began on 03 October 2022, setting off from my North Wales home and walking anticlockwise around the mainland.
"I lost all perspective on who I was."
Before I set out, I had recovered from a period of mental illness. For a long time, I had been in denial about my depression and anxiety. The isolation of the Covid-19 lockdowns was perfect for entrenching a harmful internal narrative of being worthless, a narrative built upon a lack of confidence in who I was.
My ex leaving me inflamed my sense of unworthiness, and I burned out trying to become someone I thought was worthy of love. The last-minute Christmas lockdown isolated me in my despair and I descended into suicidal thoughts on Christmas eve. They were a dark and commanding voice telling me I was worthless, unlovable, and that I should end my life. It drowned out any rational voice.
I was so grateful to be alive on Christmas day. My parents had sent me a letterbox Christmas tree and my brother told me I was going to be an uncle. A little felt gingerbread man I received that day, and I pinned it to my hat as I walked around the coast as a reminder of the gratitude I felt that day.
My depressive thoughts negatively warped my self-perception and I lost all perspective on who I was. Having the courage to speak about it with people I trust, first to my brother and then to friends, helped me regain some perspective and realise I was loved, something I had been blinded to. Suicidal thoughts terrified me into accepting I was mentally unwell and needed to change my life.
Prioritising self-care
Self-care was a novelty to me, but it became my priority. Improving my diet, exercise and sleep were a huge factor in my recovery, but making time for doing things I loved that were forms of self-expression was just as important. Writing, drawing and hiking weren’t luxuries, but needs for me.
Part of that self-care was seeking help. Speaking to loved ones, then counselling, helped me identify how high expectations and perfectionism set me up to fail. Mind’s website also really helped me change how I viewed myself. I was convinced there was something fundamentally wrong with me, but the website was a fantastic resource for learning about mental health and dispelling false narratives.
Hearing other people speak about their own struggles openly in a community sphere made me realise I wasn’t alone with my illness, and that it was nothing to be ashamed of. Removing that shame and stigma was crucial to my recovery, as it enabled me to accept my situation.
If someone found a cancerous lump on their skin and sought help, they would have a much better chance of surviving. It’s no different with mental health, and common illnesses like depression and anxiety should be treated as a canary in the coal mine too.
Prioritising self-care and awareness was developing a relationship with myself that I had neglected, and it subconsciously communicated to me that I was worthy. Mental health becomes mental illness in an environment of self-neglect.
Deciding to walk for Mind
Pursuing my passion for being outdoors, of writing and drawing, encouraged me to commit to an old dream that would give me the space to do them full-time; to walk the coast of Great Britain.
The idea originally came after walking the Anglesey Coast Path, and zooming out on Google Maps while looking for future hikes, I saw the island of Great Britain. Bizarrely it seemed like the obvious next step. It was around the time my breakup inflamed my mental illness, so the idea felt like a flight fantasy from my problems.
But the seed was planted, and a year later, it had grown in my mind. My regimen of self-care had transformed my mental health, but I had broken my leg! In physio, the doctor told me I would likely get arthritis with age, so it felt like it was now or never. Walking the coast intuitively felt like the right path for me, and to ignore that call felt like submitting to a life of expectations that had led to my self-neglect.
I decided to walk for Mind, to litter pick the coast as I walked, and to document the journey through photography, writing and drawing. All of my efforts were to raise awareness for mental health, and to show that the best of our lives is ahead of us. On 03 October 2022 I set out, not knowing how transformative the journey would be.
James in Aberdeenshire
It was a year long, 6,600 mile hike around the coast, taking in the national three peaks along the way.
It was the hardest experience of my life, walking south from North Wales through winter storms and struggling through the pathless Scottish coast in summer. I nearly quit during a terrible storm on the second day, and on the third, the ground sheet of my tent began to leak, later tearing open altogether. I lived in it for three months until I met a man in a Cornish pub who offered to buy me a new one, receiving it on Christmas Eve!
"Something as simple as a smile or a hello from a stranger could make my day."
I was so grateful for his help, and the support of hundreds of people. I couldn’t have done it without them. Often strangers would take me in to their homes after meeting me on the path. My clothes were washed and I was fed, given new equipment and food.
Everyone I worked with at Mind were incredibly supportive in securing media opportunities and cheering me on. It was the moral support that was overwhelming. Something as simple as a smile or a hello from a stranger could make my day.
Helping others
I hoped to help people along my way, and it often felt like it was the other way around! Walking for a mental health charity allowed people to feel comfortable talking about their struggles and it encouraged me to speak about my crisis too.
Suicidal ideation was sadly a common experience among the people I met, and I was confronted with this mental health crisis when I encountered a woman who was actively suicidal.
Being the only person there, I intervened, waving to her and approaching to try and stop her attempt. I told her I knew how it felt, and connecting over that shared experience was enough to disrupt her thoughts and move her to safety. Fortunately, a crisis team and then emergency services stepped in. I stayed with her until she was taken away, but I would never hear from her again.
I couldn’t shake the feeling I had failed her, as she was still suicidal when we parted ways. I burst into tears afterwards and felt hollowed out with grief, both for her and my younger self who had shared those dark thoughts.
It was a grief that had disguised itself as an anger for my ex, who, by coincidence, had moved to the Scottish coast ahead of me while I walked.
It was surreal to meet her on my journey, her leaving me being the catalyst for my mental unravelling. But we had both come a long way, each sitting there in an Inverness cafe, much happier. She was sorry, and through my forgiveness we finally found closure for difficult time in both of our lives.
"I thought, there’s someone I could share my life with"
Shortly after, sitting out a storm in Kearvaig bothy on Cape Wrath, I received a message from a woman I had met month earlier, asking to buy me a drink when I finished.
Abi had offered me breakfast in the cafe where she worked in Norfolk. We immediately liked each other. She talked giddily about birds she knew nothing about, then hid out of embarrassment and I thought, there’s someone I could share my life with.
She had a daughter, so I assumed she was unavailable, and she thought I wouldn’t be interested. But once we began messaging, we fell in love, and became a family. I couldn’t have imagined my walk would lead me to becoming a father figure, something had seemed impossible in the depths of mental illness years earlier.
I’m so glad I didn’t listen to those suicidal thoughts. I wouldn’t have walked the coast, found closure or met Abi. I wouldn’t have raised £21,650 for Mind, or prevent a death. I later discover the suicidal woman made a full recovery, as I had.
Now I’m writing a book about my experience. My story of mental health is an ordinary one, which is why it’s so important to tell. When I looked after myself and pursued those things I love and make me feel alive, the rest seemed to fall into place. My journey has proven to me that self-care goes a long way.
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