Why I think men should talk more about their mental health
Content warning: This blog contains references to suicide.
After experiencing difficult times and losing his brother to suicide, Callum wants to encourage other young men to talk this Men’s Health Month.
I lost my brother without any signs anything was wrong. It was devastating. It made me realise I needed to talk to someone about my own mental health, leading to a diagnosis of emotionally unstable personality disorder (EUPD). I was getting help from my GP and I was having counselling. After moving to Wales from Kent, I didn’t know many people and felt quite isolated. I just didn’t know where to turn so I hit a real low point.
Then, I went to my local Mind, Brecon and District Mind, and it’s made such a difference.
Their Wellbeing support was a massive step forward for me. I feel like it works because you have someone you can sit down and vent to. There’s no judgment. I don't have many people to talk to in the outside world and it just takes that load off.
Having these conversations can be a bit triggering, but after I've sat there and processed things, it comes off my shoulders a little. If I didn't have that person to talk to, my bucket would fill up again. I’d recommend it 100%.
"I think a lot of people are scared to speak about how they feel because of stigma, especially young men. I feel like it's only recently, because of the statistics around suicide rates, people are taking notice and men are slowly coming out of their shells and speaking about it."
Losing my brother was a complete shock. We didn't even know he struggled with his mental health. He didn't speak about it. It was just out of the blue. From the notes he left behind, he seemed very isolated. He obviously thought he didn't have anywhere to turn, so it must have been rough to go through that alone when he didn't need to. And there's a lot of people that go through that struggle.
It was definitely a kick for me to get support. I've realised since, I have got issues and it's OK. I've got a diagnosis of EUPD. But I got through that process and I actually feel it's nice being able to turn to people. Sometimes, I think if he didn't die, would I still be wondering what's wrong with me?
It's good to hear other people's stories. It's important to see other people struggle as well, and that they do get through it. I live by myself and when I've not had a partner, it's quite isolating. You feel you're the only person in the world going through it. When I first started coming to the drop-in at Mind, talking, listening and knowing you're not the only one going through stuff takes a bit of weight off your shoulders.
Mind is awesome because it’s caring people doing it out of care. They're doing it for the love of the job.
I struggled to talk to and connect to a psychologist, but I was able to talk to George, a wellbeing practitioner at Brecon and District Mind. I think there's a difference, when you've experienced trauma. You just know if someone's understands you or if they're relating to you. Compared to a clinical setting where you feel they're categorising you. They're doing it from what they've learnt, not what they've experienced. That’s just so important.
I feel like my brother is motivation for me to start trying to help other people too. He died in November, so that’s why sharing my story during Men’s Health Month feels so important. I now volunteer at Brecon and District Mind because I like talking, I like listening and I want to help people. I want to work in wellbeing or do courses like counselling.
“My main piece of advice for anyone going through a tough time, is - just take it slow.”
Often, when something happens to people who have never experienced mental health issues before, a lot of people rush into the idea of going to the doctors, going to Mind or taking antidepressants and think these are going to be quick fixes. I personally felt quite defeated when it wasn't a quick fix. But any type of healing takes time and a lot of people are so worried, they’re not taking a minute to sit with their emotions.
People need to overcome that bit first, understand it's going to take a while and realise it could be a long process. With a bit of patience, you can get help to heal.
After taking part in a Wellbeing support programmes, offered by his local Mind, Callum is now able to give back – helping people in his community by volunteering. Find your local Mind to see what support is on offer, or how you can support them.
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