Mind showed me what it was like to be listened to
Jaabir, who had borderline personality disorder, talks about how Mind gave him the one-to-one support he needed and that led to him supporting others.
Mind has supported me for a decade now in a way that’s been life changing. In fact, so life-changing that I ended up returning the favour and working as a Mind volunteer, supporting other people who could benefit from my help.
It all started in 2016 when I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD). There’s so much focus in the NHS on BPD being a medical condition with a treatment that sometimes I feel I'm being pigeonholed or that I’m just the next case study.
With Mind, I’ve always found it different. They have always treated me as a human first and foremost rather than just a condition. And they also focus on the social factors affecting mental health as much as the medical issues. The approach feels more holistic to me than the NHS.
Whenever I've called the Infoline, support is delivered empathetically. Before they go into any signposting, advisers always seem able to put themselves in my shoes and understand what's going on for me. It's more about listening and empathy. They're very good at it, from my experience.
“Sometimes with other lines, you know your time's pretty much up. But with Mind I don’t feel I’m being pressured to get me off the phone.”
When I call the Infoline, I intend it to be a quick chat, but it often turns into something else. The floodgates open, and I can't stop talking. Sometimes with other lines, you start getting interrupted and you know your time's pretty much up. But with Mind I don’t feel I’m being pressured to get off the phone.
When I was most unwell, the shame that I carried around was immense. I felt that being mentally unwell was a failure in itself. So I decided to share my story to try to reduce that shame. I was like, ‘I don't want to tell anyone, so I'm going to do the absolute opposite and tell everyone and see how this goes!’
And it went really well. I felt that the more people I told about my BPD, the less of a taboo it was, and the more positive impact it had.
“When I began to feel better about myself, I started to volunteer. I used to be the walking group facilitator for my local Mind.”
I first used Mind’s online forum Elefriends, now called Side by Side, around 10 years ago and it really helped me. That was when I was waiting for therapy to start and I didn't feel like I had an outlet or anyone to talk to.
When I began to feel better about myself, I started to volunteer. I used to be the walking group facilitator for my local Mind. Walking is so different from sitting across the table from someone. I have been at groups where you sit indoors and have a cup of tea and biscuits. And while that's good because it gives you a chance to chat, it can be a bit limiting.
What surprised me was that people would be cagey or guarded in the Mind centre and then, as soon as we’d go out and start seeing things like birds, wildlife and landmarks, they’d start sharing. I found that when people are outside doing an activity and there's something to take their minds off what’s going on for them, they open up more.
I also started taking part in media opportunities – I was on Radio Five Live on the Nikki Campbell show, talking about my difficulty finding work after my diagnosis. I also filmed a piece for BBC News at Six.
When Mind asked if I’d like to go to the Strictly Christmas Special party, I said, “I don't know if I'm the right person for this, because I'm not really a Strictly fan. But my mother is an absolutely huge fan.” And they said, “Bring her along!” She didn’t believe me when I told her about it. Her highlight was meeting Ainsley Harriot, who was serving up cakes.
Until I became a media volunteer, I didn’t know about that side of TV or radio. I'd only ever been a viewer or listener. So it's been really interesting.
One time I called and spoke to the Infoline, because although I’d recovered from BPD to a point that I would say that I no longer had it, there were traces of something that wasn’t quite right. I spoke to them a bit about Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD), which seemed to fit with me. I was being triggered and then taken back to earlier emotions of events in my life that I had experienced (known as emotional flashbacks). The Infoline adviser had some suggestions and pointed me in the right direction.
“It’s great to know that after a decade of being helped by Mind, they’re still there for me when I need them.”
After speaking to the Infoline I reached out to my employers, who are very understanding and inclusive. I arranged some sessions with their wellbeing service and managed to get a therapist who specialises in CPTSD.
I've gotten to a point now where I have a toolbox to deal with those emotional flashbacks and to prevent me from getting into them. The tools include breathing techniques, having good sleep hygiene, for example by limiting screen use at night, and also movement therapy to stop me freezing. As part of that I’ve even taken up martial arts as a way to gain confidence in myself and my abilities and to challenge my freeze response with options. So when it happens, I know what to do.
It’s great to know that after a decade of being helped by Mind, they’re still there for me when I need them.
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