I shrank shaking into a dark corner. The petrifying hell of voices, paranoia and delusions, hate and destruction.
I had nose-dived into an episode of acute psychosis, with no real connection to reality and normality.
I had a 27 year bipolar 2 diagnosis, plus a few others.
But I was not on a high, which I thought was when psychosis happened. I was depressed. I did NOT understand.
For many years my life has rumbled along with mild delusional and paranoid thinking with intense phases of depression. The highs being very rare (the last one was 3 years ago and lasted 4 days!)
I have a tool box of coping strategies learned along the way from several types of therapy. But at that point I felt "therapied out ".
And I still had no understanding of why I felt like I did.
Three days with the crisis team and diazepamed out, I knew I had to find some help for myself to move forwards. Help that no-one else was offering right now.
I have used the Mind website many times in the past (I am a great seeker of information, it gives me hope for a better future and a greater understanding) so turned to it once again.
And there it was!! ‘Psychosis in Bipolar depression’. I had believed it only happened when on a 'high'. What a gift this new understanding was.
It was such a massive corner to turn for me. I wept.
Having read through the information I then searched the medication section and found something new to me that was specific for my situation with not too many horrid side effects. I wrote it down.
The consultant from the crisis team visited the next day and I asked for it to be added to my current medication. She listened, heard and agreed to my doing it very slowly. I am now very much improved with minimal mild side effects.
Thanks to the web information from the Mind site I have gained more understanding than ever before of the state and place I was in.
I also use Elefriends (Mind’s online support community) for encouragement and support. It is such a loving caring place.
I now feel I can move forwards and work on and with the triggers for these episodes with hope and new understanding which have been happening for all these years with no explanation.
We must not be afraid to 'tell how it is' and ask for what we feel would be best for our on-going care.
I am hopeful that soon, through more research, that we will all know much more about mental health and that this will lead to me being able to find holistic and support that will allow me to live a more positive life.
- Elefriends is a supportive online community where you can be yourself. We all know what it’s like to struggle sometimes, but now there’s a safe place to listen, share and be heard.