How I overcame adversity in the midst of crisis
Alice blogs about the darkness she experienced after her mother’s death, and how over the years she has developed a new resilience.
Overcoming suicidal thoughts, depression and anxiety has been a profound journey that’s reshaped my perspective on life.
Suicidal thoughts emerged as a desperate escape from my pain in the years following my mother’s death when I was 12. The process was neither linear nor easy, but it was transformative in the sense that I have grown as a person and achieved great things since then.
"I was never anxious or depressed before Mum died. She was everything to me, and the loss of her almost destroyed me."
My teens and early twenties I would say were the hardest years for me - especially navigating a new normal and finding myself and trying to discover who I was as a person. Before my mother’s death, I had never experienced loss or grief of an immediate family member, so this was incredibly traumatic.
I was never anxious or depressed before mum died. She was everything to me, and the loss of her almost destroyed me. Depression feels like an endless void whereby hopelessness and self-doubt can suffocate the joy in things you once loved. The anxiety and depression manifested in many ways as an adult including panic attacks, staying in my uni dorm with the curtains shut and not leaving, avoiding going to lectures, always being tearful, and constantly talking down to myself. The thoughts of suicide and self harm were getting louder and louder in my head to the point that I was scared of myself and what I had become.
Mum’s death changed me in so many ways - but working through my grief, learning to live with the loss, and acknowledging the struggle and the eventual acceptance of her death were steps in the right direction.
Recognising that thoughts of suicide are symptoms of a condition, not a reflection of my worth, created space for healing. Seeking help—whether through therapy, medication, trusted loved ones or contacting a mental health helpline or charity like Mind—builds a lifeline. Small, actions, like journaling or mindfulness, listening to music etc, anchored me in the present, gradually weakening that torturous grip of despair, fear and anxiety. I started to write poetry and self-published two books, and I rediscovered my passion for drawing, being a creative person has helped ground me tremendously over the years.
"I used to think that life wasn’t worth living, but now here I am years later telling my story as a Mind Media Volunteer."
The empowerment comes from reclaiming agency. Each step —feels like a victory, whether it’s getting out of bed, going outside for a walk around the block or to the local park, socialising with friends or sharing your pain, and just the little things in life. These moments accumulate, proving you’re stronger than the darkness. I was able to build my support system, set boundaries, and rediscover passions that reconnected me to the world. I used to think that life wasn’t worth living and that I was just a burden to people, but now here I am years later opening up and telling my story as a Mind Media Volunteer.
Over time, I have learned to trust myself again, finding purpose in my resilience.
This journey fostered self-compassion and empathy in me. Surviving suicidal thoughts and self-harm taught me to acknowledge the pain without letting it define me. It’s empowering to realise a person can endure the worst and still find light through creativity, helping others, or simply existing. You become a beacon of hope for yourself, proof that healing is possible.
"This strength that I found in myself may not erase the scars, but it transforms them into symbols of survival."
Studying also helped me out of the darkness. I reaped the fruits of my labour and have Bachelor’s and Master’s degrees. I feel a great sense of accomplishment in this and now hope to become a social worker.
This strength that I found in myself may not erase the scars, but it transforms them into symbols of survival. Overcoming adversities has made me a better and stronger person. I have rebuilt a life that is worth living and every day now I am grateful that I have managed to do so.
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