Antidepressants made me able to function again
Chloe blogs about how she was helped when she was suicidal, and how she is gradually coming off medication.
Last year I went through a difficult time with my mental health. I lost interest in doing anything and had no energy. I cried a lot of the time and experienced suicidal thoughts. I could not focus on work and took some time off due to not being able to get out of bed.
My manager had noticed that I was low and flat in mood, and friends and family were concerned about me. I felt like the only thing I could do was sleep. I had no appetite and lost a lot of weight. When my suicidal thoughts became intense, I rang my doctor.
We discussed antidepressants. I was hesitant because I had heard of negative side effects, and I’d never taken medication for mental health. I had also heard that often people have to try different antidepressants to find one that works for them and I did not want to take lots of different medications.
“My doctor warned me of side effects for the first couple of weeks. I would recommend staying in a safe place with someone you trust while starting mental health medication.”
I was staying with my ex-partner’s parents at the time, and they really helped me to get better. My doctor had warned me of side effects such as nausea and an increase in suicidal thoughts for the first couple of weeks. I would recommend staying in a safe place with someone you trust while starting mental health medication. For the first week, I experienced increased sweating, my legs became restless in bed, I felt nauseous to the point of gagging. Through the night I felt like I had a fever.
When I woke up, my pupils looked enlarged, and my jaw was clenching. I did not recognise myself in the mirror and this made me feel worried. I returned to work after a week and struggled with morning nausea for 2 weeks. I rang my doctor to discuss the side effects, and I decided to keep taking the medication to give it time to work. We agreed that I should increase my dosage due to feeling more able to function in daily life although I was still having some intrusive suicidal thoughts. I had no bad side effects from the medication after a few weeks.
I felt glad that I did not have to try other antidepressants and that I kept going through the bad side effects. The only things that affect me from taking the medication now is that I am more sensitive to the sun and burn easily and I also get drunk faster with less amount of alcohol when drinking with friends.
With my personal circumstances improving and the medication, I started to feel better. It has been one year since I started antidepressants, and I am gradually reducing my dosage and aim to come off them completely.
“One year ago, I did not think I would be in the positive place I am in today. Antidepressants made me able to function again, to engage in the things I love to do that keep me healthy.”
I feel I am in a place now where I no longer need medication for my mental health. I have got into a new healthy relationship, advanced in my career with a promotion and made sure I socialise with my friends. I have picked up new hobbies, including badminton, underwater hockey and reading. I have been to the Glastonbury festival and have holidayed in Turkey and Malaga.
One year ago, I did not think I would be in the positive place I am in today. Antidepressants made me able to function again, to engage in the things I love to do that keep me healthy. I have also learnt what stressors cause me to become unwell and how to have boundaries to avoid it happening again.
The worst thing for me were side effects when I struggled to come off antidepressants. While not taking my medication I experienced headaches and brain zaps. I have found that gradually reducing the dosage with the support of my GP is the best way to come off antidepressants, and I am now really looking forward to the future.
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