How to help someone who has anxiety

It can be really hard when someone you care about has anxiety problems or panic attacks. But there are things you can do to help.

Feeling like you don't have control over your own thoughts can be extremely isolating. But just hearing that someone out there knows how it feels can change everything.

Don't pressure them

Try not to put pressure on them to do more than they feel comfortable with. It's really important to be patient. Listen to their wishes and take things at a pace that feels OK for them.

It's understandable to want to help them face their fears or find practical solutions. But it can be very distressing for someone to feel they're being forced into situations before they feel ready. This could make their anxiety worse.

Try to remember that being unable to control their worries is part of having anxiety. They aren't choosing how they feel.

Try to understand

• Find out as much as you can about anxiety. This will help you understand what they're going through. Reading personal stories of anxiety can help too. You can find some in our Your stories pages.
• Ask about their experiences. You could ask them how anxiety affects their day-to-day life. And what makes it better or worse. This could help you to empathise with how they feel.

Ask how you can help

They may already know how you can support them. For example, helping them with difficult situations. Or doing breathing exercises with them.

By asking them what they need or how you can help, you can support them to feel more in control.

It can help them to know there's someone around who knows what to do if they start to feel frightened or panicked. This could help them to feel safer and calmer.

Support them to seek help

If you think their anxiety is becoming a problem for them, you could encourage them to seek help. You could:

• Offer to help them arrange a doctor's appointment. Remind them that they should be able to book an appointment online or by telephone. And that they can ask for a telephone appointment if they feel unable to leave the house.
• Offer support when they attend appointments. You could offer to go with them and wait in the waiting room. Or to be there when the doctor calls if it's a phone appointment. You can also help them plan what they'd like to talk about with the doctor. See our page on how to get help from your GP for more information.
• Help them seek help from a therapist. See our page on how to find therapy or counselling for more information. If they live in England, let them know that they can self-refer to NHS talking therapies.
• Help them research different options for support. For example, community services or peer support groups. See our useful contacts for anxiety page for more information. It includes details of Mind's Infoline. You could call them to find out more about local services.

See our page on helping someone else seek help for more information.

How to help someone having a panic attack

It's understandable to feel frightened when someone you care about has a panic attack. Especially if it seems to happen without warning. But it can help if you:

• Try to stay calm
• Gently let them know that they might be having a panic attack, and that you're there for them
• Encourage them to breathe slowly and deeply
• Do something structured or repetitive for them to focus on, like counting out loud, or gently raising your arm up and down
• Encourage them to stamp their feet on the spot
• Encourage them to sit somewhere quietly where they can focus on their breath until they feel better

Don't tell someone to breathe into a paper bag during a panic attack. This might not be safe.

See our page on panic attacks for more information and tips on how to cope.

Look after yourself

It can be really challenging to support someone with a mental health problem. You aren't alone if you feel overwhelmed at times.

It's important to remember to look after your own mental health too. This can help give you the energy, time and space you need to be able to help.

For example:

• Set boundaries and don't take on too much. If you become unwell yourself you won't be able to support them or yourself in the same way. It's also important to decide what your limits are and how much you feel able to help.
• Share your caring role with others, if you can. It's often easier to support someone if you're not doing it alone.
• Talk to others about how you're feeling. You may want to be careful about how much information you share about the person you're supporting. But talking about your own feelings with someone you trust can help you feel supported too.
• Find support for yourself. The organisations in useful contacts for anxiety are there to support you as well. You may find peer support groups or counselling are a good outlet for your feelings.

For more suggestions see our pages on:

• How to cope when supporting someone else
• Managing stress and building resilience
• How to improve your mental wellbeing