How to understand your feelings - for 11-18 year olds

Are emotions and feelings the same thing?

You might hear people using the words emotions and feelings. They mean slightly different things, and we try to understand them as:

Emotions – how we feel about something and how our body reacts. For example, if we experience fear, our heart might beat faster or our hands might shake.
Feelings – how we experience our emotions and give meaning to them. They are different for everyone. For example, we might associate our hands shaking with feeling anxious.

On this page, we use the word feelings to talk about your experiences and how they affect you.

Sometimes our feelings can be upsetting, scary or confusing. Especially if we're not sure why we feel the way we do. Whatever you're feeling right now, we're here to help.

What's on this page?

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It can be really scary to stop and think about how you're feeling... I spent a long time convincing myself that there was nothing wrong, even though there clearly was, and looking back I think I regret not exploring my feelings sooner.

How am I feeling?

Feelings can be hard to make sense of. You might be having new feelings you don't understand, like:

Not feeling yourself
Feeling something isn't right
Finding it hard to enjoy things you normally would, like seeing friends or doing hobbies
Feeling angry or sad
Wanting to be alone
Having thoughts that feel strange or hard to explain
Feeling energetic or hyper
Struggling to concentrate or focus
Feeling out of control

Talk to someone you trust if you’re worried about any of these feelings or experiences. They can talk things through with you, or help you find support.

What if I have nobody to talk to?

We have lots of information on how to look for different types of support.

Go to types of support page

Sometimes admitting that something might be wrong is the hardest part of recognising your feelings.

How can I recognise what I'm feeling?

Recognising our feelings can help us understand and learn how to cope with them.

It might feel difficult at first, but with time and practice, things can get easier.

Here are our top tips:

Download and fill in our Emotion Wheels resource. This can help you to name feelings that are hard to understand or describe. The Emotion Wheels PDF opens in a new tab.
Set aside time to check in with how you're feeling. You could use a notebook, journal or your phone to write down your feelings.
Practise paying attention to your feelings in the moment. For example, how do you feel when doing something you enjoy? Or when doing something you find difficult or scary?
Express your feelings creatively. You could draw, paint, write or try arts and crafts.
Talk to yourself like you would to a good friend. You could ask yourself: ‘Is this a new feeling?’ or ‘What does this feel like?’
Listen to how other people talk about their feelings. You might be able to notice words or feelings that you recognise.

It's important to pay attention to your feelings and try to recognise them. But you don't need to do it all the time. Making time to relax and clear your mind is just as important for your wellbeing. Take as many breaks as you need.

Seeing other people talk about their feelings can help you to recognise your own. I remember reading articles by athletes or other celebrities that I look up to, and realising that I’m not so alone in the way that I am feeling.

Why am I feeling this way?

Lots of things can affect the way we feel, like:

Problems at home, school or college
Problems with relationships or friendships
Losing someone important to us
Being confused about our identity or beliefs
Big events or changes in our life
Pressure from ourselves or others
Feeling lonely or like nobody understands us
Feeling unwell
Being bullied
Being abused
Worrying about what's happening in the world or on the news
Worrying about things we see on social media
Experiencing something traumatic or frightening

Sometimes we might feel misunderstood. Or find it hard to understand or express our feelings in the same way that others seem to do. This might be because we’re neurodivergent, like being autistic or having ADHD. Or because we’ve experienced trauma. But there might be other reasons too.

Sometimes there might not be a reason for what you're feeling, and that's okay. You're not alone and you still deserve help.

It can be harder to understand how you feel if you're unsure about your sexuality or gender identity. For LGBTQIA+ support, you can visit the websites for Stonewall, Mermaids and The Proud Trust.

How are my feelings and mental health linked?

Understanding the link between our feelings and mental health can be confusing. It can help to understand the difference between your thoughts, feelings and behaviours first:

Thoughts – what we think about ourselves and things that happen.
Feelings – how we experience our emotions.
Behaviours – the way we act and respond.

For example, if we're late for something, we may:

Think badly about ourselves. We might tell ourselves it's our fault and think of what we should have done differently.
Feel worried, stressed, guilty and irritable.
Behave in ways that are not helpful to us. We might rush, forget things or avoid going.

We might end up being later or not going at all, which starts the cycle again.

When a situation arises, our thoughts, feelings and behaviours connect to give us our experience. Being aware of this can help us to reflect on how we're coping with our mental health.

Our thoughts, feelings and behaviours can help us look at whether something needs to change. Like if we’ve felt sad or low for a long time. Or they might encourage us to keep doing things that make us feel good.

If you find it hard to recognise and understand your feelings, it might be harder to cope when difficult feelings come up. You may not know how to react. Or you may react in a way that is harmful to yourself or someone else.

Check out our tips on how to recognise and react to what you're feeling for more information.

Are my feelings becoming a mental health problem?

As we get older, we go through lots of emotional and physical changes. We might experience a range of feelings from day to day. And some can feel more difficult to manage.

We might need more help and support if the way we feel, think or behave:

Lasts for a long time
Becomes difficult to cope with
Stops us from doing the things we enjoy

Remember: whether your feelings are part of a mental health problem or not, you still deserve help if you're finding it hard to cope.

What is mental health?

We have information to help you understand more about mental health.

Go to mental health info

Get info on mental health problems

Low mood doesn't need to be caused by anything. It can just occur, and that is okay!

Asking for help with your feelings

You might feel scared about asking for help, or feel like you don't know where to start. Whatever you're feeling, you don't need to cope on your own.

You can open up to someone as soon as you feel ready. It might help to talk to someone you trust.

It doesn't matter how long you have been struggling with your feelings, it's always okay to ask for help.

The secret of my struggles was weighing down on me like a ton of bricks, and I decided I had to tell someone.

Why should I ask for help?

Asking for help can feel like a really hard step, but reaching out can help us to:

Get support to help with how we’re feeling
Feel like we're not alone
Understand our feelings better
Speak to a professional, like a doctor, counsellor or mental health expert
Stop things from feeling worse
Start to feel better

It's important to try and learn to recognise and address these feelings, and get the right support at that time to cope with them.

What can I do right now to get help?

To get help with your feelings right now, you could:

Think about how you can share your feelings with someone you trust. You could talk to a friend, partner or trusted adult. If you don't want to talk or aren't sure what you're feeling, you could try writing a letter or drawing a picture. For more ideas, see our page on opening up to someone you trust.
Call a helpline to have a confidential chat with an advisor. Sometimes it's easier to talk to someone you don't know. You can contact a support service like The Mix or Childline, or see our page of useful contacts.
Talk to your doctor. See our page on talking to your doctor for more tips.
Explore options for support. Our page on where to look for support has options on where to start.
Take some time to do something you enjoy or find relaxing. See our page on looking after your wellbeing for tips for things you could try.

Apps for mental health

Some apps can help us with things like feeling calmer or managing difficult experiences. But with so many apps, it can feel hard to know where to start.

To find safe, trustworthy apps for young people, visit Mind's app library.

Go to app library

I find it difficult to understand my feelings which is what makes me feel out of control. However, with practice I've found techniques to help understand how I'm feeling, and I use positive coping mechanisms to help me.

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