Three weeks later I was one of the first on the scene where two of my colleagues had been in a car crash. They were both inside and extremely injured.
It was really traumatic. I didn’t have any friends as I was new to the area, I was a supervisor; I had to be there for everybody else, but nobody was there for me.
From then onwards I felt myself start to deteriorate. I am quite self-aware; I know when things are happening. So I knew I was unwell, but I couldn’t go sick. Because I had been off sick before – physical sickness, not mental health. So I couldn’t admit I wasn’t OK.
I kept thinking I’d get over it, it would be fine. But I was walking around as if I was in a bubble – it was like I wasn’t really there. I was feeling that all the time. Then I’d drive somewhere and just sit in the car for an hour and not realise. In my head it had felt like minutes, because I had been so detached from what was actually happening. I was also experiencing uncontrollable anger, which was not me and quite frightening.