I joined the fire service in 2001 when I had just turned 18 – I’d always fancied doing it, so one day I took the plunge.
Three years ago my then partner and I lost a baby – we had a miscarriage. At the time it didn’t think anything of it. I told myself these things happen, get on with it.
Then last summer at work I attended a road traffic accident. The casualty trapped in the car was pregnant. As soon as the officer giving the briefing told us that, something just turned. I had to step away from the job then and there, because the first thing that came into my head was the baby we had lost. What was bizarre for me was why it had taken so long to react to it.
I had some time off work, and went back when I thought I was OK. They took one look at me and sent me straight home. Then I went in again and was OK for couple of weeks and then I wasn’t, so they sent me home again.
Looking back, part of me knew work was keeping me going, but I and my bosses knew I wasn’t safe to be there because of the huge fluctuations in my mood. I never knew what triggered it, but I’d go from being fine straight to rock bottom.