Coping with loneliness

Feeling lonely isn't in itself a mental health problem, but the two are strongly linked. Having a mental health problem increases your chance of feeling lonely, and feeling lonely can have a negative impact on your mental health. 

Although most people need some kind of social contact to maintain good mental health, everyone has different social needs. You may be someone who is content with a few close friends, or you may need a large group of varied acquaintances to feel satisfied.

Have a look at these tips. They might help you to cope with feelings of loneliness.

• Think about what is making you lonely
• Make new connections
• Open up
• Take it slow
• Be careful when comparing yourself to others
• Check how you are feeling
• Get some help
• Read others' stories

Think about what is making you lonely

Being alone is not the same as being lonely. There is nothing wrong with being on your own if you are comfortable with it.

If you're visiting this page however, something probably feels wrong for you.

People usually describe feeling lonely for one of two reasons:

• they simply don't see or talk to anyone very often
• even though they are surrounded by people, they don't feel understood or cared for

Deciding which is the case for you may help you to find a way of feeling better. 

• Volunteering is a good way of meeting people. Helping others can also really help improve your mental health. See useful contacts for organisations that can help you find local volunteering opportunities.

• Join an online community. See useful contacts for some suggestions.

We're not saying it's an easy thing to do. If reaching out sounds overwhelming, take a look at some of our ideas in Take it slow for inspiration, or read Lee or Scott's stories below about how they found ways to meet new people.

Open up

You might feel that you have plenty of connections, but what is actually wrong is that you don't feel close to them, or they don't give you the care and attention you need.

In this situation it might help to open up about how you feel to friends and family. 

If you don't feel comfortable opening up to the people you know, you could try making new connections (see Make new connections).

• If you're going to a group or class, see if someone you know will go along with you the first time, or ask whoever runs the class or group if you can just go along and watch at first.
  
  
• Go somewhere it's not expected that you'll interact straight away, like a class where everyone is focused on an activity.
  
  
• Ask your GP if talking treatments are available in your area which could help you manage the mental health effects of loneliness.

• Visit our online support community Elefriends. It's a safe and supportive environment where you can talk about your mental health, without fear of judgement, with others who share your experience.

• See our info on finding support online and see how you might be able to make connections through social media.

Watch Lee's vlog on how overcoming his loneliness started with talking to people online and getting involved a mental health campaign.

Be careful when comparing yourself to others

It is very hard to stop comparing ourselves to others, we all do it, but it can help to just be aware that things are not always what they seem from the outside. 

Social media, and the fact that we very often only see what other people want to share about their lives, can make us feel like we are the only ones feeling lonely. 

It's important to remind yourself that you don't know how people feel when they are alone, or when their social media feeds are turned off.

If you're worried that social media might be affecting your mental health see our information on staying well online.

Check how you are feeling

How are you feeling generally? Feeling lonely can be very stressful and can have a big impact on your general wellbeing, which might make it even harder to make positive steps to feeling better. 

Think about how some of the following are affecting how you feel and whether you can do anything to change them:

Ask for help

You don't have to go through this on your own. Lots of organisations can help you make connections. 

Read others' stories

This information was published in April 2016. We will revise it in 2019.