Hearing voices

Posted Wednesday 9 January 2013

I think I have always heard voices and seen things, for as long as I can remember. The voices haven't always got in the way, sometimes they really help, especially when I was growing up and struggling, they helped distract me, they where in my little world where I couldn't hear or see what was going on and no one could hurt me.

Sometimes now the voices are good, some of them are positive and encouraging, especially when I am really anxious about going out, it's the 'we will be fine, nothing bad is going to happen, you have to do it' and sometimes the voices are bad and saying horrible things, this tends to be when I am really distressed or feeling low, it's kind of like a kick while I'm down, 'there are people over there are looking at you, oh now they are talking about you because you deserve it!' and things like that.

If I am in a bad way they can really affect me and make me ill if I can't cope with what they are saying. Sometimes its just loud noise, it's too loud I can't cope, I can't think straight and I just want them to stop.

The first time I knew I felt different was when I was in school, it was in my 5th year of primary school and I ran out of the classroom to the playground with my friends and there was a man with his hood up wearing all black and standing in the middle of the playground. I stopped dead. But no one else could seem to see him. He was scary. I started seeing him more and more. He would appear in different places all the time. I saw a lot of black cats too, to other people they where not there, but to me they couldn't have been more real. 

Are they real or not real? It's a hard question. Physically no, but they are real to the person experiencing it and for someone to turn round and say to you it's not real, just makes you feel more alone than ever.

I never told anyone that I heard voices, the first time I told someone was when I spoke to a friend. It wasn't direct, it was because she came with me to an appointment to see a psychiatrist and he was asking me questions about my voices. I ended up getting admitted to hospital that day, her reaction at first was to get upset and cry, but I think I would of reacted in the same way if it was the other way round. I would be upset that she was sick and struggling and that I couldn't help her.

But since then I've been in hospital 3 times and I'm getting more comfortable with talking to people about my voices. Some people find it difficult I know, but the way I see it is that I'm the one that is going through it, I have to deal with the voices, so my good friends will stick by me and try to understand.

Recently I went on a day course about understanding young people and hearing voices. It really did me the world of good and made me realise how common it can be. I now believe that because horrible things have happened to me in the past, this is how my body and mind want to deal with it, and that's okay.

Lucy

Voices can have a big impact on managing daily life. For support, contact your local Mind or call the Infoline on 0300 123 3393.

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4 Comments

• julia replied on 10 Jan 2013 at 09:23

  I used to hear voices as a teenager growing up.very negative voices which controlled my life. In my early twenties I had cbt with a psychologist which really helped me. I feel I am now in control but when I feel low I try to challenge those voices but sometimes it does just feel like alot of noise. And I try and find ways to deal with that. But I think hearing voices is viewed alot worse than it is.

• A.mom replied on 17 Jan 2013 at 10:00

  My 12 year old child has been hearing voices and seeing things since she was in primary school too, reading this blog has been a great comfort. She is under the care of CAMHS and the most wonderful Home Treatment Team who have provided excellent care and helped her begin to deal with the voices. I think it will be a long journey for her but hopefully such great early intervention will be of benefit long term.

• sezpj replied on 18 Jan 2013 at 17:20

  this blog described the way i hear voices and i also often see 'black cats'.it made me feel less of a freak and less alone in what i have gone through.the voices to me can be very disturbing and sometimes scary and are often bad voices not the good ones.i find it hard to talk about or express the way schitzophrenia effects me to other people that dont really understand.

• Paul replied on 25 Jan 2013 at 09:59

  Hi

  My name is Paul and would like to share a few thoughts with you about life. Being a bit inside out is sometimes where you end up. It's not embarrassing when you realise this is you. it can right itself but don't get angry in the mean time ( a little frustrated is normal)

  Remember if you make the inside of you and the outside of you the same, that can't be bad.

  Speak to everybody as a friend as they are and want to be.

  The tv programme the Waltons said good night to each other each night and never let an argument last to the next morning. That's not always possible but if you get a good vibe try to talk and remember the person you talk to is just as imperfect as you and me. x

  Paul

  Sent from my iPad