Sharing the rollercoaster ride
Posted Monday 22 October 2012
So I have struggled for years with mental health issues, ever since I can remember really, I've always struggled with hearing voices and hallucinations, but I always thought that this was normal, until I mentioned it to a friend once in school and by the look on her face I knew there was something wrong with me. My childhood and through adolescence were really difficult times, I was abused, my parents had a violent divorce, I got into drugs and alcohol, self-harmed daily, had an eating disorder and other issues. These were secrets I carried with me up until I moved away.
So, one day I packed my bag and moved, I moved to the other side of the country. It was the best thing I ever did. I got a job and really basically kept myself to myself for about a year. It was until I got really ill, I was struggling getting out of bed in the morning, and everyday stress was causing me to problems with my memory and losing a lot of weight. Due to me having time off work my line manager at the time spoke to me and slowly but surely she became the first person I had ever spoke to about what was going on, my past and what I had been through. She is no longer my line manager, but she is the sister I never had and she is truly my life saver, I love her to bits and she would do anything for me. Over the next six months as I was opening up more, writing letters to my friend of nightmares and flashbacks I was having and trying to get it all out, I was going downhill. I was extremely suicidal and ended up in my local mental health unit. Over the next 2 months I was in and out of there 3 times, it was hard. I became close to a mental health nurse who gave me hope when I had none left, she sat up with me for hours talking and sharing stories, she was my rock while I was in hospital.
I haven’t been in hospital for 4 months now, I am on anti-psychotic medication and anti-depressants. Since leaving hospital I was given a care coordinator who was meant to be sorting everything out for me, most importantly psychotherapy that my psychiatrist had referred me for. My care coordinator was worse than useless, she wouldn't ring for weeks on end, not turn up to appointments and 4 months down the line I still have not had 1 session of psychotherapy and my care coordinator rang 2 weeks ago to tell me it was her last day! Honestly my care has been appalling, the only time I ever get contacted is if my friend rings up and complains, she is older than me and like a Mum to me and I wouldn’t be here without her, but then they ring me and give me grief for getting my friend to complain. The last couple of weeks have been hard; I have stayed at my friends a few times on the nights that have been the hardest with the hallucinations, but they are slowly easing down to becoming manageable again.
So at the moment I am currently waiting for a new care coordinator, Please keep your fingers crossed for me! I just want a bit of support for the down times on my rollercoaster. I don’t have family support, but if it wasn't for my friends, one in particular, my ‘adopted’ Mum and my partner, I don’t know where I would be right now. Everything happens for a reason. Peace.
Lucy also has her own blog.
Hallucinations and hearing voices can be really frightening, but are surprisingly common. Our booklet on understanding psychotic experiences explains what the experiences are like, what might cause them, available treatments and what family and friends can do to help.
Commenting is now closed.