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Sharing the rollercoaster ride
Posted Monday 22 October 2012
So I have struggled for years with mental health issues, ever since I can remember really, I've always struggled with hearing voices and hallucinations, but I always thought that this was normal, until I mentioned it to a friend once in school and by the look on her face I knew there was something wrong with me. My childhood and through adolescence were really difficult times, I was abused, my parents had a violent divorce, I got into drugs and alcohol, self-harmed daily, had an eating disorder and other issues. These were secrets I carried with me up until I moved away.
So, one day I packed my bag and moved, I moved to the other side of the country. It was the best thing I ever did. I got a job and really basically kept myself to myself for about a year. It was until I got really ill, I was struggling getting out of bed in the morning, and everyday stress was causing me to problems with my memory and losing a lot of weight. Due to me having time off work my line manager at the time spoke to me and slowly but surely she became the first person I had ever spoke to about what was going on, my past and what I had been through. She is no longer my line manager, but she is the sister I never had and she is truly my life saver, I love her to bits and she would do anything for me. Over the next six months as I was opening up more, writing letters to my friend of nightmares and flashbacks I was having and trying to get it all out, I was going downhill. I was extremely suicidal and ended up in my local mental health unit. Over the next 2 months I was in and out of there 3 times, it was hard. I became close to a mental health nurse who gave me hope when I had none left, she sat up with me for hours talking and sharing stories, she was my rock while I was in hospital.
I haven’t been in hospital for 4 months now, I am on anti-psychotic medication and anti-depressants. Since leaving hospital I was given a care coordinator who was meant to be sorting everything out for me, most importantly psychotherapy that my psychiatrist had referred me for. My care coordinator was worse than useless, she wouldn't ring for weeks on end, not turn up to appointments and 4 months down the line I still have not had 1 session of psychotherapy and my care coordinator rang 2 weeks ago to tell me it was her last day! Honestly my care has been appalling, the only time I ever get contacted is if my friend rings up and complains, she is older than me and like a Mum to me and I wouldn’t be here without her, but then they ring me and give me grief for getting my friend to complain. The last couple of weeks have been hard; I have stayed at my friends a few times on the nights that have been the hardest with the hallucinations, but they are slowly easing down to becoming manageable again.
So at the moment I am currently waiting for a new care coordinator, Please keep your fingers crossed for me! I just want a bit of support for the down times on my rollercoaster. I don’t have family support, but if it wasn't for my friends, one in particular, my ‘adopted’ Mum and my partner, I don’t know where I would be right now. Everything happens for a reason. Peace.
Lucy
Lucy also has her own blog.
Hallucinations and hearing voices can be really frightening, but are surprisingly common. Our booklet on understanding psychotic experiences explains what the experiences are like, what might cause them, available treatments and what family and friends can do to help.
8 Comments
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Best wishes in your journey my friend and remember there are lots of great and useful websites to explore where folk exchange ideas and coping skills that might be worth trying: you are not alone even when it may feel that you are!
Intervoice has a great forum, The Hearing voices network is a cool place for exploration and sharing and my own little contribution to the debate? www.visionsandvoices.weebly.com . Check them out...need more info? You can also say hello to me on Facebook if you wish: Ivan Barry.
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Thank you ivan barry, I will take a look! thank you so much for your response! Lucy
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The after care (or lack of it) it not good enough Lucy. My son has a similar story to tell and after making the mistake of trusting and believing the system and those running it I came to the conclusion that those who shout loudest get most done. I did everything in my power to get my son the help he needed, including refusing to take him home from the hospital and threatening to go to the newspapers. I demanded a new and better psychiatric social worker which he eventualy got and 12 months on he is no longer hearing voices, is ready to live on his own and go back to work. I feel so sorry for those who have no one to shout for them so if your friend is willing the let her keep on shouting!
All the luck in the world. x -
HI Lucy,
I just wanted to wish you all the best in your journey. Your situation rang many bells with me as my girlfriend experiences hallucinations, has a complex diagnosis of DID, Bipolar and Psychotic depression, self harms and has a number of physical conditions as well.
To say the care she has received both in and out of hospital has been patchy would be an understatement. Your situation seems to ring true for many people who experience such things and like your friend I have rung on my girlfriends behalf many times to her care coordinators only for them to not return my calls at all but promptly tell my girlfriend off for not speaking to them herself. A difficult thing for her to do even on a good day let alone a bad one.
Despite the lack of support from the professionals It sounds as if you have two very supportive people in your life which is brilliant. I know from my relationship how much that support can mean to someone during the dark times and I wish you all the best for the future.
Emma
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do you still hear voices on meds. i'm on them and they are coming back telling me to stop taking the meds. haven't told the doctor i hear them
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Hi Pam.
Thank you so much for your comment. Your Son is so lucky to have you there fighting his corner. I feel exactly the same, if you don't have someone nagging for you, complaining constantly you get lost- and this is what keeps happening for me.
Thank you for your wishes- it's very much appreciated.
All the best to you and your Son!
Lucy
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Hi Emma,
Thank you so much for your response- I'm sorry to hear about the support or lack of, that your girlfriend has received. My boyfriend also gets very frustrated with the lack of support that I receive. I totally understand how it can be difficult to ask for help in those tough times and the services available can make it so hard to do so anyway.
All the best to you and your girlfriend- she is lucky to have someone so supportive!
Lucy
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Hi Maureen, yes I still hear voices on meds, what are you taking? My voices disagree with me taking them, but you have got to be stronger than your voices. You take your meds because u no u need to and you be strong. All the best to you. Lucy
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