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I asked for help and was turned away
Posted Wednesday 31 October 2012
The strange thing is that I felt it coming on and I was becoming manic. Things were going really well at work and at home, but I started to get the spiritual feelings I often get, this time they were stronger and more intense.
I remember thinking 'right, what did my physiatrist say to do?’ I knew that Olanzapine would take a while to get into my system so, as an alternative, I took Lorazipan. This knocked me out and as a result I had two excellent nights’ sleep. On the third night I was feeling physically ill and had a feeling of evil around me. I was unwell (sickness) and didn’t sleep most of the night.
Darell, my partner, was unaware of my disturbed sleep as he was himself very tired. In hindsight I should have woken him up but instead I started to panic, with my mind racing all over the place.
The next day I decided to take the day off work and get myself down to the doctors. Darell came with me as support - bless him. They checked my bloods etc and thought it was maybe my thyroid. I was very agitated and Darell could see that I was not myself - I was talking a lot about 'spirits and demons' so we decided to ring my psychiatrist for advice. We left a message saying it was important for him to ring us back as I could feel another episode coming on and I didn't know what to do.
I was starting to think all sorts of things, positive and negative, and was becoming paranoid that someone was trying to get me - this is all part of my psychotic episode. Paranoia is one of the worst things I experienced. I could feel evil around me and was having increasingly evil thoughts, which is so unlike me as normally I am very positive.
As we hadn't heard from my psychiatrist, we decided to ring the crisis team, believing they would be supportive and helpful to people in crisis. Darell spoke to them initially and said he was very worried, asking them what he should do. I’m afraid to say they were singularly unhelpful - to the point I even said 'well what happens if I thought aliens were on the planet?' and all they said was ‘a lot of people think that.’
I was crying out for help – the crisis team accepted that I was not having thoughts of self harm or killing myself, so did not seem to accept that what I was experiencing constituted a crisis. I knew I was going to have an episode, but they didn't seem to take it on board. They basically ignored me and said there was nothing that they could do at that point.
I was so upset, I couldn’t relax at all and still had manic thoughts, even voices in my head. My psychiatrist’s secretary did ring back at that point and we booked an appointment for the following day.
Unfortunately this was too late and that night I had a full blown episode. I ended up in a mental health hospital and stayed there for the next month, recovering.
I am annoyed at the way that the crisis team handled the situation, as I was so obviously in need of help. If they had acted on my cries for help it may have prevented a full psychotic episode and me being admitted to hospital. That’s why I support Mind’s campaign for more and better crisis care services.
Liz
If you are in crisis and need help, find out what you can do and how to get the support you need.
19 Comments
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Im so sorry and angered to hear yet another case of failure to provide adequate and appropriate help at point of access. It happened to me too and my friend. It is too common, so much so it is kind of the norm. You did so well in recognising your psychotic episode coming on and couldn't have done anymore than you did which makes it even worse. I wish you health and healing
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I have seen crisis team 3 times and they have been awful every time. They upset me so much that even if i was in absolute crisis i wouldnt ring them EVER.
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I went for years in psychosis. Some days better than others but always afraid to go out and touch the psychotic world. I had scary spiritual experiences at night just as I was going to sleep. I had ghosts whispering in my ears and horrific recurring nightmares. My encounters with mental health services at the beginning had put me off approaching them again. The GP offered anti depressants but I felt this wasn't near enough. The lack of practical help (like someone to go shopping with) was as bad as the illness itself. Friends did as much as they could and without them I just would not have survived. When I did finally force an assement from services they gave me the impression that it was being done under duress from me. The person I spoke to was sharp and unsympathetic which just confirmed what I already concluded earlier. So now I try to find my own coping strategies along with being in touch with trusted friends which works well for me at present. I think I have come to the conclusion that mental health services have little to offer someone like me. I live alone and my needs are as much social as mental (how can we divorce the two). My experience tells me mental health services are not good at any of the.
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I know it is stating the obvious but, rude or off-hand staff can make a persons symptoms worse especially if you think you live in a hostile world. That said, all the staff I have encountered have been very nice and calm.
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Hi Liz
I was so sorry to read of your situation. Sadly, it didn't surprise me. 3 years ago, I was in the middle of the worst episode of mental illness I had ever experienced. It lasted a long time. I had the misfortune of the having the 'support' of our local crisis team on two periods over several months. They were as helpful as a 'chocolate teapot'. They made promises they never kept, got my prescriptions for medication wrong, patronised me frequently and showed little or no empathy. One of them said I had 'too much insight' and should stop trying to 'read myself out of my situation'. A horrendous bunch of people.
I was incredibly ill and I just felt that I was just 'another visit' they had to make on their rounds each day. My experience of them was one of the worst I have ever had during the decade I accessed secondary mental health services.
I feel that the crisis care I received was demeaning, unstructured and chaotic at a time when I was regularly suicidal, without hope and genuinely stuck. I never saw the same person twice and they made me 'tell my story' every single time they visited. I hated it.
I am glad to report I am now living in recovery. I am so glad to hear you've made it through. That's a credit to you. Shame on these inadequate and next-to-useless services that are letting so many of us down.
All the best for the future.
Lee
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Angry does not come close to how I am feeling having read this!! I have just this week written a letter of complaint to my MHT, GP local NHS Complaints Dept and MP, relaying my non existant help from our local crisis centre. I phoned them, suicidal, weeks ago. I was told my care co-ordinator would be contacted on the Monday (two days later) and she would be in contact with me. On the Monday an unknown woman (left no name) left a message on my voicemail, stating my care coordinator was on holiday, and hoped I felt better!! Weeks later I contacted them!! Not so much as a follow up call when the care coordinator returned. Disgusting is not the word!! I have been constantly told over the past two years, since a previous disgusting experience with the exact same crisis team, how I must ask for help from the crisis team in case of a crisis. This was the first time in two years I contacted them, I sincerely would not go to themfor help again, but the question is, who do you get help from in time of crisis? If anybody knows, let me know, because I am damned if I know who!!!
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Hi Dawn,
This sounds really awful, I'm really sorry you weren't able to get the support you needed in crisis, that's really worrying to hear and exactly what we want to challenge through our campaign.
You're right to contact your crisis team and it's terrible they are not up to scratch - if you need support again in the future, we have a 'what to do' page on our website: http://www.mind.org.uk/help/crisis
You can also call our infoline to ask about alternative support in your area, their number is 0300 123 3393.
Best wishes, Becca at Mind.
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Sadly, I experienced very similar circumstances to the woman in this article, two weeks ago. Although luckily, I did not experience symptoms of psychosis, on this occasion! My G.P. had referred me urgently to the mental health team/psychiatric team of my local hospital for assessment, following a doctor's appointment, in which I told him I had been having severe suicidal thoughts that weekend, including holding a broken mirror to my wrist.
The assessment was, in my opinion, biased to present me as being far more capable than I was. She twisted my words continuously and fed words into my mouth, encouraging me strongly to agree to her opinions. Not well enough to disagree with these opinions assertively and following the hour's assessment, I was discharged and not taken into secondary services, and told to find my way home from the hospital. I came close to taking my own life the next day, and feel completely let down. My GP was not surprised.
Previously, members of the "Crisis Prevention Team" in N. S. who spent three weeks observing me in May 2012, said things to me, during a serious episode of depression, which included: "You know I've known somebody who was so depressed that they developed bedsores!" and "Perhaps you could try cleaning up your flat." Also, "You don't really want to live here do you?" during my being threatened with eviction from my privately rented accommodation - which the team initially did nothing to help, until my mother called them continuously by phone, worried sick.
Many of the team spoke to me in a totally patronising manner (slowly and overly-cheerily, as if I was a small child) and upon contacting them further in August, I too received a completely dismissive and off-hand attitude from the team. In my opinion only people who hold a full degree level qualification in mental health work/psychiatry should be employed in this profession, once they can prove sufficient understanding and sympathy of mental health conditions.
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Really sorry to here of this terrible lack of help and insight. Can only hope things get considerably better for you and all who find themselves in similar circumstances.
I have had horrendous issues with crisis team some years back and will not use them EVER again. They insist on coming out in twos and can be very intimidating for someone who is in a vulnerable state and mostly reclusive - two strangers with what appears to me to have little experience of having suffered the problems of mental health issues, can be further distress for those in a crisis state. This year recently i went into crisis after being DUMPED, against my wishes, onto FAST TRACK - what is part of the governments nhs reform, where your CPN / care coordinter is restricted in seeing you regularly. You have to ring in and ask for duty community care team officer if you're in a state - they then go on to grill you about how your feeling etc and generally end up suggesting you go for a walk or have a nice hot bath!!! They dont really want to come out - all part of the reform!! If, like me, you cant talk on the phone when your rough - and especially so to someone you don't know - things go decidedly down hill from there onwards!! I ended up with GP increasing my meds plus given extra tranquilizers (valium) plus sleeping tabs plus urgent referral to psychiatrist! She also called care team to see what was going on- but when reassessment was requested the team manager insisted that two strangers on the team come out to me and not my usual CPN - all things contrary to what is written clearly in my care plan ie i need continuity with CPN!!! I had to access Samaritans - over 12 times in all due to suicidal thoughts/feelings etc - plus have accessed private psychologist/councillor for support and guidance on how to get myself back to some sort of 'normality' again! The help and support from the community psychiatric staff beggars belief at the moment! I could have easily committed suicide,but who cares? -
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences on this, everyone. It sounds like you've had some really difficult situations to cope with and that the support has been far below what you deserve.
We're really working hard with this campaign to raise awareness and demand action on these important issues. Crisis care is so vital and we need it to be up to scratch and available everywhere. No one should ever be made to feel like you, Jacqueline, when you say "I could have easily committed suicide, but who cares?"
We care and we'll keep fighting for things to improve. Sharing your stories makes a big difference, they give us something to approach MPs with when we call for change. If you'd be part of this, we have a take action page on our website: http://bit.ly/vVlp6s
Best wishes, Becca at Mind.
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This frightens the life out of me the feeling that there really is no safety net anymore. They are taking our benefits and putting us through a regime that can only be described as mental torture and when we hit crisis we cant get anywhere near a psychiartrist (who are the people who should be THERE when it happens)
I dont want people coming to my house telling me to go for a walk or have a bath, I dont like the way our symptoms are trivialised so that becomes an excuse to do nothing, depression is REAL not just a 'low mood'
I sometimews think this is all a plan by govt to get rid of us, tailoring services so that any help becomes non existent, again I am really frightened.
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Hi Linda,
I really understand why you feel this way, that's why campaigning for change is so important. People reach crisis care at the most difficult time in their lives and it's simply not good enough if the support they are offered is below the standard they deserve.
I hope you are doing ok, best wishes, Becca at Mind.
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Really sorry to hear of your experience. I experienced something similar. I remember being referred to my local crisis team by my GP this time last year. I was to arrive at 5pm (as I was feeling suicidal), I arrived early, booked in and waited. No-one showed by 6pm, I sat in the waiting area in tears. At 7pm, the clerk at the desk said "I'm so sorry, they went home just after 5pm, I'll ring them to come back in" - I walked out and home in tears. I went to bed determined not to be there the next day. I woke up early hours of the next morning and had been ill, I couldn't stop being sick and had to phone my mum. An ambulance arrived just after my mum and dad did and the ambulance man was so rude and told me that I was "faking it" ( I was constantly wretching), When I arrived at the hospital he said "they'll soon know your name without looking for your notes" (I'd been in after failing an overdose a few months before). I was treated overnight by being given the antidote and a doctor advised me that she was waiting for the crisis team to come before I could be discharged. I was asked similar questions "Do you hear voices? etc... I didn't so did not lie. Life has moved on now and I came off my antidepressants months ago. I still feel depressed but have not gone back to that dark place. I'm disappointed in the mental health support available through the NHS. My GP was really supportive and I will always be grateful for that. Best wishes to you.
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I phoned my local out-of-hours Crisis service this evening (Friday) feeling desperate and suicidal, and was told I had to wait until Monday. When I explained that I didn't feel safe at home and would need to be seen before then, I was told to 'go away and think about positive things' which in my opinion is almost as bad as telling someone who is depressed to 'cheer up and get over it'.
Prior to this a few months ago I overdosed and was admitted to A&E. After six days as an inpatient being treated for my OD the Crisis Team finally came to see me and I was told that I wouldn't receive any kind of support from them until I stopped feeling suicidal. I am now being seen by my local Community Mental Health Team and they are pretty good, but in the evenings and at weekends I have no support whatsoever. I live alone and have no friends or family living locally.
Crisis services in this country are a joke. What do we pay their wages for if all they ever seem to do is tell people to go away and deal with it on their own?
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It's sad to hear that people still arent getting the help that they clearly need. It takes a lot from someone to admit that they need help and this is something that professionals just don't seem to appreciate. Just because they get to close the door on people's issues when they finish work each day; they just don't seem to get how daunting and impacting things can be on people and their lives 24/7.
The help is supposed to be there to make people feel better, not worse and it should be put into place as soon as possible - time is of the essence.
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"I was crying out for help – the crisis team accepted that I was not having thoughts of self harm or killing myself, so did not seem to accept that what I was experiencing constituted a crisis"
I gave up on NHS crisis services after being turned away despite being assessed as at high risk of suicide & living alone as "hospital wasn't the right place for me" & I was "too high risk" for the intensive home treatment team. I'm lucky - there is a 24/7 crisis service where I live that uses "user-defined crisis" as the criteria for accessing them which has saved my life. They meet most (?all) of the Mind recommendations for crisis care.
I know Mind covers England/Wales, but BBC Scotland had a programme on issues getting help when suicidal in July "Scotland's Silent Deaths". There's still a couple of clips, & one from Leeds Crisis Centre on their website:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b01kxvr2
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-18882728 -
Dear Louise. I'm so sorry to read that your crisis team turned you away, especially when you were feeling so unsafe. It's not good enough and why we're campaigning for better crisis care. If you're feeling unsafe again and your crisis team won't help you can also call NHS Direct or 999 and this page has some other options for where you can go: http://www.mind.org.uk/help/crisis or you can call our infoline 0300 123 3393 and they can see if they can find you some other support. Lastly, are you a friend of the Elephant? http://www.facebook.com/mindelephant ? It's a supportive group of people on Facebook who support each other - do have a look around. Take care of yourself
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I received input from a crisis team last year, it was for three days. The two staff that visited me were kind , supportive and made a difficult time for me easier. Personally, I did not want them there, but at the time I was unwell and I agreed to them coming to avoid an admission. It saddens me that people have had negative experiences when mine was positive given the circumstances.
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As a student mental health nurse and fellow human being, reading this page really saddens me. AIthough I am sure that it is no consolation to those of you who've had such terrible experiences at the hands of services, I think that it's important to put it out there that some of us really do care. We are interested in listening to what you have to say. Having experienced mental health problems myself I understand how important it is to feel like someone has your back when you are feeling at quite possibly your most desperate and vulnerble. Hopefully campaigns like Mind's will push for the much needed improvements.
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