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Depression and anxiety - my experience as a young professional
Posted Monday 24 September 2012
“Snap out of it”, “Get over it”, “Stop being dramatic”. I started to believe that I really was just being dramatic, there were plenty of other people worse off than me. I’d had a great childhood, did well at school, had good friends and a great job, what was there to be sad about?
I’m 23 years old and have suffered with depression since I was 13. I didn’t really know anything about depression though until I was 18 and saw my GP. Those five years inbetween were very difficult but even after seeing my GP I didn’t fully acknowledge the issue. I stopped taking my medication after three weeks and continued to go through phases of depression until everything came to a head.
I had been working as a social worker for just over one year. An extremely stressful job but one I found myself able to deal with and I enjoyed the challenges that came with it. I saw other people go off on the sick and always told myself (and other people) “I will never let it get that bad”. I was wrong.
I started suffering from anxiety. I couldn’t sleep, eat or concentrate on one task as I had so many things going on in my head. This then triggered my depression again. I would come home crying, get to work crying. Cry at my desk, in my car and sit shaking with anxiety at all the things going on in my mind. I didn’t know how to deal with it and knew I needed some help but because I hadn’t been qualified for very long I decided not to share any of this with my manager as I worried she would think I was just incompetent and couldn’t hack the job.
I spoke to my partner who had noticed a real change in me and he suggested I go and see my GP. I did and they prescribed me with medication for the depression. I went back to work but nothing really changed, the medication was for depression but all my anxieties remained. One day I was physically ill and had to go home from work. I booked another GP appointment and they gave me a four week sick note. The one thing I never thought I’d need or get.
It was time to have to open up to my manager. I had convinced myself this was it. They would find some reason to sack me and pretend it was nothing to do with me being incompetent.
I couldn’t have been more wrong. My manager was understanding, supportive and kind. She really understood and urged me to be more open with her. We kept in contact while I was on sick and my colleagues were all really supportive too.
I was put on medication to treat both the depression and anxiety and began cognitive behavioural therapy. I read about mental illness on the ‘Mind’ website as well as NHS websites, and did some exercises on the ‘Mood Gym’ website. I also had a consultation with a local Mind service. I only attended 4 CBT sessions and she signed me off. My therapist saw a real difference in me after a few weeks which I believe was down to not just the medication but the support around me from friends and family too. I was so relieved that I could finally talk to people about how I was feeling and that I wasn’t just being dramatic or incompetent at my job, I had a real illness that could actually be treated.
I returned to work one month later and dreaded walking into the office. I was convinced everyone would be talking about me and saying I was “crazy”. They weren’t! Everyone was really supportive, kind and helpful to me. My manager made sure I wasn’t put under too much pressure and allowed me time to get back on my feet.
I learned that mental illness can affect anyone no matter how old/young, qualified/unqualified you are and that being open about it is the first and best step to recovery. I have now began a new career as a manager and I’m an example that mental illness cannot stop you doing what you want to do!
Becca
You can follow Becca on Twitter @bexxxthompson
It can be hard talking to your employer about how you're feeling, or returning to work after taking some time off. The Mind guide to surviving working life has some tips that might help.
20 Comments
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Hi Beccca
This rang so many bells with me. I have suffered from bipolar disorder from childhood, although I was lucky enough to have a long period of remission between 2002 and 2010. In that time I trained to become a probation officer and did very well, moving quickly into management. Sadly I relapsed in 2010 and I identify so much with your description of going to work crying and coming home crying. Unfortunately I am still off work 18 months late - in many respects I think I left it too long. Maybe if I'd admitted I was struggling sooner I might have caught the relapse before it got so entrenched.
My best wishes to you,
Charlotte
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It's never too late to get the help and return to work though you just have to put yourself and your recovery first rather than your job at times which is where I went wrong at one stage. Hope you are able to find this help and get better. Take care
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I have been feeling really low in mood since June and have been quite embarrassed to even acknowledge that there might be something wrong with me. Gathering up some courage I tried to book an appointment with my GP but could not get an appointment till like 5 days after. I just hung up and didn't book one. I was so scared that I would be told I was depressed even though I knew that was the case I was so ashamed, meanwhile I have been off from work without a sick note. I saw my GP this morning and I never thought I would come out feeling worse. The GP was so matter of fact almost cold. Refused to back date a sick note wrote me one from today to cover the next 3 weeks,I feel even worse.
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What an inspiring and positive post. I'm so pleased you've found your employers and colleagues to be supportive. I'm currently signed off with anxiety, stress and depression for the third or fourth time in 12 months (I've lost count!), and am really struggling to imagine how I'll ever go back into my current job. Tackling workplace stigma, and also finding a job that is understanding and supportive of mental illness, are big problems, and ones we must all continue to try to combat. Thanks for writing this post, and I can only hope that others in your/our situation have supportive employers and colleagues. Sadly, it's not always the case...
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Hi Becca
Im glad things worked out so well for you. I am sure that this was because of supportive work colleagues. unfortunately for me i wasn't that lucky My contract was terminated after i was diagnosed with PTSD due to a work related incident. I am now going through the early part of an employment tribunal.This is so stressful my anxiety is through the roof! I worked as a support worker at a special school for 8 years. how very sad that not everyone has a positive experience in the work place. -
Ola - you must speak to someone whether its a professional or just a family member or a friend. Just speaking about it helps.
MadamJMo and Diane - I totally understand not all workplaces are understanding and its such a shame. But maybe once through the hard times you will realise that there are understanding employers who can help and support you.
Everyone's experiences are unique and people deal with their problems in many different ways but I just want people to take from my blog that speaking out about your anxieties is better than bottling them up. If you find your GP is cold/lacking empathy then go to another one, don't give up!! Be strong and clear about how you are feeling. If your employers lack understanding then fight for yourself and your job or do your best to find employers who will understand. You're never alone and whoever it is there is someone there for you who wants and is willing to help you.
Becca
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Hi Ola,
I'm really sorry to hear that you didn't get the empathy and support you deserved from your GP today. Unfortunately you're not alone, and we hear from a lot of people who have had similar experiences.
It can be really difficult opening up to someone about how you're feeling, and it takes a lot of courage, so well done for taking that first step. As Becca said, please don't let your experience today put you off from talking about how you're feeling with others. There are places you can turn to for support - perhaps try contacting your local Mind who might be able to help: http://www.mind.org.uk/help/mind_in_your_area
If you're struggling to get started with talking to friends or family, there are some top tips on the Time to Change website that you might find helpful: http://www.time-to-change.org.uk/take-action/talk-about-mental-health/telling-someone-about-your-mental-health-problem
Take care, Jemima from Mind
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I read this post while looking for distractions from writing down what I needed to tell my gp this afternoon. Terrified of telling the truth and asking for help because the dark thoughts going thru my head have been getting harder and harder to fight off. So while my appointment was 40mins late, somehow I managed to stayinmy seat, breathe and make it thru the door when my name was called.
Telling the gp who's known me since I was a baby and is more like a distant auntie than anything...that I've been suicidal for several months but just too scared to tell anyone and don't know what to do , justneed help.
So thank you for getting me in the right frame of mind to be honest and believe that the help would be there.
Slowly on the process to better help now, because for the first time I was able to tell the truth instead of pretending I'm the strong youth worker counsellor every one thinks I am. -
Hi Becca,
Thank for this, after reading this I can definately relate to what you've been through, as in the great family life, friends etc - i'm a mum to a 5 year old :) I'm also a youth instructor with teens so i'm always putting on a smile and I guess can take on thier problems too. I've been on medication for over 4 years now but my worst depression attack started over 2 years ago & ever since I've been up & down, off work etc. I'm finally going to speak to a mental health team in my area which the doctor has referred me, I think my problem like most others is coming to terms with it, asking why I cant be normal? why do i suffer with this? I was told to come to this website today & I'm glad I did as I now see i'm not suffering alone and there are many others with the same anxieties & questions, & it's good to speak to others going through the same thing.
Take care all
Jodie -
Hi. My partner has been diagnosed with depression 3 months ago,
Since then he's only been given anti depressive tablets.
I think he needs further help. Ie. a councillor and a consultant.
How do I go about it I think the go doesn't know that much about it.
Thanks Tracey. -
Laura - good luck in your recovery you will get better trust me just try and stay strong and talk to those you trust when you need to.
Thanks Jodie it's nice when you find out you're not alone !
Take care everyone.
Becca
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Try a different GP who should provide you with a leaflet of information and can also refer him to a counsellor themselves. Or find your local Mind. Search on the Internet for your local PCT and counselling services. I'd start with GP and Mind :)
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hi.. im new to this site n i was just looking for bit of morale support really.. ive just been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder... we all knew that somthing was wrong for years, but just couldnt find no one to help sort it out.
i was given medication (mood stabalizers, anitdepressents) and was given appointments for some thearpy.. but i had a funny turn n turned on the thearpist.. then i got kicked out of anger manegment for bieng too angry.. i was given medication but with work and collage the meds made me so sleepy i couldnt get up in the morning...it was so hard and i didnt know what to do.. so i took myself off my meds so i could earn myself a living.. and start myself a carrer... now my moods are getting worse and worse and wen im on a good one after about 3-4-5 hours depending i crash and i fall asleep... its awful and very embarassing.. my new partner suffers. i try so hard to not have these mood swings around him but he always gets it in the neck i dont mean to n i feel awful.. im lucky i suppose that hes so understanding it just feels my condition is ruling my life and i dont know what to do.. anybody else know of ways to stop this..? im desperate and very sad that my life has turned out the way it has... help?? -
Hi Lisha,
Thanks for sharing your story with us - borderline personality disorder can be a really hard diagnosis to deal with. It sounds like you'll still struggling to get the right kind of help you need. Have you read our information on it: http://www.mind.org.uk/help/diagnoses_and_conditions/borderline_personality_disorder ... it has some ideas of where else you can get help and your local Mind might be able to help too: http://www.mind.org.uk/help/mind_in_your_area
For moral support, you might like to join our Elephant online community http://www.facebook.com/mindelephant It's a really supportive group of people. Do also call our infoline 0300 123 3393 and they can help you find the support you need.
Take care, Taryn from Mind -
Hi thanks for posting your story. I am a young professional also and I can relate hugely to your blog.
I have spoken to family and friends and they say I am lucky to have done well in school, lucky to have gone to university, lucky to have a well paid job(I know I am very lucky so why do I still feel the way I do??)I am feeling really down and like a failure. Everyone seems to think I am being a drama queen......I am even starting to doubt myself. I have had previous bad experiences with gps and am not feeling brave enough to admit to my manager/supervisor how I really feel. I am so worried as I am in the caring profession that my depression will ruin my chances at my career.
I can't eat, can't sleep, can't concentrate at work and feel very embarrassed because I know my performance at work is being greatly effected. My mind just feels fuzzy no matter how hard I try. I don't know how to bring up the subject with my manager or what to say. They have been so kind to me since I started and I feel so guilty that no matter how hard I am trying I can't seem to shake this episode. No matter how many 'walks in the fresh air' and 'positive thinking' I do its only getting worse. I feel so desperate at the moment. Not sure what is the best way to deal with my situation. Thanks for your blog -
Dear Catz, it's sounds like you are really struggling and you need more support. Is there someone you can talk to about how you are feeling - a trusted family member or friend? It can be really hard to talk but it might help. Please also do consider contacting our infoline 0300 123 3393 / info@mind.org.uk - they can help you find some support near you, like your local Mind perhaps? You might also want to read this page http://www.mind.org.uk/help/diagnoses_and_conditions/depression which goes through the different types of help you can get Take care,
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Don't be afraid to open up to someone Catz. Whether its someone you trust or someone you can speak in confidence with such as Mind who doesn't know you. You need to speak about how you feel before you can start to feel better and get the right help. It doesn't matter if you're 'lucky', clever, rich and in a loving family or not, people who feel this way don't choose to feel like that and metal health issues affect all different people with different lifestyles and backgrounds.
Please get in touch with a service like mind, your GP, a friend or family member or your boss or anyone at all you can speak to otherwise your health and wellbeing may continue to suffer.
Take care
Becca -
After reading this, it has helped me to realise that there are plenty of people that suffer like me. I am in a new career which I love and studying to progress to the next steps. I suffer with borderline personality disorder ( the quiet kind) and being busy, learning so much my anxiety/paranoia/stress levels are getting worse and I am strating to get a bit worried. Is there anything I can do to help me reduce my anxiety/stress/paranoia?
Thanks Louise
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I would suggest your GP as soon as you can, they can look at any medication and the health side of things. There is then things as stated in my blog eg. Mind, moodgym but from a personal perspective to ease anxiety/stress what helps me is reading, going to the gym, socialising, having 'me' time, getting enough sleep and having a balanced work/social life!
My therapist actually told me something that's stuck with me which was to imagine a boat with different compartments. If you only have 2 compartments (your job & your relationship) then you are more likely to sink if you lose one (lose job/relationship breakdown). But if you have more compartments (work/relationship/family/friends/gym) then if one breaks down you're more likely to stay afloat rather than sink.
Take care.
Becca -
Thank you for all the advice & suggestions.
Louise
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