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I believe talking therapy saved my life
Posted Thursday 16 August 2012
Heather isn’t my best friend, my mum, my sister or even my aunt. Heather is my therapist.
After going through family separation, bereavement, sexual abuse and getting my dad diagnosed with Dementia, I sunk into depression. Struggling to cope with the intensity of my emotional pain I turned to self-harm. Eventually I broke down and attempted suicide. I was referred to Heather by my GP, there was no waiting list and I would get 6 weekly sessions.
6 Weeks.
50 Minutes a week, once a week, for 6 weeks.
That was just 5 hours, that’s not even equivalent to a workday!
I remember sitting in the doctor’s examination room and wondering if this would be enough, if there was even any point in me having the therapy.
I sat in the chair, tears in my eyes, sleeves rolled up, bearing all to my doctor and the only thing I could think about was what happens after the 6 weeks, what happens when the therapy is over? 6 weeks… Why even bother?
Luckily I knew that something had to change, I knew I had to try this.
As it turned out, 6 weeks wasn’t enough and my 6 weeks were extended to 12, which still wasn’t enough time. Yes I was able to interact and respond with Heather, but for the first few weeks I spent our sessions just talking and crying. Getting everything out. The end of my 12 weeks came and I was dreading it.
Thankfully I was working in a reasonably well paid job and had financial support from my family and so could continue private sessions with Heather after our allotted time. I continued to see her for another 12 months and although I still occasionally self-harm to cope, I have changed my life for the better.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not ‘cured’ and there is still a long climb ahead, but Heather and the therapy boosted me to the first check point.
I don't begrudge a single penny that I spent on my therapy... It was absolutely worth it. In fact I know if it hadn’t been for my doctor referring me to Heather, I would most likely not be here today.
Even so, I never considered myself a lucky person until I saw the statistics on the Mind website. 1 in 5 people wait over a year for talking therapies. A year! It also made me think about how the majority of other people might not be able to afford private therapy after their 6 weeks. I wonder how many of them think ‘why bother?’
Talking Therapies may not suit everybody but the option needs to be there. We need to demolish waiting lists – if there is one thing mental illness needs, it’s fast action. We also need to ensure that therapy is not given an allotted time. How can we possibly have a time limit for recovery?
I can’t bear to think of anyone losing their fight because of a waiting list, so I’m writing this in support of the We Need to Talk campaign, which champions access to talking therapies for everyone who needs it, within 28 days.
Gemma
Follow Gemma on Twitter: @LittleSisterGem
Find out more about the talking therapies and how they can help.
If you or someone you know is in crisis, there are places to turn to for support.
12 Comments
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Hi Gemma
Thank you so much for this post. I totally agree with you. During what I can only describe as the worst period of my life, I had access to an excellent and completely supportive therapist. She was there for me every week for over 14 months and managed to get me through periods when all I was wanted to do was kill myself. Having her there for me at that time was invaluable. When my psychiatrist disengaged and the crisis team and other professionals saw me as 'just another service user', my therapist recognised I was a person in distress. She'll never know how much she did for me. I will always be grateful to her. I'm through that period now and living life to the full. I never thought I'd say that. 'We need to talk' must be given support. Denying people this right is denying people the right to the path to recovery. The power of talking therapies for those experiencing mental and emotional distress must never be underestimated: it can save people's lives.
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problem is most people will not access therapy on the NHS, it will be CBT for a few sessions if you fit the criteria as some areas won't take people who have self-harmed, have psychosis or look too difficult for them. For those who don't have paid sick leave on a low wage or can't afford private therapy they have no options, there will be nothing for them. Some people used their DLA for therapy but that's going next year, few people will get it's replacement because the descriptors are hell bent on excluding mental health
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What happens if talking isn't right for you. What are the options? I have BPD and even then I waited over 18 months for an appointment. That was the only thing offered to me. CBT. I told the psychologist who diagnosed me that I didn't think it would work, it didn't. I avoided my sessions, I panicked, I cried. I couldn't get my head around it, it sent me into a meltdown. I tried to speak to my therapist, trying to find a different way, telling her. She seemed to listen then just went along the way she wanted. I didn't attend. I rang to tell them, I can't do it... but I'm scared to let my place go. They never replied. (This was the NHS specialist MH services BTW) They didn't work with me, they didn't contact me back. Their way of dealing with it was to write to me telling me I'd been discharged. Discharged from therapy, discharged from services. Thank goodness for a charity I am in touch with, they have helped me but it's not solving my problems and I don't think the NHS are up to the job, TBH. I live in Sheffield, one of the largest cities in England and there the services here are pretty poor. I was interested in DBT, but we don't have that here. Whilst I totally support this campaign talking isn't for everyone and it shouldn't be relied on...
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Its all very well hearing of people who get support and help. What about those of us who don't, particularly those of us labelled personality disorder. It seems some lives are more worthy than others
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Hi Gemma,
As a busy Person-Centred psychotherapist/counsellor, I can vouch for the benefits of talking therapy as a way of helping to bring balance back into the lives of those in emotional distress.
The negative effects of emotional distress can happen to anyone, at any time and at any point in life...sadly, no-one is ammune, despite ideas to the contrary. It can often take a lot of courage to ask for help, mostly due to a societal view that displaying anything other than a 'stiff upper lip' is a sign of weakness. As you will already know, nothing could be futher from the truth.
I would just like to acknowledge your own courage in this and to thank you for talking publicly about your experiences of therapy and it's benefits. In my view this is pretty much the only way to reach the worlds doubters and therefore offers a real chance of reducing peoples fears around asking for therapy. Thank you for your help in this Gemma,Catherine Goldsmith
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Good to read your story but alas post code lottery remains meaning service is still patchy or non existant even though "access for all" was a government initiative!!
There really needs to be a wide scale range of services as I worked in self-management of mental health in peer support but even that is poorly funded.
I was referred to a talking service and after 8 weeks wait was told not suitable for me so left in limbo.
I really am trying to be positive about mental health services after my first experience with them in 20 years but alas felt had more support then.
Just one more thought on talking therapy it is still medicalised and focuses on one treatment working for any condition so are we being lumped together again as mentally ill regardless of diagnosis.
I worked in mental health and Linda sorry to hear your experiences with a diagnosis of PD. When I worked in self care we ran with a group of people who all had a PD diagnosis and ALL did really well and quite rightly access should be for ALL. Except for commissioners of MH services who are a diagnosis in themselves of "no idea at all" syndrome. -
Angie, I was also diagnosed with BPD and chucked in front of some CBT therapists, who kept throwing me back saying I wasn't meant to be there. After 6 months of this I was told to see a CAT or DBT therapist. Great options for people with BPD. By which time I had developed a bit of an attitude as I was sick of attempting to explain 'what was wrong'. But, within one initial consultation I knew I had finally found someone who could help.
I was lucky, there was a 12-18 month waiting list but I got to see a trainee straight away. God knows where i would be now if i actually had to wait. I am now off all medication and no longer suffer with BPD. I am generally a happy person now who feels in control of my life again.
I really feel for all of you that suffer. Please remember that it does get better :)
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I suspect talking therapy is not the answer to all individual emotional problems. I had CBT for about 10/12 sessions. The biggest boost I got from this was a sense of recognition (at last) by the medics after years of wondering the wilderness with their full knowledge. I also have challenging, sceptical nature due to being able to see through much of establishment manipulation of individuals and wider society. I would often let this be known and think this deeply affected my recognition by the establishment. CBT also gave me a sad sense of having more cudos with the DWP when making a benefits claim. I had been diagnosed with anxiety and depression but was only told this to my face very recently by a nurse I was seeing for other things at my surgery. I first presented over 25 years ago with my condition. This was the first time anyone had mentioned an official diagnosis - WHY?
And here lies the problem with me and many others I suspect. Namely, that we can't trust the establishment to be honest and up front with us too often. I am expected to to share my deepest feelings, thoughts, struggles, etc but have no way of knowing how that information will be used/shared. On top of this talking seems to do very little to address the personal injustice of birth, class, and equality issues that are at the root of many peoples hopes, fears and mental health. Statistics prove this. So I would say, yes, its good to talk. But we have to have an understanding of what people might/might not be talking themselves into. And this comes down to seeing everyone as an individual. Not everyone will fit into a medical model but still deserve the same recognition as those who might have benefited from it.
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Thanks to all of the positive comments. :)
I appreciate that every person is unique and not everyone will find Talking Therapies as useful and life saving as I did. However I feel that it should be available to people who want/need it and that is why I told my story for the campaign.
Like I said I was lucky, not just to be given therapy but to actually find it useful.
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Hello Gemma,
i know how you feel, it took me years to ask for help and only know after countless attemps to put me on CBT and medication....i finally got good old fashioned therapy! i am no where near out of the woods and still feel depressed, i am in a loveles relationship in which i cant find the guts to leave my girlfriend because im scared of hurting her, but i feel talking therapy is slowly starting to help me make sence of my clouded brain! my anxiety is still there and sometimes i feel like maybe im better off dead rather then continue to swallow my emotions and feel my pain... the only thing thats keeping me going at the moment....is that my sister is pregnant and im going to be an uncle! anyways....im sorry for writing a post that probably dosent make sence....but i feel so alone and have no one to talk to.....no family and no friends......hope your doing better, Thanks John -
John thanks for the comment, it makes perfect sense to me.
Being and uncle will be more amazing than you can imagine. I am an aunt of four and my close friends have 3 children of which I am an "aunt" and its brilliant. You get to be the fun adult and can hand them back to their parents after!! :D
One thing I learnt, hiding your feelings doesn't help, it just makes them grow to an unmanageable amount! - In my case anyway.
I am glad you are getting help. :)
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Hello Gemma,
thank you for the advice...that is one lesson i have never learnt....keeping things bottled in and hideing my feelings seems like now is all i know....especially when confronted with anything....i just shut down and become a punching bag, either not saying anything to reply to the person or just saying things to get them to stop talking and leave me alone!!! i really admire you for just saying what you feel.
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