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The feeling's mutual
Posted Monday 23 July 2012
I’ve had problems with my mental health for many years now, so many in fact that it’s just part of who I am. It’s not interesting, amusing or quirky, it comes along with all my other mundane characteristics: I have dark hair, I have a mental illness, I have ten toes... Yawn.
Rarely is it a conversation point with my family or friends, I may be a curious offering on paper but not in real life. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve said and done my fair share of bizarre over the years but day to day life is pretty average.
This is why I am so bowled over at the level and frequency of stigma that I encounter. I do recognise that I am one of the lucky ones, I know not everyone who experiences psychosis can live the average life but I do and there are more like me.
I want to tell you about my workplace assessment, purely to illustrate the point. For University I had to provide proof of my qualifications, a criminal record disclosure and a health disclosure, which I did. I expected them to follow up on the health disclosure (see curious offering), which they did. This follow up is the point at which I almost fell off my chair. The doctor began his questioning in slow speech… “can you dress yourself?”
I wanted to reply, in slow speech, “Are…you…kidding…me?”
I explained that yes, I dress myself, I live independently, hoping to curb the line of questioning. “Can you cook for yourself?” – which part of ‘independently’ had he not grasped? We went through a frustrating exchange which ended in his eyebrows rising up his forehead as I informed him that I can drive a car.
The particular low point of the assessment came when he concluded that I couldn’t possibly study a healthcare course as it involved patient contact. I asked him to explain further, considering we had already discussed my ten year employment history of working autonomously with various categories of vulnerable people. “People who hear voices hurt other people” and that was that. Access denied.
These assumptions only make me believe the same of people that they clearly believe of me. Talking slowly infers that I am an idiot, so I think they are an idiot for talking unnecessarily slowly. A doctor discounting my competence makes me think them incompetent. Suggesting that I cannot be trusted makes me mistrustful. If they can’t come to a sensible conclusion by talking to me, how could I trust them not to put up more barriers than I already face?
If someone suggests that I am likely to be dangerous, I think their ignorance is dangerous. These types of people, not too many years ago, would have had me locked in an asylum for life. These are the type that hear my dry humour through the crackle of my label and would lose me my job over an innocuous comment. These are the people who peddle fictitious statistics about violent mental health patients, threaten my normality and fan the flames of stigma. These are the people who are afraid of me and, as I said, the feeling’s mutual.
Jojo
Follow @Jojoplural on Twitter or visit her blog.
Watch Mind ambassador Ruby Wax's documentary Mad Confessions. It's on Channel 4 at 10pm tonight. Join in the discussion on Twitter #4goesmad.
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5 Comments
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It's deeply ingrained and especially within the medical profession and policy makers which is why all the anti-stigma campaigns in the world won't touch it. Medical students develop these attitudes long before they leave medical school because the medical model fosters it. Recovery is no better because it has been adopted and bolted onto medicine and social work as a catch all for pretty much anything and neatly sidesteps criticism of services for damage to people, for economic and social isolation and injustice, putting it all on the individual. MP's despite that debate still voted in favour of cuts to services and welfare, and more restricted access to social housing. I thank you Jojo for acknowledging that not everyone can live the average life, go to university or secure a decent job because this gets conveniently missed by Ruby Wax and the C4 programme's. Typically we see people in executive or managerial roles, or with an exceptional skill who look great or presentable and don't have gaps of years on their CV. Their colleagues are ok with their coming out on the back of Ruby's show the "poster girl for mental illness" [hell what were all my friends doing all these years..]. It is quite different at the other end of the employment spectrum, in the low paid work where there is no paid sick leave with managers ringing their employees up every single day to demand when they are returning and how the hell will they get the shift covered.
These programme's prop up the propaganda that people can and should be able to do anything but reality isn't quite that nice for everyone. They also won't change Jojo's not uncommon experience -
My experiences exactly. I am a 'former nurse' due to my mental health condition. After my initial illness I tried to return to nursing and had a medical assessment in Oxford - I failed this because of the medication I was on at that time - no note made that actually I was functioning normally but antipsychotic medication a big 'no, no' at that time.
I never did return to that role and went to work in mental health and self-management for 9 years before yet again recengtly having my sick time raised by an employer after offer of job given. I was called in for a 2nd time purely to discuss how they in theory could help me with my condition. I really felt they wanted me to say 'OK' I will pull out but I didn't. I started the job working full time hours with sleep in duties on top so in theory avarage of 57 hours a week as we were disturbed. I became unwell and resigned as knew in probation period you can easily be got rid off. I was so appaled that experiences like this still go on. Now totally dissillusioned with the system and life exacerbating mental illness. -
Hi Mindreader, thanks for your comment. I couldn’t agree more that the media seem to address the polar extremes , I support (pretty much) any portrayal as long as it is an honest representation of the person’s life and illness as we still have a long way to go with anti-stigma work and, at the very least, it starts conversations. My hope is that one day we will be seen as the individuals we are because I can’t think of another illness family that is as varied as mental health but I recognise that the average life or the struggles you talk about rarely hit the mark for entertainment value on national TV. For me, banishing stigma is all about opportunity. If you can’t do something because your illness prevents you from doing it then that is one thing (and a whole other blog post about reasonable adjustments!) but to be denied the opportunity to try because your diagnosis has a stereotype attached to it is a totally different and unacceptable ballgame. My issue here was that I was given a place on the course after rigorous assessment of my merits but the doctor tried to remove that opportunity based on his opinion of my label, not the facts of me as an individual. In choosing my battles, this is one that I choose to fight, for the opportunity to be judged as an individual.
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I fully support your battle Jojo, I would just like to see rights enshrined in law first, all the charities have got their work the wrong way around, because conversations are not going to help change employment, housing, welfare laws and access to [and ideology within] the NHS. Change that, then the conversations and wider public perception will shift.
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Ben, I'm really sorry to hear you had to experience that, it's soul-destroying to hit these walls and feel that you've nowhere to go. I'm pleased to report that after my workplace assessment I got in touch with Mind's legal team and they advised me that what the doctor did was not inkeeping with Equality Act, they told me how best to proceed and I won my appeal. They have a duty to assess you as an individual, not basing their opinions on "other people with similar conditions". I was re-assessed by an independent psychiatrist who supported my starting the course, which I am now on. Whenever the issue comes up I talk openly about my illness, it feels like a drop in the ocean sometimes but we have to start somewhere and I have been pleasantly surprised by people's willingness to be honest about their misconceptions (if not disappointed that those misconceptions still exist). I hope that at least I have opened one small door for others, I agree that it won't change welfare laws or any of the other issues you mentioned Mindreader, I wish I could :(
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