PMDD and me

Posted Wednesday 21 December 2011

Cat writes about the struggle she went through to get a diagnosis of pre menstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD), and how she uses her creativity as an outlet. 

Combine the stigma of mental illness with the taboo subject of menstruation and what do you get? - pre menstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD). 

Only 3-8% of women suffer from this chronic condition which affects every aspect of their lives.

I have had it since I was 13. Every month, without fail I go through a whole cycle of symptoms.

I have days of feeling amazing, happy, positive and loving life! I can think clearly, cope, achieve things and laugh. I remember to pay the bills and am confident enough to leave the house.

A week before my period, I enter a darkness. I can experience any number of the following symptoms; forgetfulness, clumsiness, irritability, panic attacks, anxiety, lethargy, insomnia, dysphoria, breast tenderness, cramps, back pain and tiredness...

I get angry, depressed and frustrated, which can lead to self harm and suicidal thoughts. I cancel social activities and hide away from friends.

I find myself sitting for hours unable to figure out what I should be doing, even the basic tasks can cause frustration and tears. I'm a good mother, but I feel like a failure.

Getting diagnosed aged 27 was the beginning of a long and arduous journey through the health service. Doctors either haven't heard of it, or will tell you it doesn't exist.

Some prefer to call it extreme PMS, and almost all of them will not have a clue about what it is like to suffer or the best way to treat it.

The Psychiatrist says it's hormonal, see a Gynaecologist. The Gynaecologist says it's a mental health issue, go back to the Psychiatrist.

My GP has been supportive and happy to follow up any line of treatment I have requested, but after all these years, there are still no answers or successful treatments, not for me anyway.

Find out more from NAPS and two excellent PDF guides can be found at womensmentalhealth.org and at the British Columbia Reproductive Mental Health Program.

I have lost two thirds of my life to my menstrual cycle. I feel the changes at ovulation and menstruation and experience negative symptoms during both phases. If I'm lucky, I get ten really good 'normal' days a month. 

I don't really have a social life. I have to plan my life around my moods and cycle to ensure I can get through each month.

I run a Facebook support group, and talking to other sufferers has really changed how I cope. It feels good to not be alone, the internet is amazing for that.

To keep focused, I draw mandalas and paint, you can find my artwork on my website. I also find writing helps and have blogged about my disorder for many years.

It is a real struggle to keep on explaining to people around me about my disorder. But the more I speak out and the more I talk openly about something others will avoid, the more awareness others will have of this disorder. It's time for women to stop suffering in silence.

Cat

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8 Comments

• Cat replied on 22 Dec 2011 at 09:41

  A BIG thanks to Eve and Mind for including my story on their blog. I feel that women's mental health often goes un-discussed. It is certainly, in some cases, misunderstood.
  Women are dealing with mental health issues, while trying to bring up children, work and deal with benefits, unemployment etc.. Some get no support at all. Medication is a minefield that is sometimes walked alone.
  Women need to speak out about what they go through. PMDD needs to be recognised, accepted, and researched... No more shame, or suffering alone because it's not accepted to talk about menstrual cycles. This is 2012! (almost!)

• Jo T replied on 22 Dec 2011 at 09:41

  Wow Cat, I feel so relieved to have someone like you talk about this! I recently blogged on here about mental health and money, and I had my first psychosis after my daughter was born, however, there was something extremely familiar about it. Since her birth (even though I have been diagnosed with dissociative disorder and OCD) every month the week or so before my period, exactly the same as you. I had been recognising it for months, and not just me, my partner too. I have psychotic symptoms (music/voices/hallucinations and delusions), depressed mood, anxiety/panic etc, as soon as I get my period, I'm myself again. I spoke about this with the psychologist and he recommended taking the pill (!) (which I can't as it gives me severe migraines). Brilliant that you have spoken so openly about it, it gives me hope that one day someone will actually be able to help me! I am in touch with a specialist researcher, and he has told me to keep a diary of my moods for 6 months. Well done for talking about this, I'm sure other women will feel so empowered after reading your blog. Plus I'll definitely be joining your facebook group! x

• Donna Barrowman replied on 22 Dec 2011 at 09:41

  Well done Cat. I feel the same - our disorder is so underrecognised and treated. Thanks for sharing. You can also read my story via Scottish Recovery Network - its called Behind Closed Doors

• Amanda replied on 22 Dec 2011 at 09:41

  Awesome post! As a woman with PMDD, this is like reading my own words. It is my hope that we will raise awareness of this disorder more and more in the future.

• Liane replied on 22 Dec 2011 at 12:04

  Cat - could you re post your website please? The link doesn't work and I would be very interested to visit your site.

• Taryn@Mind replied on 22 Dec 2011 at 12:05

  Hi Lianne, I'm really sorry about that - it seems to be working for me. Try this link instead: http://www.chaoticat.com/

• Cat replied on 23 Dec 2011 at 12:10

  Thank you for your comments!

  Jo, there is something called PME - Pre menstrual exacerbation, that can often be confused with PMDD. If you are already diagnosed with a disorder, it could be that your cycle is increasing the symptoms. Whichever way, the mood swings and emotional disturbances that come with our natural cycle can be extremely hard to deal with. The only way to really know if you have PMDD is to chart your moods, as you have been told to do. PMDD will have a pattern of a set amount of good days during days 1-14 (luteal phase) and an increasing of symptoms during days 14-28 (follicular phase). PMDD is unique in that you will always have around 7-10 days of feeling completely normal in yourself, like the cloud has lifted and you can be you again.
  The constant cycle is enough to take it's toll after a year or two, leading to all manner of coping problems.. I have known nothing else all my life, and still find it so frustrating.

  Thanks Donna.. So glad that you are still doing well after your hysterectomy. Thank you for all you have done and still do for PMDD.

  Liane and Taryn.. thanks for your interest in my work, and thanks for re-posting the link!

  Merry Christmas!

  Cat x

• Liana replied on 3 Jan 2012 at 10:07

  Hi, Cat! Happy New Year! Excellent post! So glad to see everyone is still working hard to get the word out about PMDD.