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Let’s talk about ... suicide
Posted Friday 9 September 2011
This is a guest blog from Charlotte for World Suicide Prevention Day on September 10.I have spent a large part of my life thinking about killing myself.
I’ve thought about how to do it, when to do it, where to do it. I’ve thought about it as a teenager, a pregnant woman, a new mum, a student, a manager.
I’ve thought about it while I’m at work, while I’m on holiday, alone in the dead of night and during big social gatherings. It’s not something I often mention; it feels a little bit dangerous to write it down. So why am I breaking the silence somewhere as public as the Mind blog?
A survey published last month by the Samaritans found that suicide is still considered a "taboo subject". One third of those surveyed said that if they had suicidal feelings, they would not discuss them with anyone at all.
That survey tells me that too many of us are keeping quiet, and I’d like to try and challenge the taboo by starting a conversation about the issue.
Suicidal thoughts are not something to be ashamed of; they are a recognised part of a number of mental health conditions, including depression, bipolar disorder, and borderline personality disorder.
I am not weak or selfish for having them, and they are not my “fault”. Tomorrow is World Suicide Prevention Day (sponsored by the International Association for Suicide Prevention and co-sponsored by the World Health Organisation), and if we want to try and reduce the numbers of people taking their own lives, honesty and openness about our suicidal feelings seems a good place to start. (Ed's note: Updated for accuracy 11am 9 Sep 2011)
There are many reasons I’ve kept quiet about my suicidal feelings. Sometimes talking at all seems too difficult, because feeling very tired and socially withdrawn are both symptoms of severe depression.
Usually, I keep my feelings to myself because I worry about upsetting or frightening people close to me; no-one wants to hear that their loved one is contemplating suicide. I’ve also been anxious that they will over-react and I’ll find myself hospitalised or, ironically, that I won’t be taken seriously (there is a pernicious, but completely untrue, myth that those who talk about it don’t do it and are just “attention-seekers”).
NICE recommends that healthcare professionals ask depressed clients directly about suicidal thoughts or plans. I’d like us to begin to discuss suicidal thoughts more widely in this matter-of-fact way.
If someone you know is brave enough to disclose suicidal feelings, try to listen calmly, even if you feel upset - your non-judgemental support is worth more than you can know. You might want to inform yourself by reading Mind’s How to cope with suicidal feelings, which explores why suicidal feelings can occur, and what services may help.
The times when I have found someone willing to listen to me, rather than trying to “talk me out of it”, have been a great relief. Sharing the feelings with a supportive listener can dilute their power, so that I feel less likely to act upon them.
Let’s get this conversation going. It might save somebody’s life.
Charlotte
http://purplepersuasion.wordpress.com
46 Comments
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I think of suicide as a life-threatening symptom, just like something you'd get with a physical illness. If I had a physical condition that could potentially kill me I'd feel no shame in admitting that, so why should a mental health problem be any different?
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I've thought about suicide many times during my life. This year I started to plan it.
It has helped enormously to have been taken seriously by my mental health care provider, as I was absolutely unwilling to talk about it to anyone else for all the reasons you mentioned. I have since tried to talk to my husband about it, but all he's managed to do is take it personally; not helpful at all. -
Jan ~ I agree with you,severe depression is a life threatning condition. I dont want to feel this way and dont want to keep comtemplating suicide but some people think that its my fault and I should just be more positive !!
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My story is very similar to Charlottes's, I think about suicide most days, and have done for many years, I find talking to my care coordinator at my Community Mental Health Team very helpful, and in extreme times of stress I have a family member who I can talk to in confidence, luckily for me the family member is a trained psychologist which I guess proves the fact that therapy works, as I am still here today, struggling, but here...
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so glad you posted this, i talk about it fairly openly, but because people think i am so together that this means that are never do it. I expect one day i will. i don't feel i am living at the mo, just being held back my gp knows how i feel and i feel bad for her as im putting her under pressure. i agree talking does help it seems to be such a taboo subject. i just want my life back and don't really want to be living like this for ever more
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A few years ago I took an over dose. The event has never been discussed with anyone. Not my mental health care provider nor my family. My children still get very angy if the subject is mentioned even obliquely. I understand. It doesn't stop the thoughts. If. How. When. All the way round to the guilt that someone like me, with a loving family of children and grandchildren should have thoughts like this. Since moving home I have no mental health support despite a diagnosis of depression and more recently bi-polar disorder (mild bi-polar as my gp said). After months of struggling secretly with increasing depression I went to my gp who referred me to the local mental health team. That was several months ago. I'm still waiting to be contacted. So who do you talk to when no one wants to listen?
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I can relate to this blog, i too have thought about it, in the most common, and most innapropriate situations. Even after half baked attempts, would deny that i really put so much research and time into thinking about it. I recently fessed up to the right people about my plans, ideas, and thoughts about it, and it does remove the power it can have over you. I was reassured that even though i had these thoughts and feelings, that it didnt mean i had an obligation to act upon them. That was a breakthrough for me. I needed permission to stop beating myself up for feeling this way, and once i was given it, it gave me the strength to take more time for myself, to try and find a way through the dark times.
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Dear Posy, I'm really sorry to hear that you haven't been able to find support. The Samaritans are always there to listen 24/7 on 08457 90 90 / jo@samaritans.org There may also be other groups or services in your area like your local Mind that could offer some support - our infoline can help you find them, do give them a call on 0300 123 3393 / info@mind.org.uk Take care
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Almost ten years ago I suffered from major depression during which time I Thought of suicide as the only option, it just seemed to be a matter of when to do it and how to minimise the effects on my family. However, since recovery, suicidal thoughts have become a habit, recurring whenever things get stressful and difficult. It seems to come to me as a choice like an emergency escape and as such acts to reassure me. I know that while I am well I wouldn’t do it, but I know that if I suffer another episode of major depression I am very much at risk. For me suicidal thoughts are a side effect of an inability to cope with life’s ups and downs, also inability to talk openly with others, but my silly, frequent and disproportionate worries would only scare away friends and upset my family.
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As a trainee counsellor in practice and someone who has had suicidal thoughts at various intervals in her life, I wanted to encourage talking about suicide. Sometimes, I have felt as though it is what the idea of suicide would mean in my life rather than the idea of death itself that needs to be explored. Family and friends are sometimes understandably terrified of a confession of suicidal thoughts and I think a 'family protection' mechanism kicks in, whereas talking with a professional means that the suiicidal thoughts are taken seriously, but still explored on a more rational level. Understanding the way we feel and where those feelings come from can really help. I would urge people to contact the Samaritans as a listening ear. Or google 'counselling' in your local area for help; there are many charity organisations that also offer face to face counselling free or at a reduced rate. Our thoughts are never too silly or disproportionate if they are causing us anxiety and distress.Take care everyone x
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I just wanted to say. I lost my husband last year. He took his own
Life. I am struggling to understand how he could of left us. Leaving
Four children behind. We all loved him and reassured him every day.
Please if any of you are thinking these thoughts, please remember
You are leaving people who love you behind. Don't think your not loved and wanted because you are. Xxx -
I often have suicidal thoughts, and it is good to read that other people have them too. I had a bad time a year ago and was researching the best way to do this, I was lucky that I was involved with the Crisis team and the had regular visits from a CPN, it was easyish to talk to them. My husband though found it hard to hear how I was feeling and thought I was being selfish, I still don't talk to him about the thoughts as he just dosen't understand.
It would be great if there was more free talk about these feelings and as Just B said it dosen't mean we have an obligation to follow them through (think I will use that phrase again, if thats ok!). Just thinking about it dosen't mean we are able to carry out what we really feel like doing.
I hope everyone reading this does not get triggers to do anything, but feel supported.
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Thanks’ Rachel for your blog entry that was very warm and understanding. I have always looked at counselling as support for people who are faced with specific situations like bereavement or help with a particularly bad time period. For me it seems to be ongoing. My internal dialogue is always self defeating. It seems to me a general problem rather than a specific problem. Doctors just tell me to take some exercise and make me feel that I am wasting there time. (however I wouldn’t under any circumstances tell them that I had suicidal thoughts as I fear they would blow it out of proportion, also they keep notes.). Do you think counselling would be right for me or is there other options?. Incidentally I am 46, male, unemployed, very unoptimistic for the future and not at all comfortable with the thought of seeking help.
Joanna - I know someone who lost her mother to suicide. And have an idea from her of what you are going through. it was some time ago when it happened and she is coming to terms with it - she is the only person I have talked to openly about depression and suicidal thoughts and I think it helped her a great deal, she sees her mother as a victim of illness and nothing else. You blog was very touching and it sends a very strong message to people like me.
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I have for as long as I can remember, had suicidal thoughts. 15 years ago I attempted it, and ended up in a mental health unit for 3 months, and therapy for 8 years. The care I received was wonderful, and I can't fault any of the wonderful professional people who dealt with me. It was now so long ago, and yet the thoughts are still with me, I hold on to them - almost as a comfort blanket, knowing that having failed in my attempt, I would know how to "do it properly" next time, and the knowledge that I can if ever things get to an unbearable stage gives me great strength. I contemplate it very frequently, but now feel that I will know when the time is right. Oddly knowing that there is the option of a way out helps me get through the worst times of depression.
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Really thought-provoking post and follow-up comments. Because it's such a big taboo, it's also very hard to talk around suicidal thoughts comfortably. There's a big difference between the first time you have thoughts of suicide - which is incredibly scary - and the hundredth, by which time it is still scary, but you might see it more in terms of a symptom. One of the other things that is rarely discussed is that if you are preoccupied with thoughts of actually killing yourself, you are likely to be running the rest of the life pretty badly: you're certainly not going to be putting down that doughnut and going to the gym. Contemplating your own death is really heavy stuff, and isn't going to make you sleep at night - if you keep it up for a long time you put yourself under enormous stress. Your family are likely to notice this, even if you don't admit what you're thinking.
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Hi Posy,
For a lot of us, that's where online communities come in. I have found a wonderful group of people online, especially through Twitter, who have experience of depression, anxiety, Borderline Personality Disorder or bipolar and totally understand my issues. I started my blog because I wanted an anonymous space to get my difficulties out of my system - it's not really talking to anyone, but it's getting the feelings out there, which I find helpful.
If you are waiting to hear from the CMHT you should get your GP to find out how long you should expect to wait, and perhaps your GP could offer you regular support appointments in the interim until an appointment comes through? Hope you get something through soon x
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In an odd way, it's difficult to post here saying that I no longer experience regular suicidal thoughts. I intermittently wanted to take my own life/not to be alive for many years. However the suicide of someone I knew, caused me to re-evaluate my feelings. (I'd obviously not wanted to end my life as much as the other person had done.) And I could see what suicide did to other people. Later on, I just got my rooted/connected to other people. Which doesn't mean that things aren't still difficult and scary some of time.
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Hi all,
In England, one person dies every two hours as a result of suicide. We think much more could be done to prevent suicide, especially in this tough economic climate - there are strong links between suicide, unemployment and debt.
On 19 July the government launched its suicide prevention strategy. It aims to reduce the suicide rate and provide better support to those bereaved or affected by a suicide.
Now we need your feedback so we can tell them how they can do this.
It will take about 5 minutes to complete.
http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/GRZHK25
Many thanks,
Richard from Mind -
the reason I tend to shy away from talking to folks outside a mental health setting about my suicidal thoughts is that often people put you down for being over dramatic and when you dont act on the thoughts they think its just a bid for attention.
I have EUPD and so my mood can change very rapidly from ok to depths of despair and wanting to end it all to feeling fine or even high.
I guess it IS hard for those who dont suffer similarly to understand that at the time, for me, the feelings I have are very real. potentially dangerous and not just a drama queen out for a bit of attention.
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I never had suicidal thoughts until I found myself in the mental health system. After a particularly bad hospital admission when they humiliated me and subjected me to degrading treatment I felt so bad about myself and so keen to escape any more contact with the mental health services that I took a large overdose and woke up in intensive care. The kind of "treatment" inflicted on people by the services, the coercion, and bullying, is exactly the sort of treatment to make people feel suicidal. Now I stay alive just to spite them!
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Good work, Charlotte. And among the great writing, you describe my reasons for not speaking about this, pefectly.
I'd just like to add one thing which applies to me - for now. I'm glad I haven't succumbed to the thoughts so far. It means I still show my love for my wife, and son. I still share their joys and woes. And I hope that continues. -
I have spells of feeling suicidal. The only people I have ever told are the Samaritans. A lady at a church I go to on finding out that I suffer from depression said that perhaps I wasn't trusting in the lord enough. i don't think anyone would say this if it was a physical illness.
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Every day I keep thinking tomorrow might be different, something might change. Night times are the worse with no phone no contact but tomorrow might change
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Hi all, sorry to those who are suffering this horrible disease. I hate it for sure. After 40 years and many failed attempts at getting help, I now have a fab support network and medication from an understanding GP. The online forum "no more panic" I find is fantastic. I still get suicidal thoughts but I know I am unlikely to follow them up. To those who are feeling lost and don't feel they are getting the right help, keep trying different avenues. I know its very hard but why should we have to suffer like this. It is an illness, its not "in our heads", we can't just "get over it".
Re the whole guilt thing, my mum told me many years ago, that anyone who takes their life is selfish - I could have hit her. She had no understanding of what its like. Those of us who have been on the dark side, don't understand the effect it will have on others, as we don't think that anyone really cares. I have a loving husband but I still find it hard to accept that he really loves me, even though he does everything he can to show me. There is a blockage in our brain stopping us from comprehending this. We are ill, we need medical and professional help, and the general population needs to understand it is an illness not something made up. I'll stop waffling now! -
I think the word "prevention" in "suicide prevention day" further perpetuates the stigma and taboo associated with suicide. It shouldn't be about prevention. That's a word of big dark walls, a word of marginalisation. We should be talking about UNDERSTANDING suicide. Understanding ideations, understanding causes, understanding ways to cope.
The feelings of isolation I felt whilst most depressed are always brought flooding back by phrases like "suicide prevention". I've discussed it with friends who have made attempts and they feel similarly. I can't help but feel that that word is destroying their whole concept and idea. I certainly don't feel accepted, understood or more willing to discuss it when their focus is so much on "prevention" and not on "understanding".
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My father committed suicide 5 years ago & obviously its still on my mind. The thing I think about most is how it could have been prevented, and to be honest maybe it couldn't have, we'll never know.
What I do know is that he tried to get help from doctors and it was woefully inadequate and extremely basic. If someone came to a doctor with cancer they would get far more assistance and support. It was a bit of a no brainer that the outcome would be this - then why did he not get offered greater support? I cannot help but think if he had got decent help he would have come through it.
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I had suicidal thoughts 2 years ago - and I didn't admit them to anyone until I was at crisis point & realised I had a very real danger it would happen. I sought help from my GP, who was very good and referred me to counselling the same day - but it then took 5 months to actually get an appointment to see someone.
For me, it wasn't so much about wanting to die as it was about feeling that I didn't have anything to live for, and feeling so worthless that I was just wasting space/oxygen.
I'm so thankful to still be here - to have had my survival instincts kick-in in the nick of time. But it still took for me to feel "ok" and more like my usual self, after having gone through the counselling, before I could admit my suicidal thoughts to a single person in my life. They were angry at my "confession", but mostly just hurt that I would keep something like that from them - the reason I had kept it from them was because I felt so ashamed about my thoughts & feelings, and because I didn't know how to say it, but in the end it just kinda "fell out" and the relief I felt was huge!
Please speak out if you feel suicidal - it's nothing to be ashamed of, many many others have felt the same way and you may be surprised at how supportive others in your life will be. You are never as alone as you think you are.
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Thanks Charlotte for such an honest and thought-provoking article. Having had to deal with these frightening thoughts myself and tragically loosing Mum to her ongoing battle with depression, I can’t underline enough the need to talk at the earliest opportunity, otherwise your concerns only drag you down further. We need to break the fear of reaching out to those around us since everyone has issues of one sort or another to work through and there is no shame in being real with others. Although coming to terms with Mum’s decision was heartbreaking, especially when I remember her saying to me on numerous occasions how devastating it would be to loose me, I now understand a bit more how ill she was, whilst trying to solve multiple problems alone. She was just as in need of a bit of support as someone with a broken leg.
Ruth – sorry for your loss. I guess in a similar way my loss helped me to put my own struggles in perspective. Occasionally, I still feel I want to escape and end things but then feel such a relief when these feelings are out in the open and realise that I just need to let others help me through a tricky patch. What also kept me going when at my lowest was the very practical advice not to make any hasty decisions and seek a permanent solution to what is often a relatively temporary problem. This isn’t pretending our times of distress aren’t real or and painful but sharing them with a trusted friend/relative/professional can take the sting out of them like Charlotte says.
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I feel that just being able to talk about it really helps. What i want is for people just to listen, not to judge me, not to try to talk me around - just to listen cos in the end i will talk myself around - I've been doing it for 20 odd years now. It does how ever get very distressing when your life is consumed by thoughts of suicide - i recently disclosed to my psychiatrist that i was struggling everyday with these thoughts and having to fight them off was the most tiring part of my illness - fighting daily with trying to control my thoughts.... people seem to think that it is sooo easy - just think something different but for me it feels as if i am disconnected from what i think esp when it comes to suicide. I can notice a thought that I want to buy chocolate and do soemthing about it, but when it comes to suicide the first thought escalates and becomes an anxiety provoking situation before I can even acknowledge that I have had the thought. I remember 5 years ago that the only thing that got me through each day was to plan my suicide for the following day - so that I had a reason to live each day. My reason for living was so that i could kill myself the next day - that kept me safe....
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I have thoughts about killing myself/putting an end to the suffering almost every day at the moment and have had these feelings on and off for the last 16 years. Im sure my husband suspects i feel like that but its not something we talk about - as far as im concerned it would upset him too much so i say nothing. I tell my care co-ordinator and any "professional" involved in my care that i feel that way but because i have said it so often it has absolutely no impact, and i am not believed and then when i DO act on the thoughts (like 6 weeks ago when i tried and was stopped by a passer-by) they all act all surprised and wonder why i didnt phone them and talk to them about it. Im not really sure whether they want me to do it or not - if i tell them they think im lying and wont do it, and if i dont tell them and act on the thoughts/feelings im wrong for not phoning them and telling them. its very confusing!!! i feel nobody really understands how im feeling and that the thoughts and feelings are very real and that i DO have a plan that when the right time comes i will carry out. It makes me wary now of telling them how i feel. Im also told when i say im suicidal that im ruminating on things and should think positive things instead......well, im sorry, but when you are feeling like killing yourself the last thing you can think of is something positive!!!! Its so easy to be judgemental of people who are suicidal, saying that they are selfish etc etc, but i find that i do actually think about what i would do to the people i leave behind but quite honestly when i think of that i feel even worse, guilty that i could even think of doing that to them, and that in turn just makes me feel that i am such a bad person and therefore dont deserve to be alive and the suicidal feelings just get worse. some people will not understand that i know but that is how it affects me.
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I think suicide is the most pratical solution to my predicament, as horrible as it is to say it that's what I honestly believe, I can't afford medical treatment and it is just getting to hard to carry on
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Thanks so much for all your comments, and for sharing your stories. I hope that reading about people's different experiences in having suicidal thoughts will be a comfort and helpful to people in the same situation. I am also pleased that people seem to agree that talking about these feelings is useful.
Rona - I'm sorry that you haven't had a good response when discussing your feelings about suicide. It is important you can to talk to someone who can respond in a way you find helpful. Services like the Samaritans (08457 909090 or email jo@samaritans.org) might be worth contacting, or, to find out about support groups or different services in your area contact the Mind infoline on 0300 123 3393 or email info@mind.org.uk.
Best wishes, Richard
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I often think the well meaning statement that 'suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem', is in some contexts wrong. Many people have had suicidal thoughts for years in response to the on-going negative, anxious and painful thoughts they have.So they may feel the above statement does not apply to them.
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To 'rather not say', I am so sorry that you're feeling like that. Please remember if you want help or support there are services and support groups out there. If you want to find out what is available near you contact the Mind infoline on 0300 123 3393 or email info@mind.org.uk. Also remember if you are in crisis there are lots of places you can contact for support. This page has more info: http://www.mind.org.uk/help/crisis.
Best wishes, Richard
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I started to plan my suicide 3 years ago. It became the only thing that mattered to me. I could take it out, refine it and file it away again. It was my refuge, the only place in my life where I felt I had some control. Every negative thought I had went into the planning. All thoughts of family never got inside the refuge. It was my space, my comfort zone. I felt warm and safe in there. As luck would have it other problems overtook my preparations and it all came out. It has taken all this time to get my life back on track and appreciate the good things in the world. Last Friday I found myself wanting to kill myself again. It is terrifying to think I have come so far in my recovery and yet still be so vulnerable.
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To 'rather not say' I am so sorry that you are feeling that you need to be 'practical' your life means so much more than this. Every human being deserves to be, and feel, loved and valued. Have you spoken to anyone, is there some help you could get to pay for treatment? How are you feeling now? Please believe me that your life is precious, don't give up and try to get some advice and help.
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People kill themselves because they have been treated like s*** from society. Its a bit rich for society to then brand them 'selfish'. Its an escape route from a hellish existence but I suppose society would prefer people to keep suffering and breathing rather than having to cope with the guilt of a suicide.
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Dear Linda, I know how you feel when you say society treats you like s***. I However as a member of society would not treat you like s***, nor would the majority of members of the health professions, I would be really pleased if you talked to them.
Sometimes it is hard to see how you can ever be happy, but with the right help you can and will and you can use your experience to help others, that’s why I for one want you to live.
The current government have caused many problems, and seem to be applying austerity measures to the pore and needy only and at the same time denying them social mobility (university charges). The worries and stresses are passing from person to person and people are understandably feeling that society has gone bad. When people treat you badly, it is generally because of other things that have happened to them. They relieve their frustration on anyone who happens to get in their way.
If someone treats you badly, think of a reason for them acting the way they are, a reason that suits you best, and believe it (if there are two possible reasons you might as well believe the best one). Sounds simple but its not, it takes practice but after a while you start to see other people in a different light.
When I was recovering from depression I felt very much as you do, thinking that society had gone bad, but I was corrected when I did and experiment that I found in a book. The Experiment involved going for a walk, or to the shops and to smile at everyone you make eye contact with, recording how many smiled back, also recording if they are male or female etc.. I’m not going to tell you the result because I want you to try it, just as an experiment, I’ll just say I found the results uplifting.
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Suicide was something I started thinking about when I was 12. I started trying when I found out my dad took his own life. I've self harmed since I was 9 1/2 yrs old. It continued well into my twenties, i'm now in my thirties, still self harming, and with those suicidal thoughts still hovering from time to time Sorry
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No need to apologise Jules. It is what it is. When I'm in the suicidal place I find people who try to talk me out of it, or who ask "But what about the feelings of the people you will leave behind" actually make me feel worse. When I was first admitted to hospital, I found it refreshing talking with the other patients - be they schizophrenic, bi-polar, depressed, alcoholic, drug addicts, self-harmers or PTSD - because for the first time many of us could let down the mask we presented to the outside world. We were all in an acute inpatient unit, so there was no need to pretend to the others that we were "OK". We didnt have to hide our scars (physical or mental). We didnt have to come up with excuses. We didnt have to pretend that we liked ourselves or our lives. We could just "be" with each other. And that was such a release. For me it was the first time I could really admit how bad I felt and where I was. Burying the discussion about suicide is no help. Only by being able to face it without judgement and without any baggage can people like me begin to get the right help in the right way.
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i identify with a great deal of the comments, and also with the blog,i have attempted suicide on quite a few occasions, mainly as a result of my inability to cope with my emotional condition. i think about it most days, but made a decision that i will never make my son or daughters life any more painful after my 17 yo son Cian killed himself in nov 09, and recently two of my friends have killed themselves
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It is so good to have people talking about this, something that is such a personal action but affects so many. I attempted suicide on a number of occassions in the early 1990's. On at least one occassion I nearly died. Now 21 years later I am a stronger person for having crawled back from the emotional flatness I felt that led to suicidal thoughts. I felt there was a place even lower down than depression were there was no fear of death, I just wanted it to happen to end the misery. I wasn't scared and just drifted of into unconsciousness and lost a whole week of my life in coronary care. The first thing I remember was the ward sister talking to another nurse that I was just "taking up a cardiac bed" and I thought how appaling her attitude was.
Today I work in mental health and still have the barriers of stigma from time to time. I never ever thought my mood would go so low and that suicide would be in my thoughts. For those left behind I understand the mourning and anger that can occur - the questioning of "why" or "what could I have done to help" but no one attempts suicide intentionally to upset family it is purely to relinquish the dispair. I found it not frightening and knew I was going to another place. I no longer fear death as knew that when I was close to it it was comforting.
Now I think positive thoughts and enjoy elements of each day. To those who are in such dispair I only say it can be beaten and life can be fruitful again. Thank you for writing this blog it is something that needs to be done so take away the fear of the word and the stigma that is part of it. I do not condone or agree with suicide as an act. We have to accept it as sometimes being a part of a life cycle. As someone said earlier about suicide prevention is there really a simple answer? Ask those who have been there and got through it if it is possible. -
I have had suicidal thoughts and feelings most days for the last 10 years maybe more. I took an overdose 3 years ago but no one offered me anyhelp or advice i was just allowed to walk out when my drips had finished. I have told my partner a couple of times about the way i'm feeling but he just tells me to stop being so miserable and sad and wallowing in self pity and think about all that is good in my life which frustrates me a lot. I am not a good talker and am to afraid to even try and talk face to face with anyone or even on the phone. I just thought maybe leaving this message might help me. I don't know if I have an anxiety disorder as well as depression. I have been to the doctors a couple of times but he tells me I am low because i am overweight and i should try doing more exercise. I did try this and lost weight but it never really helped me I still think about suicide all the time.
Thanks for being here
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I tried in my youth and was physically sat on and verbally abused in A&E, it was my first time in a hospital, I was terrified. I tried again 10 years ago and nearly succeeded spending a week on a liver unit close to liver failure. Staff were not supportive and I got out before the psych team arrived, I didn't need anymore ridicule. With all the threats regarding welfare/housing now I wish I had succeeded
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Suicide is not something to be ashamed of its a choice, a concious and willfull decision to take what is yours to take. people, i think forget that not everyone wants life, nor choose to have it. I myself still struggle with the concept that people think bringing a life in to a world in the state it is in is a good thing .... that is the selfish act, not suicide. sadly, on my attempt i was interupted, it wont when people stop watching me now >.> ironically i find there "attention" more soffocating then helpful. Please i dont want any attention on this. I ask however, what is life, simply? what do we do in life. we go to work, we go home, we do our hoppies over and over and over again. why dor for decades the same thing your doing now just to meet your end at a later date, doing the same thing over and over and over again. Clinking to life like it is more then a manotonous task.
no one asked to be here or chose to. respect there choise to go when they choose to, as i choose to.
anyways, thats my two cents. id rather give up now, then live like a machine performing the same daily tasks for years just to be "alive"
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Peter – sorry, I didn’t mean to undermine the ongoing struggles many on here (and including myself still and Mum) face. I was just passing on this advice, which seemed to stop me at my most desperate. Came from someone very practical and I wasn’t thinking.
I’m especially sad to read of the appalling hospital treatment a few of you describe. So difficult to deal with especially when you’re already feeling bad and though it must be so painful, I think the advice to see it as their problem helps. I agree the suicidal feelings become less terrifying in a way after a while and just hope we can feel able to talk when we need to – whether this is most appropriate with professionals or family/friends. I’m just thankful the stigma surrounding this serious problem is starting to disappear and hope it continues that way so support is more accessible and an actual help.
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