Therapy turned my life around

Posted Friday 26 March 2010

Tell us your experience of psychological therapies on the NHS

I had my first experience of psychosis at age 14 after years of abuse and neglect in the family home. People can argue psychosis is completely biochemical and has no bearing or connection to people’s own life experiences. Even at 14, I knew this was not true, because the voices I heard were of my abusers; the screaming I heard was my own. I got no support from child psychiatry except punitive threats, and then later on I was put on medication. But does a tablet cure abuse, loneliness, stigma and isolation? 

I so desperately needed to talk about what was happening to me, but I was left alone in my living hell full of demons but no one to talk to about it. I kept asking for psychological therapies, and kept being turned down for it. The reason I was given is that talking therapies cannot help people with psychosis.

My psychosis did not go away; medication merely turned me into a zombie. It made the nightmare foggy but I still could see it and feel it. I still attempted suicide, still self-harmed and was generally self-destructive.

I waited 5 years, 10 years, 15 years, 20 years before I finally got a course of cognitive behaviour therapy. And guess what: it turned my life around. It helped change my thinking, and make sense of my experience, and it made me feel like a human being for the first time in decades of mental health ‘care’.

I am now actually living a life, such as undertaking a degree. The screaming has stopped. I think this is because my voice had been finally heard and didn’t need to be turned into a scream nobody else heard.

There are other people screaming, and nobody hears them, and they give up and commit suicide. I know people who attempted or committed suicide whilst on the ridiculously long waiting list for psychological therapies. Nobody would dare to say to someone with a broken leg, "we can treat you in a year and a half, take the pain."

I support Mind’s We Need to Talk campaign because psychological therapies gave me my life back, and because I no longer want people to end up in the ground because nobody is listening to them.

Dolly Sen

Dolly Sen is a writer, film-maker, performer, musician, artist and mental health consultant.

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8 Comments

• linda replied on 29 Mar 2010 at 09:32

  Hi dolly...I agree a think some people who avent suffered with some sort of depression..are abliveous to it..they carnt understand were you coming from..and thats were the stigma kicks in..madness..I can fully understand were you comming from..I sufferd postpartrum depresion after having my first child..with pyschosis..at the time I didnt understand what was going on..then having to go in to hospital in a ward witch ever one new as the mental ward..I was 20 years old at the time..It is surrpose to be a happy time in your life after having a baby not for me..any way am 38 years old now and just comming to terms with it all now..after all am not mad..
  Take Care Linda..

• Lynn Harrison replied on 29 Mar 2010 at 09:31

  This is a very honest and straightforward account and having worked in mental health for 20 years and being a survivor myself I know many will identify with Dolly's experiences. Great stuff Dolly! Thank you for sharing your experiences x

• Martin replied on 29 Mar 2010 at 16:37

  Hi Dolly,

  I'm so happy to hear the positive impact that CBT had on you're life and that you're feeling better now... I know that "talking therapies" can make a huge differnece in total contrast to medication that can often have the opposite effect on people's lives..

  I am hopeful that this continues to filter upwards to those politicians, commissioners etc. who have the task of managing reduced funds to meet such desperate needs. The irony is that medication is often the more expensive option; not that I'm saying it doesn't have its place in a more holistic picture..

  Thank you for sharing your story and good luck with your studying.

  Martin

• Ian D. replied on 30 Mar 2010 at 09:25

  Hi Dolly,
  I am glad you have benefitted from talking therapy, I have had mental health problems for about 17 years now and have found the NHS to be of no help. No one seems to believe what you are going through. (Hell at times) CBT seemed to be carried out by young females starting out on their career with very little experience. I've read the book and got the T-Shirt and could tell what they were going to say. I first asked to see a Clinical Psychologist about 16 years ago, I am still waiting. Fortunately I am made of tough stuff and with self help am coping at this moment in time.

• Ian replied on 3 Apr 2010 at 00:45

  I've had depression for 30 years and just been sent away with more tablets. Finally (when suicidal) got put on waiting list for "therapy". After a further 18 months of hell could wait no longer and threatened NHS Trust with a medical negligence claim. Was offered therapy straight away (within days!!) but by then things so bad I was admitted to hospital and told I would be sectioned if I tried to leave. Following many ECT treatments and months in hospital, now trying to get my life together again. Black dog still there but kenelled for time being. Looks like I have now lost my place in therapy que though, so may need to turn threat of legal action into a reality. We need to start fighting for our rights, using legal means if necessary. I also intend to contact County newspapers to see if they are willing ultimately to publicise my case ( in the hope of bringing benefit to others) and bring shame upon my NHS Trust! I'll keep you posted.

• Allan Campbell replied on 4 Apr 2010 at 18:17

  Talking treatments are much better than drugs which often do nothing positive at all in my experience. Unfortunately I've had some failed talking treatment which just made me worse! All in all though I've found a good therapist is an absolute gem.

• PJ Croad replied on 6 Apr 2010 at 20:18

  Thanks Dolly and well done for having the courage to share this.

• Julie replied on 9 Apr 2010 at 08:58

  Good to hear some positive results. I have been running from depression since my teens, had times 'in counselling' which have probably kept me in one piece but I think my last experience actually fed my delusions of 'coping', 'guiding' me in some major life decisions including encouraging me to have a third child in my forties.... not a good idea for some one of my disposition! I have had major depression since the baby was born, am on medication for the first time, feel zombified and that I have lost control of my mind, my life, and am destroying my family. Talking therapies, like medication, are a minefield. One size does not fit all. Beware.... make sure you are really comfortable with the person you are talking to.. you can give them alot of power. Good luck.